Originally, me (15M) and 2 other friends (also 15M) were supposed to go kart racing yesterday. However, my friend got sick recently and he told us to wait until Tuesday, we postponed it to Tuesday and he still said he was sick. Since tomorrow neither me or my other friend wouldn’t be able to go (and we couldn’t go either on the 25th for obvious reasons) we decided to just go today and another day go with our other friend.
However, around 1 hour before I’m posting this, my friend texted me that his gf wanted to come along and go kart racing with us. I’ll admit something here, I am very bad at talking to women, in general. I get really nervous and I understand that it’s bad but I just really don’t know how to interact with them other than my mom. Not only that, but I really don’t want to be 3rd wheeling since that happened to me already last year with some other friend and I didn’t find it a great experience. I haven’t even talked to his gf yet so the fact this is going to be our first interaction and we’re going to spend half of my day with them makes it a bit awkward for me (not because of my friend obv just his gf).
I still haven’t replied and his parents are supposed to pick me up in like 1 hour more a less, so I really need to say something now since I can’t just ghost them like that, would be extremely rude on my end. At the same time, if I cancel now It’d be super clear why I’m doing it and I really don’t want my friend to know that I don’t want to go because of his gf. And ik some people will tell me to go regardless, but I really don’t want to, like there’s no way.
WIBTA? And what excuse do I even give to my friend??
No way a 15yo wrote this
Kids learn fast these days
Do they or is is Gen AI?
I can see myself writing something like this at 15. People forget how socially undeveloped kids can be at that age (especially post-Covid).
N T A necessarily for not wanting someone you don’t know very well to come to your hang-out with friends, without any notice, but YTA for your sexist comments about how you are ‘very bad at talking to women’- you’re 15 years old, it is *way* past time you figure out how to interact with nearly half of the entire population of the planet.
This. Women are just people the same as men are. Try taking to her like a human being instead of seeing her as some kind of fucking alien that you can’t possibly interact with without being taught how.
You’re going to be driving go karts 90% of the time. And if you don’t practice talking to girls you will never get better at it. I think you should go. But you are not an AH and neither is he.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Being put in a situation you didn’t expect especially one that triggers anxiety can feel overwhelming, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
That said, I’d gently encourage you to see this as an opportunity rather than a threat. Talking to girls isn’t some completely different skill set we’re not a different species. We’re just people. If you can talk to your friends, you *can* talk to women too. Think of this as low-stakes practice, almost like training. There’s no pressure for it to be anything more than a normal interaction.
Also, since you haven’t even met her yet, you might be assuming it’ll automatically turn into a third-wheel situation when it might not. Kart racing is an activity you won’t be forced into awkward conversations the whole time.
That said, if you truly don’t feel comfortable going, you’re not an asshole for setting a boundary. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. You can say something simple like:
>
That’s it. No drama, no blaming his girlfriend, no over-explaining.
Just know this though: avoiding situations like this might feel safer now, but it won’t help you long-term. At some point, you’ll want to be comfortable around women whether as friends or something more and this kind of situation is actually a good, low-pressure way to start.
Whatever you choose, be kind to yourself. You’re 15, you’re learning, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
NTA
No one wants to be the third wheel.
NAH. I would suggest you give it a try – but understandable if you decide against it. I feel like your friend should have checked with you in advance before inviting his girlfriend. You’d be valid in saying you’d prefer not to crash their date – but this could also be a way to get a bit more comfortable talking to girls. An activity keeps you busy and you have the go karts to talk about.
NTA. Third wheeling SUCKS. It’s boring and awkward.
YWBTA **to yourself** if you don’t learn to face mildly uncomfortable situations that will ultimately benefit you. Bro, you need to learn men and women aren’t different species. We’re all just people.
Anyway, the hour you mentioned is nearly up… What did you decide?
When I was your age I was the same. Couldn’t talk to guys easily, very intimidated by their energy. The way I got past it was by practicing. By hanging out with my friends and their partners.