I have a beautiful, incredibly talented daughter who sings in a children’s choir. The choir is so good that they were invited to participate in two competitions in Europe next year, which is an amazing opportunity and something I’m very proud of.
We live in a very poor country in South America. I am a single mother and the only one financially supporting my household. I provide for my daughter, myself, and I also help my mother and my father whenever I can. My salary barely covers our basic living expenses each month.
Unfortunately, the cost of this trip is completely impossible for me to afford. Even taking out a loan is not an option, because I would have no way of paying it back. I am already living paycheck to paycheck, and any additional debt would put us in a very serious situation.
When I explained my financial situation and my inability to pay for the trip to the school administration, I was treated in a dismissive and disrespectful way. I was accused of not putting my daughter’s talent and interests first, as if love and support alone could magically create money. That hurt deeply, especially because everything I do is for my daughter.
I feel devastated that she might miss this opportunity, but I also feel responsible for keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table.
So, WIBTA if I cancel my daughter’s choir trip to Europe?
The school should be looking at fundraising ideas so families are not struggling to find the money to send their kids on these trips..
But if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. Not sure how old your daughter is but I would be age appropriately honest with her.
I came here to say this. My son went on a school trip to Washington DC, and they made it clear that even though some families could afford to pay for it, because not all could, we would all be fundraising. That is the kind of equity based leadership that is missing here.
My sister played in a children’s orchestra, not organized by the school, and my parents couldn’t afford the trip. The school just looked the other way while my sister sold candy bars out of her backpack that year.
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. NTA on that basis alone.
But if you’d like a suggestion, there’s no shame in a GoFundMe. If you can try to make it work, your daughter deserves the effort.
NTA. It’s not possible, sadly…
NTA – Don’t go into crippling debt for this ‘opportunity’. The school chose to be callous rather than empathetic.
NTA but you need to change your views on the situation. You’re not cancelling it. You’re not taking something away from her. It’s just not something you can provide at the moment. You’re doing your best and looking out for her.
NTA, but if you’re struggling yourself, you need to stop any financial support to your parents. As harsh as it sounds, you’re finacially responsible for you and your child.
Is her father on the scene at all?
NAH. It is a shame that you can’t afford it, but you’re probably not the only family who can’t afford the trip. From South America you’d need to fly, and that’s expensive before any other travel comes into it.
You say you/the school have already tried to fundraise. Sometimes things just aren’t possible and it doesn’t make anybody an asshole.
I grew up dirt poor, had to skip most of the trips our school went on. While it doesn’t feel good as the child being left out of these trips, the school should be able to understand that not everyone has the means to go on trips like this. Your daughter will understand all that you do for her as she gets older and will not hold it against you. You are NTA for living within your budget.
Certainly NTA – living within your means is responsible. I am disappointed that the school does not provide any assistance and even more disappointed that they made you feel bad about it.
NTA.
You literally cannot afford it.
I live in the US and we had similar extravagant trips. The teacher in charge and the school did things to try and make the trip achievable for everyone. We sold oranges, dont ask me why, I don’t full understand why that was a fundraiser, but it was common and people bought boxes of citrus fruit, and chocolate. For the kids who needed the financial help these fundraisers could fully fund their trip. For other kids they either lessened the cost of their trip or their parents could choose to donate.
The school’s attitude towards you is out of line.
Definitely do not take a loan for this.
You said the trip isn’t for a year. Is there time for you to try and fundraise? If the school needs an answer now then the answer is what it is, you cannot afford to send your daughter and your family isn’t going to go without food, shelter, medical care, etc to make it happen. If they have an issue with that they can find a way to include your daughter.
Definitely stop helping your mother and father! You need the money for your daughter and yourself. Unless they’re disabled, and then you can help them find social programs. Can you ask the school if they can provide a scholarship for those not able to afford this program? Or can you consider setting up a Go Fund me for her? You’re NTA.
NTA, but why isn’t the choir doing more to help fund the trip? I played basketball in high school and we had to fundraise for a basketball and volleyball tournament. We sold car wash tickets and washed cars, sold candy bars, etc. Maybe there is some kind of event that the community can organize. This is a church talking to you like this?
NTA. Your daughter is also NTA. If you don’t have it you just don’t have it. If there’s any way to fundraise, GoFundMe etc that could be worth trying.