I 22M have been “bothered” by an altercation I had with a friend when I was in high school, I had a friend I’ll call “Buddy.” For context, Buddy and I had been close for a while, and whenever we hung out, my parents were usually the ones picking us up and dropping us off wherever we wanted to go. If we needed rides, my parents handled it. If we went out to eat, I’d use my own money . If we went to the movies, I paid for everything. If we went somewhere like Main Event, the mall or did any other activity, my parents would often cover it. If Buddy ever needed money, I’d give it to him. Throughout high school, I saw less and less of buddy, even outside of high school we just didn’t make the effort to hang out or talk as much as we did before. It especially didn’t help that Covid was a big thing in those years and that we didn’t have any classes together.
One day, Buddy and I made plans to hang out. I didn’t have a license yet so he’d offered to pick me up. On this day specifically buddy had a job interview and so while we were waiting for his appointment, we stopped at Target because he wanted a coffee from Starbucks. So we got coffee and walked around the store for about 20 minutes and While we were there, buddy was very interested in the card games, one in specific called taco cat. he complained about not having the cash for it (something about his mom being mad at him for buying this and spending too much money)The game was only 10 bucks so I told him I’d buy the game for him, and he said he’d “pay me back” by buying me lunch later.we had time before his interview, so he suggested going to Daiso. We walked around there until it was time for his interview. After his interview, he said he was hungry, so we went to get food. He didn’t buy me lunch like he’d said he would, but I didn’t mention it to him at the time. We ended up staying there for a while even after finishing our food because we played that card game.Then Buddy wanted to go to Spirit Halloween. We went, and he said it was kind of lame. I suggested Halloween City nearby, so we went there. After that, buddy asked me if I wanted to go to Kroger to get sushi it was on both of our ways home so we went, I wasn’t hungry, but he asked if I’d be willing to split a large sushi tray so he could take leftovers home to his mom. I agreed. The tray was about $25, and he only gave me around$8. We took the tray back to my place and we ate there, I ate maybe two or three pieces, and he ate most of it and took the rest home. At the end of the day, right as he was heading off, he said, “Oh yeah, by the way, you owe me gas money.”I had thought he was joking so I laughed him off a bit but then I had realized he was actually being serious. I ended up telling him that I didn’t owe him anything, and I could tell that bothered him. It’s stuck with me since then and I just got to know if I was the asshole. I would also like to say I would have given him the money if he had asked for it. I never used to say no.
NTA for not giving him money but Y T A to yourself for staying friends with this mooch. He only hangs out with you because you buy him stuff. He doesn’t have $10 for a stupid game but had money for all the other things?
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I did not buy the coffee.
NTA. I don’t want to do a tally of everything spent that day. It can be bothersome when you think you’re in a non transactional friendship and you discover the nickels and dimes mean a lot to them when it doesn’t mean something to you. Personally I would have given him the money, but I also wouldn’t have wanted to hang out with him going forward. I think your main point is that you were always freely giving to him and when he covered cost, he needed to be reimbursed immediately. It sucks when it’s like that. Are you still friends now?
Yeah, I never held any of the stuff I did over their heads or anything, and most of the time I was happy to do it. We are not friends anymore, things just sort of “dissolved” after that.
Nope. $10 for the game. $17 for the sushi, and he was supposed to buy you lunch when you ended up buying his mom lunch apparently. That’s crappy. I had friendships like this. They all hung around for what I could do for them. Then the second I had an emergency and needed help, NOPE. Nobody could help. I washed my hands of every one of them and started fresh. Soooo much less stress in my life.
NTA but the guy didn’t have $10 for a game. Why did you think he would be able to cover lunch or anything else? There’s a degree to which you set yourself up for failure here, but obviously, taking from you over and over then expecting you to pay him gas money is AH behavior.
It seems like this is something you’ve hung onto because of losing the friendship, not because you really think you were wrong or the AH.
He’s the asshole. I’m sorry you were treated this way, he’s poor and taking it out on you. It’s okay.
People do this. I have done this. Everyone has been in this mindset unless you’ve been wealthy or have someone else in your life to help YOU, and Buddy clearly doesn’t.
Find a new buddy.