WIBTA for not giving my Boyfriend \[32M\] more of "his" money back?
So recently my BF had gotten into an accident and needs to buy a new car. My BF does pay me rent (less than 500/mo). I have been putting all rent monies into a savings account that has added up over time.
I had offered to give him some of that money back as technically it was originally his money in the first place. He agreed to that and we settled on using half of the money I saved from his rent which equaled about 5,000 usd. He thought it would be more and it is a substantial amount I think but now he has come back wanting to dip more into the savings as in his words "It’s my money originally right?"
I mean yes but also no? I’m not married to him. Otherwise I wouldn’t be charging anything. But the amount covers bills/taxes.
I really don’t want to dip more into the funds saved but he does need a car. He is the one who originally gave me the money after-all but I don’t know if sticking firm to the 50% makes me an asshole or not.
NTA, It’s not his money and that was your first mistake. He is paying you for rent because it is your place. You are doing him a kindness by giving him money to get a new car. He is neither owed nor entitled to that money. He can take it or leave it and his reaction is the catalyst for how the rest of this relationship is going to go.
none of that is his money. that is YOUR money. that is money he paid for rent. you owe him nothing and tbh you shouldnt have ever told him it was his money originally. if you want to help him by giving him a 5k loan thats your choice but that money stopped being his the minute it left his hands. nta, but you need to establish with him that it is not his money. set the limit at a firm 5k and if he gives you any kind of pushback then remove the offer for the 5k and he can figure it out on his own.
Cmon bf. Could you ask any other landlord for $$ back cuz you now need a car? What is your thinking , you deserve to live rent free? Your money indeed, lol!
NTA that’s your money he paid to live there. It’s not his money it’s yours
Why does your adult boyfriend have no savings despite paying minimal rent? This is your money that he spent on housing, even if you decided to keep it separate from your other funds. NTA
YWNBTA. He’s paying you RENT for staying at YOUR place. That’s YOUR money, not his. Tell him if he wants more back he’s welcome to get a job within walking distance to make up the difference
if he is paying you rent, it is now your money. NTA don’t give him any of it back tbh.
NTA.
What I’m hearing is that your boyfriend is living at your house for free and not contributing? I mean realistically, if you were to consider that his money and give it back, that’s what it would be.
At the end of the day, in your relationship, you two decide how money is being split and shared. If you’re his sugar momma and you BOTH agreed that he’ll work and spend his money on himself, and you work and spend your money on him, and this makes both of you happy, by all means keep being his sugar momma and he’ll be your sugar baby. Or kept man. In the future, trophy husband. That’s perfectly fine as long as you agree that’s what it should be.
NTA but you need some clarity around your situation. If your collecting rent, it’s your money. So is he paying you rent or are you saving his money for him? Either way, decide if he’s paying you rent (which reasonable) or are you saving his money for him (which comes off a little strange). The lack of clarity is going to cause problems. You’re charging him rent and maybe you’re going to loan him some money for the car, but get some clarity.
Your only mistake was offering any. It’s not giving money back. It’s giving him money that you earned through renting.
NTAH
Why on earth would you encourage this person to regard your money – rent paid to you for lodging – as his? You are NAH to him, but you are to yourself. He lived there right? We pay for shelter in life, and he paid for his, to you. I assume you paid the rest of the rent with your money, do you feel like the landlord is going to hold it in escrow for you as you have done for him? The second he heard about that money he 1) said he deserves more of it and 2) criticized you and/or expressed distrust by saying he would have thought it was more?? He could have just done multiplication – he’s even asking you to do math for him. Don’t!
NAH but think about why you don’t think of your money as yours.
Who “originally” had money isn’t the owner. What the heck, that’s literally the entire point of money. When you spend it, it now belongs to who you paid. Wtf is this argument?
If my rent were only 500 my savings would be so high, in proportion to income. That money is to cover expenses of him living there, not a back up savings for him. It doesn’t matter who’s it was “originally”. NTA op, but you need to nip this now
NTA, the money I pay my landlord isn’t still my money.. I can’t go to my landlord and say “hey I’m gonna need about 5k of my money back” they would laugh in my face.
This is no different.. he paid you rent, you chose to save that money. You honestly don’t have to give him any of it and you are being an amazing partner by giving him half and saving the rest in case something else comes up in the future.
Also, this is basically giving you BF free rent if he can just come and ask for it back. That’s not how that works.