Posting on a throwaway account for obvious reasons. One of my closest friends has a brother who is a few years older than me. I’ve been to their house multiple times, have friendships with all the siblings and get on with the parents. The brother is married and has kids. TO MAKE IT CLEAR: I have never ever liked the brother like that or saw him in that way at all. When I’m at the house and he’s there I just politely say hello, that’s it. His wife is lovely and I really like her and her kids. I’m on a dating app and I saw his profile on the app, he has liked my profile. At first I thought it must be a mistake and he must not recognise me but he’s literally known me for years now. So it cannot be mistake. He has been caught cheating on his wife before. If I tell my friend and her sister (who is also my friend) I dread to think what pain it will cause their SIL. However, if I stop going over to the house it’s going to look strange. I’m the type of person who cannot stay silent as well, morally I think I should tell my friend and her sister because that is just not right. But then I’m not sure of the aftermath. What do I do? WIBTA?
NTA, but “OMG, your brother got divorced? He popped up on my dating app!”
(I think he’s testing you.)
This is a casual way for OP to inform her friend and let HER decide how to investigate/proceed. You know and like the SIL but OP’s friend is in a better place to handle this sort of news.
That’s quite a good idea actually, I may go with that. Thank you !!!!!!!
Yeah thats a perfect way to go about it.
I think you’re NTA no matter what you decide to do. You I’ve been thrown into a horribly awkward situation that is in no way your fault.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell my friend. Then let your friend handle how to tell her sister, and try to stay out of that part. It would be best if the focus were on the fact that he has a dating site profile, not that he specifically “liked” you.
NTA. I would want to know if my husband was on dating apps. You’re kinda in a no win situation but I’d tell for sure.
You need to tell the wife. You shouldn’t tell friend, in the end it is not her business. But it most certainly is the wife’s business.
How do I tell the wife; I don’t have her phone number or anything like that. How do you suggest? Should I just wait until I’m at the house again and she’s there? They have their own place but because of how close the family is she is always round at my friends house.
NTA. Normally, I would say mind your own business, but he made it your business.
YWBTA if you didn’t tell your friend, who you said you are close with. It’s up to her whether she tells her sister or not – but in a weird way you kind of look complicit if you don’t tell her, even if that’s not totally fair.
Ehhh I can’t judge BUT
I would honestly tell the friend and not get into it with the wife bc you never know what their agreement is. And he liked it knowing it was you so there are no surprises here. I would just show my friend and ask her what she thinks. Your friend has no dog in this fight, and maybe she can talk to her brother. But I wouldnt’ get involved in married people’s issues. She knows her man cheated, she is not dumb.
Personally I wouldn’t because it might be an agreement between him and his wife that he doesn’t want his family to know about. Someone told my parents that I was poly before I was ready to tell them. I didn’t get to share it in a thoughtful way. Or maybe he’s cheating. Which as a sister, I might not want to know that about my sibling.