25F.
I will first start by saying I work as a band teacher, and will often work until 8PM. Im passionate about my job, but it drains me so much, to the point I crash on the couch after coming home, wake up, do it again. On weekends, I like ti stay home and snuggle my cats, and I don’t really go out much anymore because I just get home sick and just want to relax and consume. I used to be more creative and used to make a lot, but ever since I started working as a teacher, I just haven’t had that drive. My mother and I have a complicated relationship, but she is trying to repair it. She bought a condo where I live, and she visits… a LOT. Like, twice a month for a week. She will often ask me last minute to give her a ride, and the airline she uses will only ever land here on weekdays, and the airport is almost two hours away from my work (I take a 45 minute commute). She visited for her birthday, and I ordered her a gift two weeks prior. My card had gotten declined, and I didnt realize until the next week. By that point, I couldn’t afford the gift (30 bucks, had 15 in my account), and told my mum is had to wait until my next paycheck, which was a week after her b day.
As I was driving her to the air port, she yells "Where’s my present??" I told her again my card got declined. She starts yelling at me about how I’m terrible with money. (I only spend money on rent and groceries, and gift I guess now).
Anyways, i got my points from my credit card, and have christmas money now. I already ordered my mum’s gifts. She gets her b day gift, and calls to tell me "It’s wasn’t worth the money. You should have just made this yourself" (it was a five tear dessert box). I’m honestly getting frustrated with everything building up, and I still haven’t been able to just chill out, I haven’t even been able to do laundry this week.
She asked on the phone if I got her christmas presentz yet, I said yes. And she said "Make me something." I’m not gonna lie. I dont WANT to make anything for ANYBODY. It takes up time I dont have, and I’m so drained on the weekends I couldn’t even think of anything. She wants me to write a BOOK for her about her…
WIBTA if I didn’t…? I’m so tired, and she’s been a lot to deal with, but should I just suck it up?
NTA OMG, she sounds draining. Give her the 5 tier dessert thing and be done with it. Absolutely fucking do not write a book about her, narcissistic witch. And why is she staying over for 2 weeks out of every month, urgh. I’d be putting my foot down about that shit
There is a reason you do not have a good relationship with your mother and it is evident here
You are allowed to tell her it is not convenient for her to visit. These visits are excessive and intrusive. You are an adult so you get to call the shots on who visits and when.
NTA
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Ugh right? If this is how Mother acts when she’s trying to repair the relationship, how does she act when she’s not?
Girl what?! Where does your mother get the audacity? Say no to the command to make gifts. There is no explanation necessary but if it helps convey the message say something like “I don’t have the energy for that this year” or “I’m not making gifts this year” or even “I wont have time for that but if you don’t want storebought gifts I would gladly return them.”
Your mom is being ridiculously AHish. I’d suggest you start cutting down on her attempts to repair the relationship that simply add to your to-do list, your obligations, and your expenses. Tell her you can’t provide transport from the airport, tell her it’s not a good time to visit, etc. Start drawing those boundaries – you really deserve the break. NTA
Mommy dearest needs an attitude adjustment. Yikes. Who demands gifts? That makes it a payment. I’m so sorry.
NTA. Your mom sucks. Stop giving her rides to and from the airport since she sounds super ungrateful. I would make her a 3 year olds version of a book with construction paper and glitter glue, and it would be four pages on why she is awful spelled out in crayon.
NTA. Tell her if she wants you to make her something for Christmas, the only thing you’ll make her is mad.
You are spending your money on chauffeuring, feeding, and housing your mom.
YNTA honestly your mom asking way too much of you. You seem exhausted and making anything (drawing, crocheting, baking) any of it is extremely time consuming. I’d bet you’d love to do your hobbies, sadly your schedule just doesn’t allow for that anymore. For her to act like it’s your fault she doesn’t appreciate the gift you got her even though you could barely afford it is stuck up and childish. Forcing someone to make you a present when you know they barely have time for their own laundry is wild!
Instead of writing a book about her give her a copy of the book “Mommy Dearest”. She seems to be giving off that kind of vibe.
ETA: forgot to say you’re definitely NTA!
You’re NTA
>she visits… a LOT. Like, twice a month for a week
So she’s there 50% of the time? Damn… that’s way too much.
>She wants me to write a BOOK for her about her.
Well, you can try that but it won’t do much for your relationship if it’s accurate.
YTA to yourself. I know you know it’s time to stick up for yourself.
“Mom, I would love to make you a gift, but I’m not retired. When I am, ask me again. Until then, please be aware that if you continue not to appreciate the gifts I give you, I will start giving you cash instead. It’s hurtful. I’m doing my best and can’t afford any more. I’d really appreciate it if you could be more supportive.”
As for driving to the airport, you are going to have to say no. If she can afford frequent flights, then she can afford an Uber. And if she can’t, she could visit less often and afford an Uber.
I would acknowledge that she is making an effort, but your current arrangements need to be adjusted because they are exhausting you financially and physically.
What grown woman in her right mind demands gifts from her child who is financially struggling? She’s not 5. NTA.I like the origami book idea.
Does your mom treat *any other adult* this way? Or just you? Would *you* allow another adult to treat you this way?
You are not a child anymore, you’re a peer with a life outside of her, and you are *entitled* to the *same respect* she gives others. Stop behaving like she has some kind of authority over you.
NTA, but my guess is she’ll make you feel like one no matter how hard you try.