I (F, 31) live in Boston and share a small 600 sq ft, 2 bed/1 bath apartment with my boyfriend (M, 39). We use our second bedroom as a small guest room/office space (I work from home 1 to 2 days a week). The guest room has an Ikea daybed that was designed to pull out into a queen size, utilizing two very thin mattresses. Since we seldom have guests over, we opted for using one decent quality twin size mattress instead, expecting our most frequent guests to be our respective moms (both live out of state).
We have lived here for a year, and the extent of our guests so far have been my mother who came to stay with us for three nights this summer, and BF’s brother-in-law who stayed with us for two nights in the fall. Now, BF has informed me that his BIL had so much fun in Boston, and that both BIL and his wife (BF’s sister) want to fly up in a couple of weeks from now to stay with us for the weekend and attend a show. BF is ecstatic because his family never comes up here to visit (they all live in Austin, where he is from). BF flys down to Austin once or twice a year to visit them.
I asked BF how he expected both his sister and BIL to stay with us, since we only have a twin bed in the guest room? He said that he thought it pulled out into a queen. I had to explain to him that it does not. He said, "Oh, they can just sleep in our bed then." I said I wasn’t really comfortable with that, and he just said "well we’ll figure it out" and dropped the conversation. The only options that I can see are that we give up our bed to them, and one of us sleeps in the guest room and the other on the couch -or- BF’s sister and BIL split up between the guest room and couch. Neither of these options sit well with me. The idea of having our living room occupied for an entire weekend would be incredibly stressful – this is where we spend most of our time when hanging out at home.
I think the part that is bothering me the most, is that BF’s sister and BIL are incredibly well-off financially. They own a huge home in Austin proper, and BIL is set to retire early this year at 55 because he can afford to not work with their savings. They could very easily get a hotel for the weekend, and I don’t understand why they would want to cram into our small apartment. BF says that’s just the way his family is.
WIBTA if I told BF that I refuse to let them stay with us? The idea of them both staying in our apartment for an entire weekend is filling me with dread, to the point where I’m considering booking a hotel to stay there myself (and I definitely cannot afford that). Should I just suck-it-up and try to be accommodating for the weekend? I am very much a creature of comfort and feel anxious with others in my space, so I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.
YTA.
Your final paragraph basically lays it out perfectly.
“Should I accept my brother’s immediate family, who I have no stated negative history with, being in my apartment for a weekend, or should I freak out and rent a hotel to get away from them?”
If your anxiety is this bad, you should absolutely seek professional help, and I say that without a hint of malice in my heart.
My first thought was that OP needs to seek help. Two people for a weekend? I was expecting 4-5 with screaming, undisciplined children, etc.
Get a queen size AeroBed (not an air mattress).
NTA, y’all are not teenagers having a sleepover. You’re grown adults. Janky sleeping arrangements (leading to poor sleep quality) and physically cramped quarters aside, the logistics of 4 adults sharing 1 tiny bathroom for 3 days is more inconvenience than any of y’all should have to deal with if they have the means for an alternative. (And they do)
THEY should get a hotel so y’all can have a nice, relaxing visit. Like adults. Trying to shoehorn all of y’all into such a small space is asking to inflame tensions in various ways amongst the group for no good reason.
Tell your BF that you understand his enthusiasm for being a good host, but that you’ll *both* be better hosts and have a better time overall if his family gets a hotel room or an AirBnB. Your BF can even stay there with them if he really reeeeally wants to sleep and poop in the same place as them.
I would offer that they can stay on an air mattress/air bed and let them decide if they want to stay with you or get a hotel or AirBnb nearby.
NAH
Let them stay without offering up your own bed.
They will realize how uncomfortable it is for more than one guest to try to stay there in the cramped space.
Your bf and you can buy a double bed air mattress and offer them the chance to sleep on that instead.
If you do the air mattress, do NOT buy the cheapest one you can find, but you also do not have to buy the most expensive one either.
NTA Let one sleep in the guest room and the other in the couch. They’ll get a room somewhere real quick.
YTA
Offer the couch and twin…. It’s one weekend this really shouldn’t be an issue
While I agree you shouldn’t have to give up your bed, YTA if you can’t handle one single weekend of discomfort while your partner’s family visits. You said yourself he’s super excited to have them visit. Surely you can suck it up for a single weekend? Besides, if you put your foot down about keeping your bed, maybe they will decide to get a hotel when they realise one would be on the couch.
YTA. Some families are weird where family members are made to feel like guests. Your family are not guests – they are family. If they are fine with spending two nights in a crowded 600 sq ft apt then sobeit. Y’all will survive it for a weekend.
YTA. This is only for a couple of nights and means a lot to your BF. If it was for 2 weeks, different story. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be uncomfortable for a couple of days. We all make sacrifices for family and in-laws. Now its your turn.
YTA if you straight up refuse to let them stay.
Do not give up your bed / bedroom – tell your bf that’s an absolute non-starter now and make sure he’s on board with that.
He can offer up the couch / twin mattress combo to them, or you can get a queen air mattress for the guest room, however if you do that they’re still going to be in your space all weekend. You need to deal with that. If your boyfriend is ok with your mom visiting, then you need to accommodate his family as well.
Soft YTA because your partner is obviously really excited, and it doesn’t sound like you really want to compromise. I think your concerns are reasonable (which is why I say soft YTA), but I understand how off-putting it can be to not have your partner be equally excited about something. Not to mention, by your provided ages, this brother is 16 years older than your boyfriend. His big brother enjoying his visit and wanting to stay with you again is probably *really special to him*.
If the futon doesn’t have enough space for both, I would talk to your partner about getting an air mattress. Once wife has the accommodation options, I’d imagine she’ll make the choice of a hotel. If I was 55 and traveling with my husband, I wouldn’t want to sleep separately or on an air mattress, and I certainly wouldn’t want your bed (don’t offer it as an option IMO).
YTA. It’s a weekend, not a month. My first apartment was a studio and I had my boyfriend, his brother, and a couple of my friends spend the week with us.
It was fun because we wanted it to be fun.
You already decided you will be annoyed. Even if you suck it up, I am pretty sure you will make sure everyone is miserable, because if you aren’t comfortable, you seem the type to make sure nobody is. That’s too bad. It could be a really good time.