i’ll try to make this as short as possible. awhile ago, when i was 16, i had a feral cat show up. she had kittens, we ended up with 2, then we ended up with the mama because no one wanted her (rescues wouldn’t even take her since she wasn’t friendly).
anyways, i got her socialized and now she’s great with my mom and i, but still acts feral around anyone else. i’d consider her either a former or semi feral.
this cat has some medical issues. chronic FCV which means she has to be completely separated from the other cats. but the big issue is stomatitis. it causes her mouth and throat area to get red and swollen, and makes it very difficult for her to eat. she also hates most wet food which makes it harder.
now with stomatitis, there’s no known med that’s a cure. the only way to \*maybe\* get rid of it is to do a full mouth extraction. this will be at least 2k-3k USD. we finally had about half of it last year, and then another cat needed immediate surgery that took all those funds. then we needed a new vehicle. then we needed a new dryer. then she needs bloodwork. it’s thing after thing and we haven’t been able to get the money like we hoped.. we have care credit but we want to be sure we can pay it off in 6 months because that interest would kill us
she has been on steroids for almost the whole 2 years, plus zyrtec and she gets antibiotics every few months. the full mouth extraction could completely resolve her issues, or do nothing. my vet said that with the long term steroid use, it could be less likely to help.
now it’s 2026 (we got her in 2024), and we have a few hundred dollars saved up but she’s really needs bloodwork (due to the steroids) which will be $400-$600…
the cat is under my moms name at the vet, since i was a minor when we first got her. i mentioned to her that if by the end of the year we still don’t have anywhere near enough to get the FME, we should at least consider euthanasia. i don’t feel it’s fair to continue to essentially force her to suffer. she has to have steroids daily and antibiotics every few months just to feel a little better, and she still doesn’t play like she used to. she can eat fine, but just lays around all day. used to she played.
my mom got pissed at this, comparing it to humans and saying how we couldn’t do that. but she isn’t a human. and fuck i love her so much but i can’t just watch her suffer for that much longer. i know im a shit pet owner for being unable to afford the surgery, but i feel even worse knowing she’s suffering. my mom refuses to have an actual conversation about it. i guess her plan is just to keep spending $400-$600 on bloodwork every 6 months and keep giving her steroids and antibiotics… but with all that, i’m afraid we’ll never be able to afford the surgery. i didn’t bring it up to say we need to do it now, i just think realistically it should be an option at some point if her quality of life is that low.
so AITA for bringing up euthanasia?
Nta. It sounds like euthanasia would be the better option for everyone. The cat wouldn’t suffer anymore and you guys wouldn’t be spending money you don’t really have.
Nta, you’re considering her quality of life and that’s a conversation that should be had. You may also look at some pet related nonprofits or groups for assistance. Some shelters even have programs like this.
You aren’t a shit owner for not being able to afford medical care. You are doing everything you can to help your cat live a good life. But, as you’ve mentioned, when the quality of life comes into question you need to have conversations around euthanasia. Choosing to euthanize is painful and will sometimes feel like you made the wrong decision but it can truly be the selfless and kind thing to do. Only you and your family can make that choice for your cat.
NTA. I’m sorry your mother is making this more difficult for you.
NTA, you are considering her QOL. Which is the kindest thing you can do. Animals don’t know how much time has passed; they only know pain in that time. Sometimes euthanasia is the best thing for an animal.
NTA and this is one of the hardest and most loving decisions pet owners have to even think about. You’re talking about it because you’re watching a cat with a chronic, painful condition live on steroids and antibiotics indefinitely, with no guarantees that the one possible fix would even work. Stomatitis is brutal and long term steroid use has risks. “She eats but just lies around all day and doesn’t play anymore” it’s about quality of life at this point and wanting to prevent prolonged suffering is not cruel.
NAH.
Neither of you is wrong. In your mom’s view, the cat is family and euthanasia is off the table.
For you, you’re seeing an animal you care about suffer every day with no clear path for that suffering to stop.
Neither of you is wrong, but your mom’s attachment might be getting in the way of the kindest option for your cat.
I’m sorry for this situation. I hope you find a solution and both you and your mom can find peace with the path you take forward.
NAH
It’s good you are thinking of the cat’s well-being. It’s also good you are trying to have a discussion with your mom.
It might make the conversation easier if you presented your mom with your thought process and gradually built up to euthanasia, for example how you don’t think it’s possible to save the funds.
It actually sounds like your mom would spend all her savings into treating the cats which shows incredible empathy and self sacrifice but maybe there is a conversation there too.
I recommend posting this question on several cat subs in case you get ideas on how to fund this surgery or other alternatives. They might also help with the discussion about euthanasia.
NTA I know there’s mixed feelings on euthenasia but I think it’s selfish to continue to allow your pet to suffer after you’ve exhausted all of your options. It’s at least worth a discussion. If your mom doesn’t want the cat put down then she can chip in money for the meds then.
Nta as well. My cat had a stroke in 2024 and we gave supportive care for 24 hours to see how she’d recover (apparently cats recover from strokes better than people) and after a day of no improvement I knew she needed to be put down. I bawled my eyes out and made sure my sibling knew what I wanted in case I choked in front of the vet but my sweetest of hearts was kindly laid to rest the next day after one more night at home for snuggles. It’s a horrible thing to have to decide but it’s not about the person, it’s about the quality of the baby’s life.
NTA. These are the hard choices one has to make as a pet owner. People are saying NAH but OP’s mom doesn’t just disagree, she got angry. So mom shut down the conversation. She’s clearly feeling grief but it’s still not okay to get angry with your daughter when she comes to you with a hard topic. It took a lot of bravery and maturity to even brooch the subject.
Also OP, you aren’t a shit pet owner. You are constantly saving for and paying for life-saving treatments for your pets. Also if you’re living at home, aren’t you a minor?
NTA
This decision is about quality of life.
Ask your mom if you can go into the vet with her and have the two of you discuss the cat’s quality of life with the vet.
I loved my cat so much, she had congential intestine problems and then came down with cancer and she was skin and bone, had no energy, no quality of life. She was only 5 and I made the call to put her down. It was three years ago and I’m tearing up now just thinking about her.
Do I still feel guilty about it? Yes. Do I think/hope I made the right call for her? Also yes. It’s horrible. But it’s an option that should as a minimum be evaluated.
100% NTA. A responsible cat owner should as far as is possible think about what’s best for the cat, and that’s what you’re doing.