My (31F) Husband (34M) is a creature of habit and has made himself the same breakfast every single morning for the 10 years that we have been together: a tofu scramble with various veggies made on the cast iron skillet. For years I would barely notice his cooking in the morning, however a couple years ago he started getting distracted while cooking and would walk out of the room to sit down at his computer and start thinking about work for the day. He will claim that the stove is off or on super low, but the result is that almost every single morning the food smells like burnt oil and just awful. I find the smell to be revolting and on a few occasions have had coughing fits from smoke in the air. He usually disagrees and says that there isn’t any smoke in the air.
At present, a couple of factors complicate this even more. We recently moved into a very old house with terrible ventilation and the fan for the stove just recirculates air around the kitchen. I am also pregnant and struggling with morning sickness and food aversions, and the smell of his nasty burnt breakfast makes me feel so sick and irritated. I try to stay calm when thinking and talking about it, but internally there is a hormone-fueled rage towards his breakfast. I hate it so much. I despise it.
I’ve tried talking to him about it a couple times… and he says he will be more careful. He doesn’t seem to really understand how irritating the smells are to me. This morning I was in a WFH meeting in my office, when he once again left his food unattended on the stove. The smoke filled my office and I was struggling not to gag and cough.
At this point I want to demand that he either 1) stop cooking breakfast entirely or 2) get a blacktop and cook outside so that I don’t have to smell it.
Why I think I’m not the asshole: he has demonstrated unsafe practices with cooking in the morning, and his burnt food makes my morning sickness worse.
Why I might be the asshole: this breakfast has been his daily routine since before we met. It’s a ritual at this point. He also doesn’t see things the way I do, says that his food isn’t burnt and that he doesn’t really leave it unattended and that I am being sensitive.
NTA because he shouldn’t be walking off and leaving things to burn. It really isn’t that long of a process, he should be able to stand by his food while he’s cooking it until it’s done.
I know nothing about tofu scramble, but surely it doesn’t take any more time than eggs being scrambled, which is a very little time. You have to stay around in the kitchen, even making French scrambled eggs.
Yeah, tofu scrambles really only take a few minutes to cook. Husband should not be walking away from the stove while his breakfast is cooking, as the scramble doesn’t need much time and it is also not safe to leave things unattended on the stove. With a little one on the way, now is a good time for husband to nip this habit in the bud, as it will be very unsafe for him to leave unattended items on the stove with a small child in the home
ESPECIALLY now that you’re about to have a child! Leaving a hot cast iron unattended is a great way to have a horrible accident in a few years when kiddo is walking around grabbing random shit.
NTA. You said you live in a very old house- that’s basically a tinder box waiting to catch fire. I think you have standing to demand he stop cooking or stay with it until it’s finished before the house catches on air or you have an accident from coughing & lung damage from inhaling burnt food smoke.
NTA. Tell him that he needs to stay by what he is cooking and that if he walks away you will turn off the stove and throw the food out. And then follow through.
NTA. My mom had some pretty intense food aversions during pregnancy and my dad happily gave up every single one of them without issue. It’s not a big ask to stop making fragrant foods on high heat in the morning while you are pregnant.
He clearly needs to get his routine figured out so that it doesn’t cause a fire.
NTA. Tofu scramble takes like 5 minutes, he can stay in the kitchen.
NTA and that‘s a whole fire hazard. Your husband needs to start taking accountability for how his habits impact his pregnant wife. You‘ll get a free „unreasonably banning husband from anything, ever“ pass for that alone
If he insists on making breakfast, he should make sure not to burn it
He could burn down the house with his nonchalant attitude. Don’t you have a smoke alarm that goes off? If not, I would get one. After several of those awfully shrill alarms going off he will surely start paying more attention.
NTA
He hasn’t been doing this for 10 years. Wandering off and leaving food to burn on the stove is a new development. Since your house has poor ventilation, a couple of well placed smoke detectors might help. I imagine the shrieking from that will cure him of his habit before too long.
And apart from the smell, what he is doing is stupid and outright dangerous. He could set your house on fire. When the baby dies of smoke inhalation is he going to shrug his shoulders and claim there wasn’t any smoke?
I agree, smoke alarms are a great idea. I’m a bit concerned OP doesn’t already have them.
A simple “Honey, you accidentally left the stove on” as you vomit into his lap {or his laptop, your choice} might go a long way to solve the problem.
Hey OP question…can he even smell or taste? Because if he genuinely doesn’t smell it’s burnt or taste that it’s burnt you may have a bit of a problem on your hands and should get him checked. 👀