My friend is going to get married and wants me and some other friends to throw her a bachelorette weekend party. She requested that it be done abroad (with a specific destination), and between specific dates.
Not only do we have to fully cover the costs ourselves, coordinating this between 10 adults is kind of tricky due to finances, limitations with dates, etc. So, we held a poll to vote on a weekend date. The problem is that the majority vote (except for mine), falls on a weekend of my annual camping festival trip – and to be honest I’d rather spend my weekend at the festival with people I’m closer with.
For context, I am (was?) quite close to this friend who’s getting married but I wouldn’t call her my best friend. We’re kind of not on the best of terms at the moment. I’ve been coming to the realisation that the friendship isn’t exactly balanced and I feel like sometimes I’m the only one bending over backwards for her but not vice versa. Also, she has a history of threatening to end friendships if you can’t attend her events (i.e. bday parties). I worry if I don’t go to this bachelorette, she would pull the same move on me.
WIBTA if I told the group and my friend that I can’t make their majority voted bachelorette date, and go with my originally planned camping festival instead?
NTA and your friend is pretty freakin bold to insist her friends throw her an expensive international party. If she wants to end the friendship over this, she’s doing you a favor. Walk away and don’t look back.
NTA. Tell the group and bride you understand the majority picked and can attend X weekend but you unfortunately cannot. Maybe to soften the blow and potential hard feelings offer to donate X dollars to subsidize the brides cost and say have a great time I’m so sorry I’ll miss it but I’d hate for everyone to have to plan around me!
NTA. You had previous plans and are unavailable.
NTA. You already have plans and can’t make it. To be honest is doesn’t sound like this friendship would be much of a loss. And someone who threatens to end friendships if you can’t attend an event doesn’t sound mature enough to get married.
NTA but that doesn’t mean your friend won’t be upset so you have to be ok with that. No one should ever expect someone to spend any money or time on their wedding unless they can and want to do so, but people are ridiculous with this stuff. And holy shit she ASKED for you to plan this trip ABROAD. F that. Nope. If people want to go and enjoy that kind of thing and want to use it as an excuse for a trip fine but shouldn’t expect it.
Oh man, I would bow out and not go to the wedding either
I don’t think your and asshole you have to think about your situation, are you married, dating, I mean me personally I’m not doing thins unless I was single
NTA
“Unfortunately, I have existing plans for that weekend and won’t be able to attend.”
As someone who won’t be attending, you don’t need to contribute to the bachelorette party at all.
If the Bride takes offense over the fact that can’t/won’t attend (and pay for) her party, then you’re well rid of her.
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