How do i make my dad realize his younger child is the problem and if he doesn’t stand up to him he (my dad) will end up always picking up his slack.
My dad is obviously getting older and as a HUGE empath I wanted to relieve him of so much household stress. i’ve let it get to the point where he’s calling me asking what’s wrong with the tv when i’m not even home and it’s frustrating and it makes me mad and then makes me answer him rudely. my siblings have alway had the habit of acting useless ( im the middle child) and so i would step up to help. so now when im frustrated and complaining my older brother likes to always say “i dont know why you do that” “just stop doing that for them” “i dont know why you offer yourself” as if he wasn’t part of the reason they’re always coming to me for help. but that’s a whole other thing. right now my issue is with my younger sibling. i am currently splitting bills with him and he’s a lazy pos. always has time and money for everything else but when it’s time to pay his portion it’s always some dumb excuse and back then id help him out a little by either letting him pay me later or lending him money for his other bills . BUT HOW DARE I ASK FOR MY MONEY BACK CAUSE THEN ITS AN ISSUE. he would pay me back little by little but when he was in his pissy moods all of a sudden he’d call me broke cause I was asking for MY money back. he’d tell me he had bills to pay and that paying me back was the least of his worries. even after that i still lent him money but NOT ANYMORE. I refuse to give him another dime. so now ofcourse when he can’t run to his siblings he goes and asks our dad for money and guess what he does ????? he gives him the money to PAY ME his portion of the bills and i’m sick of it. He’s lazy and has too much time on his hands. now WIBTA if i tell my father to give him the responsibility of paying the bills from now on after i explain all my frustrations and that if he doesn’t give them to my brother and takes on the responsibility himself then i will gladly leave the house and let him baby that man in peace.
if he chooses to take on the responsibility instead of giving it to my brother it’ll be such a slap in the face because this whole time i wouldn’t have had to be stressing over dealing with my brother and his fuck ass attitude and could have been living stress free!!!
NTA ive been experiencing similar stuff for the pasy couple of years myself, they will never start parenting now if they werent before. From my experience its easier to guilt trip and make up bullshit to keep you tethered than to get their grown kid to respect them 🙁
ESH, I get you but you can’t make people do things. A boundary is for you and are healthy, ultimatums however are not. Your older brother is right. Look what you are willing to do without complaining and stop doing what makes you angry.
None of them will change, unless you stop all together. So I would suggest just stop doing it.
Oh goodness. Time to let yourself off the hook. You are not responsible for your father or your brother who are both adults. It’ll be hard. Really, really hard. But allow them to be responsible. Don’t split bills or solve problems. Be unavailable. Listen to the complaint and say “That sounds hard – what’s your plan?” over and over. Or don’t take the call at all.
And yeah. Move out. Separate your life. Let your dad and brother be co-dependent if they choose. Try not to allow the fact that they will likely continue to behave irresponsibly as a “slap in the face”. It’s not about you. Let them be irresponsible together. And you should know that in the end, there’s nothing you can do to stop them. They’re going to be who they are.
No ultimatum needed. Just find your own place to live, stop giving your brother money, and put your energy into having a great life without unnecessary drama.
Growing up and cutting out the drama isn’t easy
But it’s wonderful.