Throwaway for privacy.
Context that might be important: my (19M) dad died six years ago and because of some complicated stuff, we mostly couldn’t access his life insurance when I was a kid. Now part of the life insurance is being used to cover tuition for my sister (18F) and me and my mom has the rest for herself. She is spending it pretty quickly on life expenses, nicer furniture and art, gifts, and trips to see her family (I’m actually kind of nervous it will run out before my sister finishes college). Scholarships cover part of my tuition, so I use the rest of the money towards rent. I have a part-time for my other expenses.
Last week, my mom told my sister and me that technically, we each own a quarter of the house we grew up in because my dad died without a will (my mom has half, though I think the percents might be different now since my mom is the only one who paid the mortgage for six years?).
This is relevant because my mom recently started getting small monthly payments for putting up with a nuisance nearby, and apparently the house having multiple owners makes things complicated. My mom is also the only one living there anymore, though we visit most weekends. My mom says that since she lives there and has been paying the mortgage, plus my dad would have meant for the house to be hers, signing over our parts to her is a formality and only fair. She offered some of his cufflinks and books and stuff in exchange. My sister agreed.
What I’m struggling with is, this is exactly the same thing my mom said about the life insurance when I turned 18 because my dad had accidentally left it all to me. She offered to pay for our tuition, and I signed it over to her then. But with the house, it feels like she now gets everything. Surely my dad didn’t mean for his kids to have only a few sets of cufflinks and books?
At the same time, I didn’t even know about the house until now. Also, my mom is paying for my tuition with the life insurance, which was meant to support us after my dad died and couldn’t be used for that purpose. My mom had to work really hard, and I think she’s probably right that my dad wouldn’t have imagined part of the house going to us instead of her. Maybe I’m being greedy. I know she’ll be mad if I say no, and our relationship is already tough because she has a very controlling personality and gets upset when I disagree with her.
WIBTA if I refused to sign over my part of the house?
Since such things differ from country to country you should lawyer up
NTA I think. But I am not qualified to really judge
Get a consult from a lawyer. Things work differently per region.
But defenitly nta, seems like your mom is just trying to take advantage of you and your sister
Tell her you will sell her your part of the house for the amount of your sister and your tuition being put into two accounts that only your sister and you can access. That way she can’t spend that money and leave you both without tuition. This gives her what she wants. Protects yourself and your sister. That is not selfish. That is protecting yourself and your sister and being very generous to give up part of the house. I would be very careful, because she may be trying to remortgage it or get a second mortgage which could cause her to lose it.
No No No No No.
NTA
Your mom, for whatever reason, is not managing the money well. Do not sign over your portion. You are 19, in school, and seem to have a better handle on adulting than your mom does right now.
Consult a lawyer. Get access to the will. You may gain a very different perspective of the situation once you have real info. You may have more rights than you know about right now.
>My mom says that since she lives there and has been paying the mortgage, plus my dad would have meant for the house to be hers, signing over our parts to her is a formality and only fair
If you feel justified for a more equitable split, then lawyer up. Honestly, it sounds like your mother doesn’t have yours, or your sister’s best interests at heart. Cufflinks? Really??
And then there is the whole bit with the life insurance, and her spending.
>our relationship is already tough because she has a very controlling personality and gets upset when I disagree with her.
That’s a tactic. “If you disagree with me, I’ll get mad! You don’t want your mom to be angry with you, do you?”
*Get a legal opinion, and stop listening to your mom*. You’re a 19 year old adult now.
NTA
ABSOLUTELY NOT. You should have signed the life insurance over to her, but you were very young and manipulated. depending on where you are, your portion of the house could be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give away hundreds of thousands of dollars. EVER.
Your mum is not acting in your best interests and is relying on your age and naivety to steal from you. Life insurance is to ensure the comfortable living of the beneficiaries and I am telling you now, there is no way that could have been left to you as a child (not a spouse) of the deceased by accident. That was purposeful and has to be done deliberately.
I’m so sorry your mum is doing this.
You need to get yourself legal advice. A lawyer is expensive but not unreasonable. If you sign over the house, you are relinquishing it with no compensation. Also, it sounds like she is mismanaging money left for you. You need proper representation to give you sound legal advice.
NTA and not stupid, either.
NTA…..
You already signed over the life insurance,,,,, don’t give up the house too. If she is already burning through the cash, keeping your share is the only way to protect your future and your dad’s legacy
Your mom is robbing you blind. Your father meant for you to get the life insurance because he knew if he left it to her, she’d just blow it. You’re just giving her everything she wants for… some cufflinks and keepsakes that are yours anyways?
I’d ask her to pay off your equity with the life insurance proceeds and insist she do the same with your sister. If she’s already living outside her means, she’s just going to end up selling the house and keeping the profits anyways
Your mom’s behaviour sounds awfully sus. I think it’s time for you to consult a lawyer.
NTA – How was your mother accidentally left off the life insurance policy? I could understand your sister, because she’s younger. It’s likely they bought the policy before she was born and never modified it. But that doesn’t explain why your dad never put your mom on the policy from the beginning. I feel like your first mistake was signing that over to her. And you might have some legal recourse, claiming that you were a minor and she coerced you.
And you’re right, chances are your dad did expect your mother to get the house in total. But seeing as how the life insurance got messed up, I would be hesitant to give her the house too. Don’t do that until after you and your sister have both completed college. If your mother burns through the life insurance money, and you need that portion of the house’s money to pay for your U-bills, then you still have it to use. After you’ve both graduated, you could sign your portion of the house over to her.
The 3 of you should look into transferring the property into a trust with your mom being the primary trustee. This will help ensure that when your mom passes someday, the house will become yours and your sister’s without a lengthy probate to deal with. If you just sign a quit claim deed, giving your share to your mother, there might be tax problems for you next year. Talk to a tax preparer or estate attorney before signing anything to make sure it doesn’t bite you in the butt.
NTA.
The law varies by country and state as to who inherits when there is no will. Half to the widow and half split among the children is not uncommon.
This “nuisance payment” being “complicated” is no reason for you to give her your part of the house. It’s an excuse for her to argue for what she wants, which is the house.
Your rightful share of the house is 25% of the current value, minus the current mortgage and minus 25% of the mortgage payment that she has made since.
For the life insurance, it really should go to the named beneficiary, which was apparently you. He may have made a mistake, or he may have thought you should take care of your mom and sister. Regardless I don’t understand why you would give your mom 100% of it to dole back out to you guys.
My advice would be to hold on to your part of the house at least until you and your sister get through college and your expenses are paid.
NTA I think you need to see the paperwork showing all this, and speak to a lawyer. If your mom is living there and paying the mortgage, I don’t see the need for you to sign over any ownership you may have, unless she’s planning on selling it.