I started reading literature because I want to build a habit of reading and quit scrolling through reels, etc.
I’m not in a really good phase of my life right now. I’m having trouble with everything, to be honest, so I overthink a lot. I want to escape those moments because their intensity is very high, so I need an anchor to keep myself stable. I like to talk with my girlfriend when that happens, but she’s very busy and never available during the daytime. And I have those moments much more often during the day, so I’ve started reading as an anchor because reading keeps me occupied, and I get to escape my thoughts for quite some time.
I told my girlfriend about all this. She was like, "Don’t do it. It’s not good for you; you’ll harm yourself." When I said, "No, no, it’s nothing like that," she abruptly cut the call on me and got mad at me for saying that. I tried telling her my side, but she was just saying, "No, no, don’t read them," and this all escalated so much. She blocked me on her socials and told me she wouldn’t talk to me.
She also told me that I don’t listen to her, I’m not emotionally intelligent, etc., etc.
This isn’t happening for the first time, but because I love her so much, I let it all go. She hurts me then goes cold on me totally. I don’t know what to do.
Note : No, I am not using literature to reinforce self-destructive ideation
INFO: What is the type of literature you’re reading? If it’s fantasy books and she thinks they’re from the devil then you’re fine, if it’s something that could lead you to more harm the. I see her point. However, her way of dealing with it very much makes her TA, blocking and icing you out because she doesn’t get what she wants is not a healthy thing to do.
It’s Albert Camus, Oscar Wilde etc. I started reading only few days ago, 10+ days ago.
Oh, well you’re NTA, she’s definitely TA. Reading is a common coping strategy and I consume books like they’re food. In fact, I encourage you to read more, it’s good for the mind. Keep reading, but maybe re-evaluate the relationship, if you’re suffering from anxiety or overthinking I can’t imagine her being manipulative and nasty all the time will help. She’s far more damaging to you doing that than the books you’re reading.
I don’t see how reading can cause harm. I read all the time as a kid and the last few months I’ve been trying to swap my phone for my Kindle.
She sounds controlling to be honest.
NTA at all!
I feel like there is something you are not telling in your message …. Why would she say “don’t read THEM” and not just “don’t read” ? How does she justify not wanting you to read anything at all ?
Well, I’m in my 50s and I’ve been doing that since I was 5 Its a coping strategy, and whilst it might be problematic sometimes, it is way better than more destructive ones like drugs, gambling etc.
What kind of ‘literature’ are you reading?
Unless you’re reading a steady and exclusive diet of authors like Nietzsche, Kozinski, and Manson, she has no cause for concern — reading whatever you are calling “literature” is very unlikely to make you more depressed or overwhelmed. And this whole “cut you cold when you question her advice” thing is just manipulative, plain and simple.
You are NTA. Reading classic literature is a great and healthy way to distract yourself from intrusive thoughts, while also being intellectually stimulating and helping broaden your worldview. Nobody who actually cares about you would tell you otherwise.
Your girlfriend’s reaction reminds me of some misogynist 1950’s husband telling his wife not to read so she doesn’t get bad thoughts in her “pretty little head”. Or she is trying to pick a fight to justify breaking up with you. Either way she is controlling and toxic and you should be things with her.
Ok so we’re missing something seriously significant here. What are you reading exactly that has her concerned? There’s all kinds of “literature” out there from Pride and Prejudice, War and Peace all the way to the Jihadist manifestos and Andrew Tate books. Some are harmful and problematic, and some are a really great way to relax and unwind and stimulate your mind.
INFO needed.
I am reading old novels from authors like Albert Camus, Dostoevsky, nothing extreme.
She is concerned about reading contributing to self harm and then turns around and blocks you on everything? This type of behavior is bizarre asf just once, let alone repeatedly, and no doubt contributing to your poor mental health. If there’s no context missing this girl is an extraordinarily self centered person… who supposedly understands your mental health better than you (comments about your emotional intelligence)… but is so emotionally unintelligent that she cannot communicate, or act like an adult, she goes straight to blocking and manipulating… I’d run, op.
NTA. What you’re describing isn’t grounding, it’s escapism. Grounding is centering and balancing yourself in the moment. Escapism is exactly what it sounds like – trying to escape the feelings that are too big or too intense or too difficult instead of facing them and dealing with them. Trying to get out of the moment. Escapism can be useful as a survival tool when you are pushed beyond your limits, but it’s a way of trying to disconnect from your emotions rather than dealing with them in a constructive manner, so it’s not a healthy long term strategy. It sounds like you would benefit from seeing a therapist to talk about how to deal with the things that have you feeling overwhelmed rather than running from them. Right now, it sounds like the only tools you have in your emotional coping arsenal are using people like a security blanket and escapism, and neither of those is a way of actually facing and dealing with stress independently; they’re both ways of trying to escape pressure instead of dealing with it.
Having said that, your girlfriend’s behavior is manipulative and controlling, which is why I say she’s TA even though she might be trying to communicate that escapism is not a healthy method of coping. Things like hanging up and cutting you off when she doesn’t agree with you are signs of an immature and controlling style of conflict. That sounds like it’s not helping at all with the way you feel overwhelmed right now, to boot.
That is literally one of the purposes of literature. One of the reasons for exposing kids to literature and having young adults grow up with reading is to give them that tool for emotional regulation and mental support.
NTA