Recently, my GF and I (both 22, no kids) were planning a trip, and we settled on Mexico in August. As with everything else i’d pay for it, and just 6 months ago we went on her dream vacation to Washington State, where we had a great time. I told her to give me 3 months to save some money because I went overbudget on Christmas, and we’ll book everything.
Two days later, she brings up going back to Washington again (she’s always talking about WA/OR). I said it would be cool to do again someday, maybe next year, but since we just went, I’d rather do something that’s new to us, especially since we already agreed on Mexico.
The next day, she comes home and tells me she has semi-planned another Washington trip, says **she’ll pay for it**, and it will be in the next 2 months. I was surprised and asked a few questions about it, and I mentioned that we just went, so maybe something different, like pitching in for Mexico. I did not give her an opinion at this time (imagine telling your kid they can’t go to Disney World this year)
The next day (day 4), she informs me that she reserved the hotel and has taken the days off from work (5-day trip), so now I know shes serious, and I had to inform her that I don’t want to go. I gave her every reason in the book, and I’ll give some reasons here, but she is still failing to understand. So please read these reasons and tell me AITA
1. We just went 6 months ago, and I feel it’s unfair to do something that only she wants to do (Washington is a beautiful place, and I’d love to go again, just not twice in 8 months)
2. She has no savings. I am financially educated and helped guide her to paying off her debts for the last 2 years, and finally, last month, she got them all paid off, meaning she now needs to rebuild her emergency savings
3. There was basically no communication. She planned this 100% herself and only informed me after decisions were made.
At this point, we’ve been arguing for 2 days. Eventually, I convinced her we should switch the vacation dates and split both trips 50/50 so we each get what we want: Mexico in 2 months, Washington in August. also I can still follow my budget
But now the Mexico trip cost jumped about $100/day, and she doesn’t even have a passport. I suggested pushing Mexico back a few weeks (lower prices + time for passport). She refuses to change her time off, even if it saves money or ensures the passport is ready. So planning Mexico feels reckless.
Now she’s back to planning Washington without me and says she’ll take her friend instead, which feels spiteful.
At the end of the day, I am very blessed that my biggest life issue is a vacation
NTA but are you sure you want to be in a relationship where you are the only adult. You sound more like her dad than her bf. She doesn’t respect your opinion and just does what she wants regardless of what you want and then expects you to pay for it.
I will solve this for you.
Get a new girlfriend. This one is not financially compatible to you, as well as ignoring you and your input in order to proceed “full speed ahead” because that is what she wants.
NTA. Your GF literally ignored you, what you wanted, and put herself first. Red flags flying.
Get a new girl friend. She’s bad news for you.
This is your future. She does as she pleases, won’t take no for an answer, will incur debt to get what she wants when she wants it. I don’t see any consideration of you, your wants desires or efforts in the equation. And somehow you’re always left holding the financial burden. I don’t think this is long-term sustainable, or that you are very compatible.
NTA. Why a reasonable-seeming person would put up with such a financially irresponsible, inconsiderate partner is beyond me.
I agree with what all the others are saying and just wanted to add one thing:
>(imagine telling your kid they can’t go to Disney World this year)
I do have kids and it is very important they learn early on that you can’t have everything in life. It’s a good thing to tell your kids stuff like this.
Rofl. Nta but you are 110% WRONG!!! Your biggest issue isn’t a vacation. You have a girlfriend who doesn’t care what you want. You have a girlfriend who doesn’t care about debt. You have a girlfriend who doesn’t want your opinion bc she’s going to do what she wants and you don’t get a say. This will be the rest of your life if you don’t do something.
RIP to this relationship
NTA
It seems that your GF made up her mind she was going to go back to Washington, for whatever reason. I would not be easily convinced that the only reason is that she just likes the area, especially since you were just there recently. You may infer from that what you like, it’s just something I’m throwing out there for you to consider.
A lot depends on how serious your relationship with your GF is. If you are considering making it more permanent, this stubborn streak in making biggish decisions like this doesn’t bode particularly well. In addition, she is not being responsible financially, to spend money on a trip only she wants when she has no savings yet. Again, just something to think about. She is being very inflexible about the entire thing, IMO, which makes her position the one that is at least somewhat on the wrong side of the assholery line. One more thing I’m picking up on is your statement that “as with everything else… ” you would pay for it. Does she contribute to the shared living expenses at all? (I am assuming you are living with her, although you don’t say that, and if I’m wrong that becomes less important.)
Since arguing about the issue hasn’t helped, it may be better just to let the matter drop and wish her a good time when she departs for Washington.
Her inflexibility and stubbornness about this, as well as being at least somewhat financially irresponsible make it important for you to decide for yourself how important this is. She isn’t respecting your opinion at all, and that can’t be a good feeling.
Why are you with someone who has no regards to what you want and ignores anything you say? Run Forest Run…
NAH.
You’re both adults. You can both plan vacations you want if you’re paying for them. However, she’s out of debt now, so stop subsidizing her life/vacations.
She wants to pay for a trip to WA with a friend and she’s using her money–you get zero say my dude. AND, you don’t have to pay for her to go to Mexico. You don’t have to cover all the bills.
If you’re okay with the arrangement that you pay for everything/the majority so she can save money, you don’t get to dictate how she spends that money. IF you want to re-negotiate household expenses now that she’s paid off the debt, you can/should do that.
It sounds like you both suck at communicating. Maybe she wanted to “treat” you to a trip on her dime after all you’ve done for her and WA would cost less than Mexico. Maybe she’s perceiving that you had an amazing time there and she wanted to go with you because of those memories. Maybe this was a (misguided) attempt to plan something for the two of you that was hers to plan. Maybe her saying she’ll just take a friend is coming from a place of hurt because you ‘rejected’ what was intended to be a gift. I’m not excusing the poor communication, just saying its a potential explanation that you’d know if y’all talked to each other more.
Or maybe she’s an inherently selfish person and using you as a sugar daddy. Again, an adult conversation would help elucidate the truth here.
Have a calm conversation, not an argument. Where you just ask her to explain her thought process. You can explain yours. Do not present it in a way, like you did on this post, that your *opinion* on how you should choose places to travel is ***correct***. A lot of people revisit their favorite places time and again whereas others like to explore new places–that’s a preference, there’s no rule about what’s “right”
Brother. Fucking. Run.
Edit: fast. Run fast as shit. Run so fast she spins around like a looney toons character.
Edit edit: like GET GONE MY GUY YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE A FUTURE DIVORCEE
Edit edit edit: just ask her to leave an not come back. Seriously my friend. Save yourself. She know not what she do, but she doing it anyway
Edit edit edit edit: MY GUY IF THIS IS HOW SHE RESPONDS TO THIS IMAGINE HOW WEDDING PLANNING IS GOING TO GO.
Edit edit edit edit edit: BROTHER PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU!
This isn’t a *vacation* issue, this is a GF issue.
Get another one; this one is defective