I (F19) live in a college apartment with three roommates: Eliza (F19), Amelia (F19), and Becca (F19) (fake names). We’re all friends from last year. Eliza, Amelia, and Becca are on the same sports team.
At first, living together was great. Over time, issues started piling up.
Becca didn’t bring any dishes, cups, or silverware and has to use ours. She’s gone through all the disposable plates Amelia bought and often leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days. She’s said she prefers hand-washing instead of using the dishwasher (which I offered to show her how), but she frequently doesn’t wash them at all. Several times, her dishes sat in the sink for nearly two weeks until we cleaned them because guests were coming over.
She’s also left food in the fridge for months and denied it was hers. She used my food containers for weeks after making chicken because she “didn’t have any,” and one was lost when she went home for a weekend.
Her bedroom has had ongoing ant problems. She keeps food trash and our dishes in her room for weeks, sometimes with rotting food. Around Halloween, she fell asleep on a large bean bag chair in our living room and then lived on it for a full week. Sleeping, eating, skipping class, and changing clothes on it. During this time, she was on her period and got blood on it. The bean bag belongs to Amelia, not Becca.
Socially, things are tense. She gets upset if the three of us hang out without her, even though we regularly invite her. She often declines, says she doesn’t like certain places, or comes along and complains. If we’re out eating, once she’s done she goes quiet and asks if we can leave. At stores, she shops alone with her own cart, walks ahead of us, or rushes to the car and pulls on the door handles until we unlock it.
She’s also the only roommate without a car and often asks last minute for rides to the store.
One example: Eliza, Becca, and I went to the store, and Becca realized she forgot her wallet (this has happened before, and we’ve paid for her groceries in the past). She stayed in the car, declined when I offered to keep it running, then got out and set off the car alarm, running inside for the keys. She tried to get one of us to pay and her mom would give us money later. Both of us declined and restated we barely had money for ourselves to spend.
One complication is that Becca is the only Black roommate, and the rest of us are white. When concerns are brought up, she often turns them to race or upbringing differences rather than the responsibility issues we try to explain, which then makes us hesitant to speak up.
We’ve started venting to each other about her, which I feel guilty about, but living together has become miserable, and is taking a tole on our time that should be used for studying.
So, WIBTA if I confronted her about cleanliness, shared property, and how her behavior affects us? Possibly even asking her to move out?
Go to your RA and ask for new roomies
You can ask but you can’t make her move
Talk to your RA or the school if it’s intolerable
You already know her response “race card”
NTA… but you all need to document document document then go to either the land lord or school, cause poor ….. girl being bullied by those… is her goto
Yup. NTA
Info: When is the lease up? Tell her it’s not a good fit and either you all will look for another apartment without her or she can move out at the end of the lease. I wouldn’t rehash all the complaints with her though. It’s just going to make her defensive and sour the relationship even more. Just say it’s not a good fit, it’s not working, we aren’t happy, and these are the options. Repeat. How would she prefer to move forward?
ETA: NTA
Soft everyone sucks here. Esp if you guys havent brought it up to her. If its this bad that you have to vent or talk about her behind her back then talk to your RA or the campus housing dept. Just talking about her behind her back is doing nothing but causing more stress and creating a bigger rift that she is already saying exists.
This is a college apartment, not a dorm, so “going to the RA” is not actually an option here. If it’s anything like my college housing was, these are non-dorm houses or apartments that essentially operate like any rental and a landlord would absolutely not involve themselves with interpersonal issues amongst you.
How exactly would you go about asking her to move out? Would she be fined for breaking the lease, and are the rest of you willing/able to cover her share of the rent? Would she have anywhere to go? College housing was a HOT commodity in my day and the options would be extremely limited outside of the typical renting timeline. Any place she could get would likely be farther away from campus, and you mentioned she doesn’t have a car.
You are NTA for your feelings and not wanting to live with Becca; however, I posed the above questions so you can reflect on whether or not it’s even feasible to ask her to leave. A landlord will not intervene unless there is criminal activity or property damage, and unfortunately being dirty and even ants wouldn’t necessarily qualify. You may just have to resort to the shitty roommate classics—lock your dishes and other property in your rooms, stay out of the house whenever possible, don’t invite her places and ignore her complaining. It’s not fun and it’s not comfortable but you might not have any other option. Good luck!
She sounds gross NTA. tell her. Tell her It makes you uncomfortable and you guys are all annoyed with her behavior let her know you want a different roommate if she can’t be an adult