EDIT: Thank you for the comments! I will do what some of you have suggested:
1. offer to buy the guitar off her for higher than market price,
2. explain why I’m looking to get back this exact guitar, and
3. emphasize that she’s free to say no and I’ll drop it.
And of course I’ll apologize for even asking in the first place. Our relationship is not acrimonious and only just recently distant, so I’m hoping that this ask will be alright.
As to why I’m now feeling sentimental about the guitar and why I gave it to V in the first place –
I guess I felt the guitar was always going to be in my life in a sense even after giving it to V, since we were so close and I thought we’d always be in each other’s lives. As far as I know, it’s in storage at her place and I would pop by often, so it was still around if I had ever wanted to see or play it. Now that we’ve drifted, I realise I might actually not see it again.
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2 years ago, I (30F) gifted a close friend (30F, I’ll call her V) a guitar that I no longer needed because I upgraded to a new one.
Background – V and I have known each other since age 15 in 2011, but in the last year, we drifted apart and now haven’t spoken in months. I attribute this to a mutual friend whom I felt was being a bit of a bridezilla. I reduced my participation in the wedding party but V went along with it. I’m no longer close with either of them and am ambivalent about things turned out, although I can see from the their perspective that they likely felt I was unsupportive. There were no fights or outbursts – I just grew distant from them.
Back to the guitar – the main reason I want it back is because it was my 18th birthday present from my parents. I gave it to V because we were close friends for about a decade and I was happy to give a close friend an item I considered sentimental. While the guitar honestly doesn’t cross my mind often, when it does, I do wonder about the fate of it. As far as I know, V didn’t particularly use it although she does play the guitar casually and it’s the only one she has. It wasn’t in the best condition when I gave it to her since it was already almost 10 years old then. The specific model can be bought secondhand in good condition for about USD 60, but I want my original one back.
WIBTA if I ask V for the guitar back? My reasoning is:
1. There wasn’t any occasion when I gifted it to her (like her birthday or Christmas). I simply told her to have it since I got a new one.
2. It’s not particularly expensive. I’m not trying to get back any monetary value from her. I value the guitar simply because it was a gift from my parents.
If she says ok, I’ll also definitely get her a small thank you gift (something impersonal like stationary or posh chocolate), since she’d be taking the time to meet up to pass me the guitar.
YTA you can’t just take gifts back because you’re no longer friends.
Usually a gift is a gift and you have no right to get it back. But on the other hand asking doesn’t cost anything. You can ask the guitar back, as it is sentimental to you – maybe use some excuse of ‘now that your parents are growing older you realized that it holds important memories of your childhood and how they treated you” and not the ‘friendship has ended’ stuff. Also maybe offer her some cash for the guitar – you say it costs 60 bucks in a gift store, so offer her that price. Because now it ih HER guitar. You don’t have any rights to it and if she says no, accept that.
It doesn’t matter why you want it back. You gave it to your friend.
Yta whenever you gift someone something despite whatever reason, you dont get it back, and you should have thought about it before giving it away.
YTA come on you don’t ask for gifts back. If it was so precious and sentimental then you shouldn’t have given it away in the first place. That’s the risk of gift giving. Next time don’t give away guitars to someone for no reason.
YTA
You gave it to her with no stipulations of returning it. It was not on loan – it was a gift. You can either offer to buy it back if it’s sentimental, or learn to keep sentimental things so they don’t end up in ungrateful or unworthy hands.
YTA. A gift is a gift and regardless of circumstances, you probably should’ve thought about this before giving it away. Obviously we can’t predict the future, but it’s no longer “yours”.
Just offer to buy it back.
If you really want it back offer to buy it.
YTA it was a gift. Maybe offer to buy it
YTA you GIFTED her the guitar, it’s on you.
YWBTA if you asked for the guitar back because you guys stopped being close friends. It’s kind of a weird way to pop back into someone’s life and will probably look petty despite whatever friendship issues you had.
Someone said to word it as if you were getting sentimental about it, but to accept her ‘no’ if that’s her response.
Honestly, I would walk away. If someone else’s wedding had this much of an impact on your friendship, why would you go back for more?
Is the guitar really that sentimental?
INFO…Why is the guitar suddenly important to you now, but not then?
YTA. It was a gift. If it was so sentimental to you you shouldn’t have given it away, but you did…as a gift. You do not ask for gifts back, that’s super immature and petty. Take the L and use it as a learning experience.
YTA
It was a gift. You don’t get takie backsies.