For context, my brother’s a serial cheater and has cheated on the three girlfriends he has had in the past. It never really sat right with me but it was something that I always felt awkward raising with him because I feel like he’d have an angry outburst at me if I did and I didn’t feel like it was my place to do so? It’s also something we don’t really talk about.
With the last cheating incident, he basically cheated on his ex with someone he was working with and the girl he cheated on with his ex knew that he was in a relationship at the time when things were already happening between them. Eventually, my brother and the ex broke it off because the ex found out about the cheating and my brother officially got together with the other girl. I really don’t like the girl as she did not make a good impression. The first time I met her, she visited our family’s condo and was sprawled all over the couch as if she owned the place which I didn’t like because you’d really think, “who is this stranger in my home?” Also my brother never bothered to formally introduce her to me and I just cannot overlook the fact that she willingly had an affair with someone who was still in a relationship. I just have no respect and I don’t want to have a relationship with them.
They’ve officially only been together for less than a year and I just found out from my mom that my brother was planning to propose to her tomorrow. I’ve discussed it several times with some friends and some of our cousins that I’m not keen on attending their wedding should it happen. WIBTA if I didn’t go? While I have a civil relationship with my brother, I just feel like how he’s been acting and his new partner are not people I want to keep a relationship with. At the same time, there is that element of maybe my family will perceive me as too harsh for not going but I just cannot stomach having to fake it if I went.
NTA your brother’s fiance will find out the hard way if your brother sticks to his ways
NTA, cheaters are the worst and will continue cheating. if he really feels that strongly about it tell him you’ll catch the next one
NTA if you don’t go but you might wanna slow your roll until you see if they actually invite you.
I would actually be relieved if they didn’t invite me 😂 Then I wouldn’t have to explain to the rest of my family
My advice is get a covid test and a pink marker when you’re picking up the 2/$1.00 wedding card. They conveniently sell all 3 at most drugstores.
It can happen! My cousin called me, asking if I’d gotten an invitation to my sister’s ceremony or just to the reception, like she did.
Neither. 🙌🏼😂
With your brothers record there may not be a wedding. He may find someone else to cheat with. If there is a wedding, go and enjoy the party. You don’t have to interact with them, just keep your distance and hang with the cousins
NTA but frankly, I would be questioning if they even get to the wedding date, given what you’ve described of your brother.
NTA- if you feel this strongly about it than stick to what you feel. If he asks why, just tell him. Realistically there’s nothing you can or even should do about this situation beyond refusing to participate. The girl he’s planning on marrying already knows this guy cheated on a different woman to get with her. You gotta just let the chips fall. If I were you I’d play it off like I just don’t take his relationship seriously when he asks why you aren’t going. I’d say something like “oh you’re actually going through with it? You cheat on girls so much I thought you were joking” or “haha ok dude, like I’m going to show up to a wedding and give you money for a girl you’re probably going to cheat on and divorce within a year? Nah”
Wedding probably won’t happen, if he’s cheated on the last 3 partners then what makes this girl the exception? Plus, she knows he’s a cheat & more likely to be on alert to catch him.
That said. I might attend if it went ahead, if only to assure a relationship with any future nieces or nephews that may come from the union.
You act like going to the wedding is you cosigning the relationship. Additionally if he’s a serial cheater they may not even make it to the wedding and he hasn’t even asked her yet. You seem to be borrowing trouble at this point.
ESH if you decide no to go! NTA if you go.
What purpose does it serve to not go to the wedding? And what outcome do you expect from it? And what outcome do you desire from it?
If you genuinely don’t want to keep a relationship with your brother, then not going to the wedding will likely help in this regard because I’m pretty sure he’s going to want to cut you out of his life if you decline and he gets the feeling you’re rejecting the life decision he has made.
That also means you’ll be cut out of his kids lives, and their kids. Your kids cousins will may not be in the picture. Maybe you’d prefer that, but maybe you won’t in 10 years. And maybe your kids won’t.
It may indeed create a rift in the family that doesn’t heal for years, because you’re choosing his ex-gf’s feelings over your family’s bonds. I’m not saying that means you need to support his decision and change your views about his behaviour, but I am saying that he is family. When weddings are involved it’s not just you and him anymore, you’re making a choice that will have a ripple effect.
What’s more, he will ask you why. And the family will ask you why. And the friends will ask you why.
The result is that instead of sitting through an estimated 8 hours of celebrations, you’re going to spend FAR MORE than 8 hours talking about it ad-nauseam with probably every relative and family friend, defending your decision. Then you’ll spend another even more than 8 hours debriefing with your friends and maybe therapist and other confidants about all the opinions on whether it was fair to him for you to do that.
I don’t know what other issues exist between you and him or what the rest of the family dynamic is like but I think this decision will have far reaching effects, to the degree of 20 years from now when you may think about things very differently.
Family is family. He is not your friend. Friends come and go. He is your brother. You don’t have to agree with everything he does, but he will be your brother for life.
The most important thing I want to say is that right now it is his behaviour and decision making which is questionable, while presumably your reputation, so to speak, is clean.
If you make the decision to not attend his wedding, it will be your behaviour and decision making which will be up for questioning too from that moment forward.
Good luck!
I was prepared to not like this response but I mostly agree with it. I understand the not wanting to show your support for a relationship you don’t agree with but I do agree that not going will likely have life long consequences which may be unpleasant. I personally would quietly go but I would put in low effort. Decline speeches/toasts if offered, buy a $20 gift, etc.
You can choose not to attend, no one can make you. Just don’t be surprised if it does irreversible damage to your relationship with your brother.