For context, both my best friend (17M. I’ll call him Jake) and I (16M) are both currently attending the same high school. I am currently in grade 11 (one year off from graduating) and he is grade 12, but coming back for another semester next year because he wants to graduate with me, and because he still needs to get more volunteer hours. (where we live we have to have 40 hours of volunteer work to graduate)
I don’t have many friends outside of Jake, just a couple friends from summer camp, but we barely talk outside of camp nowadays. Jake also has few friends outside of me, but he isnt close with them either. This means we pretty much always stick together (and have since we met 2 years ago), inside of school and out of it. We try to do volunteer work together, do every after school activity together, want to room together for college, you get the idea.
The program that I really want to get into is at least 2 days of travel from home, and the college I really want to get into doesn’t offer the program that Jake wants to go to, but it would be an amazing opportunity for my future career because its a good school and near an area where there is a lot of opportunity for field work. There’s also a program that would be amazing for Jake, but he is really really hesitant to go because its pretty far from where we live, and he says he wants to stay by me (I haven’t told him I want to leave our home city yet)
This college isn’t my only option, but its my first choice if I get to choose and if I get in next year, but I feel guilty for willingly leaving him. I don’t want to leave him alone, and I know he would hate it if I left. WIBTA? If not, how do I tell him when the time comes to apply next year?
NTA. If you stay for the sole purpose of sticking with your friend, you will be sacrificing your own first choice.
At some point, you may resent your friend because of it.
NTA
> Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
i.e. Don’t sacrifice your future for someone else.
You need to get the best education you can get.
(And a true friend wouldn’t be selfish enough to ask you to sacrifice your future of themselves.)
nta. this is precisely the time in life where being open to new experiences, cultures, and distant places will serve you the most. this is your time. go wherever sparks your excitement!
College is an incredibly personal decision and you should 100% go somewhere that a) has your program you want and b) can give you financial aid.
I hate seeing people make their college decisions based off of another person, because it almost always ends poorly.
NAH
YWNBTA. You can’t hamper your life for someone else’s preferences. Tell him where you will be applying now, which will give him time to decide whether he wants to go there, too, or go near there, or go somewhere else entirely. If he complains, tell him why you want to go there. Also, you might not get in.
NTA
You can’t plan your life around a friend like this. I’m sure your friend is a nice guy, and you sound like a nice person, but he’s not your partner or spouse. You need to make the decisions that are best for you, not for you and a friend.
NTA Do not plan your future based on someone else, unless that person is a spouse.
I think even though the prospect of it feel seem hard, and the anticipation of not wanting to hurt their feelings, but you need to what feels right for you, not hold yourself back. If your great friends, you will remain great friends regardless of distances etc. Good luck, and be brave, you don’t regret it, and you don’t want to always wonder ‘what if’ x
Do NOT center your college/university life on your friend(s); such decisions rarely end well.
This is a time to seek out – and take advantage of – the best available opportunities.
YWNTBA for doing what’s best for you.
ps> It seems that neither of you does anything significant without the other…and, to be honest, that doesn’t sound healthy.
I didn’t even have to read the whole thing to say NTAH, just from the title alone. You are 17! I’m 31 and I don’t talk to ANYONE that I knew when I was 17. People change and grow up, most of the time for the worst and some for the better. I didn’t meet my TRUE best friend until after college.
Go out and see the country! Visit a new place!! If they were really your best friend they would encourage you to take this next step in your life and stay in touch, not try to guilt trip you into doing what will make THEM happy.
NTA. Your friend is insecure, and may have trouble making friends, so he is latching onto you. However, you cannot sign up to be his emotional support person. Your life, your career, your college choice. It is not selfish of you to go whichever college you want to study what you want.
NTA