For background: my friend and I were best friends since we were kids. We practically grew up together and consider each other brothers/family. We always have each others back.
6 years ago I got a job offer abroad. I took it. I felt that we drifted apart but we still talked from time to time.
Fast forward to today: He called me and told me he was getting married and wanted me to be his best man. I couldn’t give him an answer. I am a 12hour flight away and the wedding is in 6 days. The ticket prices are peak and I don’t know if I could afford the round trip.
My best friend told me that it would mean the world that I would be there as his best man. I can’t decide because I feel like I might ruin the day for him by not being there.
so WIBTA? What would you guys do if you were me?
NTA Say “I’m flattered, but there is no way I can do that on such short notice.”
If he was really your friend, you would have been invited weeks ago.
NTA. The timing of this is really suspect. Six days’ notice on a person’s major life event, requiring expensive international travel, is not remotely reasonable and I’d guess his original BM backed out. You’re so not-close at this point, you didn’t even know he was getting married?
I think whether you attend depends entirely on how much you want to rekindle the friendship and show up for someone who is asking you to be there. But you should not feel you’re ruining the day – you weren’t a part of this plan until just now, so the plan only ‘relied’ on you when his original plans fell through.
I’m super curious to know how he explained the extremely late notice, because it’s hard to gloss over that and not answer for it.
6 days prep? NTA.
Have you communicated you can’t afford it?
If it would mean the world to him then why did he wait until last minute to tell you and not offer to help you arrive?
NTA.
Sounds like his original pick for Best Man quit, and he’s looking for a sucker … I mean, replacement at the last minute.
NTA. His previous best man is unable to do it for whatever reason so now he’s asked you, at the last minute. If he really wanted you there he would have asked way before now.
Wait, he asked you to be his best man only 6 days before the wedding? Sounds like either you were not the first guy he asked to be his best man (so you’re second/third/etc choice) or he just doesn’t really care enough about you being his best man to arrange this ahead of time. Either way, it’s his own fault for asking to last minute.
If I lived a 12h flight away from someone, only a life or death situation might make go to them on such short notice, and even that’s not a guarantee.
NTA.
Guess you’re just his option 2, the original best man backs off. It’s not a shotgun wedding, 6 days notice is too short considering you’re on the other side of the globe.
Is this even real? Why would he only give you a 6-day notice? Sounds like you might second choice as best man after someone else backed out.
NTA, unless he’s willing to pay for your flight, I wouldn’t be going. The two of you aren’t even that close, you’re not going to ruin his day if you’re not able to make it.
Edit for spelling
I was coming in so ready to say if you won’t sacrifice for your self proclaimed best friend then who is worth it?? BUT 6 days?!!!
NTA
He asked you a WEEK before his wedding to be his best man? NTA.
If it was important enough for you to be there he would have planned better.
6 day notice? Hell no
The wedding is in 6 days and he just asked you?
Yeah. No. NTA
Either this wedding is essentially an elopement – and who has attendants at an elopement? OR he dropped the ball and should have asked you 6 months ago. OR the first best man just quit and he thought of you.
His lack of planning is not your emergency. IF you can’t afford it – you can’t afford it.
Thank him for the honor of being asked. Tell him you wish you’d had more notice because you would LOVE to have participated. Unfortunately, with the short notice you simply cannot get the time off work, nor can you afford to travel at the last minute. Don’t get all apologetic or over explain. It’s an invitation not a royal decree. And you’re declining.
He gave you 6 days notice? Dude, you are second pick best man. His first one bailed.