I, 19(enby), got reported to the mental health office on my college campus by a friend, 19(M), after I had not been consistently talking to him due to having an on-campus job and have been busy with my coursework work and now he is reaching out to me asking to fix our relationship before our Friendsgiving.
A bit of backstory, me and this friend have been good friends since junior year of high school, we became so close that we sort of consider each other like siblings in a way. We both go to the same college. I had been dealing with a bit regarding my coursework and had been spending more time studying than being able to hang out. I would also like to add that he liked to come and see me while I was at work. One day, about a week and a half ago, I received an email from our campus’s mental health office stating that they wanted to meet with me because they had received a tip that I might not be doing well and needed to conduct a check-in with me. I found this really weird because I am doing very well mentally and am on medication, and I see a therapist regularly.
I knew it had to be someone I knew who reported me and texted the two people that I suspected of reporting me. The one who texted me back saying that they didn’t report me was not 19(M). He didn’t text or respond to me for almost 4 days. He then called me and asked me how I was doing. I asked him outright if he reported me to the mental health office. He said he did because he was worried about me, because I wasn’t talking to him and wasn’t able to hang out with him, and that I had told him off not to bother me while I was busy at work. I got mad at him and explained from my view how it affected me having to go talk to the mental health office, and how I had felt cornered and wished he had just talked to me first, rather than going to the extreme. He said he understood and that he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I told him I needed space and that I would reach out to him when I wanted to talk.
He has ignored my request about me being the one to reach out when I was ready to talk to him by texting and trying to talk to me when he saw me on campus. The time I saw him on campus, he called out my name. I looked at him and walked away before he could try and start a conversation. He reached out and asked if we could talk and try to fix things before our friendsgiving so things wouldn’t be awkward. The thing is, for me, I really don’t want to talk to him, and for me, it wouldn’t be awkward at our friendsgiving because there are a lot of other people that I could talk to.
So reddit, WIBTA for not wanting to talk to a friend(?) and fix our relationship before our Friendsgiving after he reported me to the mental health office on my college campus?
YWNBTA He seems to have reported you to force you to interact with him. Now he’s ignoring requests for peace and trying to force you to interact with him again. This is not a man who is accepting “no” for an answer, which makes him an unsafe person to be around (whether emotionally, physically, whatever)
I would tell him we no longer have any relationship to fix because we are no longer friends.
nah honestly i’d be hella mad too, like that’s such an overstep. he straight up ignored your boundaries *twice.* not your job to make him comfy for friendsgiving imo 🤷♂️
“He liked to come and see me while I was at work”
Yeah he is in love with you and are feeling you are rejecting him.
He seems toxic.
NTA.
Nta. but take a step back and ask what you would do if he had issues and started seemingly avoiding you. Calling in mental health help is what everyone should do when they are out of their depth and worried about someone they care about. talk it over with your therapist as to how you want to respond. his inability to take no for an answer is concerning.
People grow up, get their own life, drift apart. Friendsips fade, they are not a life sentence. Nothing wrong with it. Do you really think it is ok to call the mental health crisis line on someone just because he doesn’t want to hangout with you as he used to? Without even talking to that person, asking how they feel? Without even checking on them (the person you believe is suicidal) for at least four days?
I cannot imagine anyone who is busy with school and a job to be happy and understanding about it.
Because for me it sounds like a pretty shitty retaliation or bullying technique. It is the technique of abusive partners and authoritarian parent, not friends. _You don’t want to hangout with me? Well, here is your punishment…_
[removed]
NTA. This person might imagine that he is your friend but he does not give you the space or respect a friend needs to. Reporting you because you found it inconvenient to hang out with him is wholly unacceptable. Fixing the relationship sounds like a mistake when distancing is a better option. At least he didn’t call the police for a “wellness check” this time, but next time, who knows?
NTA. He is way too clingy. Either he has romantic feelings for you or is way to emotionally dependent on you. The person who needs mental health counselling is him. He is now harassing you. Tell him that you will report him, then do it if he attempts to contact you again.
Info: is it possible your friend truly was worried about you?
I was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt for reporting you, since that could have been honest concern, but he lost me when he got pushy and ignored your request for space. That told me he is trying to force you to interact with him, like someone else said.
If you’re ready to give him consequences, you should. Tell him next time he tries to start a conversation, you’ll block him for repeated, aggressive disrespect. If you’re like me, he’ll eventually push hard enough to wipe out any fondness you have for him. Maybe he’s there already. But more harassment won’t help anything.
NTA.
So your friend, who probably knows that you’re on medication if you’re really that close and thus was aware of a predisposition toward mental health needs, saw a change in your behavior that he didn’t feel was normal under the circumstances and decided to reach out for help to ensure your well being? And this makes you mad?
Maybe he should have talked to you first but maybe he was worried that you would shut down the conversation, that if his concerns were valid, he’d make them worse, etc. He turned to resources he thought were better. He was trying to be a good friend.
I understand you wish he’s done things differently, but be glad he cares.
A few years ago, I called the police for a welfare check for a friend of my mom’s because she was going through a very difficult time and posted a cryptic message on Facebook and people were panicking in the comments trying to get ahold of her. I posted that it was me who sent then to check on her and she blocked me. I have zero regrets, I would do it again with anybody I knew. Friend, family, acquaintance, or otherwise. I wouldn’t want to risk playing it safe. Imo, your friend did the best he could with the info he had.
NTA – Just consider what you want in the long term. If you’re happy to let the friendship go, or if you’re going to get over this and want to be friends again.
If you want to be friends again in future, maybe shoot a text and express yourself, explaining that you’re still hurt and you’d like some time (be as specific as possible) to get over it.
This reminds me of the time I was super busy with work and end of semester assignments – and didn’t have time for my boyfriend at the time. The BF called me and told me it was SUPER important for us to catch up that night. I took a deep breath and said okay. Then when he came over I asked what was up, he said he wanted us to ease into each other first… we we chilled for a bit.. every minute I was ‘relaxing’ with him, I was aware I was loosing a minute to work on assignments… Finally he was ready to tell me what was up – he was worried because I had been stressed and not wanting to hang out as much. I started SCREAMING at him. Having held myself together and tried to focus on whatever was worrying him and make him feel good, planning to stay up overnight to work on my assignments so that we could discuss… how busy and stressed I was???? I wouldn’t be as busy and stressed if I could just do my work!!! We broke up at some point after that.