As stated in the title, I’m part of a book club at my hometown’s local library. The club is based around the book series "33 ⅓", a series of books that each focus on a specific album. We listen to the album, read the book, and meet every third Tuesday of every month to discuss the book, album, and artist. I started going a few months ago and today was my third time going. The group has met up a lot in the past and they’re pretty close-knit, so I’ve been trying my best to fit in with them despite my social anxiety making it pretty difficult sometimes. Things have been going well, until tonight at least. The subject of tonight’s meeting was the Sam Cooke album "One Night Stand – Live At The Harlem Square Club". We tend to go off topic a lot, especially lately because there have been fewer people than before, and somehow the topic of Taylor Swift came up. A few of them took the opportunity to take unnecessary shots at Taylor Swift, making fun of her newest album (one of them said it sounded AI generated), and generally just shit talking her. I love Taylor Swifts music, have since 2020. Her music has been a beacon of light in the darkest parts of my life. Because of this, her music has become more than music to me, it’s become a part of who I am. It’s in my blood, my DNA, my soul, my personality, it’s everything to me. When the comments started happening, my face turned hot and I almost walked out with anger. I made a joke about walking out hoping that would stop the comments, but it didn’t. I pulled my phone out to distract myself until the conversation shifted and I was able to rejoin it without blowing my top. Those comments ruined a rare night off work for me because I’ve still been pissed off about it ever since I left the library. The leader of the book club has all of us in an email list, and I’m considering emailing everyone and asking them to refrain from shit-talking Taylor Swift while I’m there. Up until now, I really enjoyed talking about albums I love and learning about albums I know nothing about, and I want to continue going to meetings, but I don’t know how long I can keep going if they keep shit-talking an artist who’s music so vital to my very existence. So Reddit, would I be the asshole if I politely asked the members of the book club I go to to stop talking shit about one of my all-time favorite artists?
Edit: just to clarify because it’s been asked a lot in ths comments, I’m 22. I don’t know why that matters, but there you go.
Soft YWBTA
Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to feel them. However, the book club is not about you. If it really bothers you that much, you can politely excuse yourself when the topic comes up (bathroom break?). It would be a huge overstep to try to ban what sounds like an on point topic because you dislike their opinions.
You’re “apart” of a book club? Please.
YWBTA. If they kept bringing it up over and over at multiple meetings or if they were doing it just because it made you mad, I think it would be fair to ask them to stop, but I think a music discussion group is fair game to criticize a music artist.
And I think you need to step it down a little bit if “It’s in my blood, my DNA, my soul, my personality, it’s everything to me.” is not exaggeration. I have a favorite band that I listen to a ton of and see frequently live but I would definitely not say any of that about them.
Agreed, it sounds like its to the point of putting Taylor swift on some kind of pedestal like she cant be criticized at all either for her music, personality, actions, or etc. Everybody has the right to their opinions and nobody is above criticism even people you really like. A lot of people really love swift and a lot of people really dislike her. So instead of just raging bc someone had an opinion you dont like, this is literally an opportunity to have a discussion about it. Im sure you have valid points for why shes a great person/musician and im sure they have valid points for why shes not.
I love Taylor Swift a lot, and I totally get why you’d be frustrated, however I do think you missed your moment to. Reaching out afterwards and making a big deal would be the AH move.
I think if you go back to the book club, and if it happens again, you can just redirect the conversation more firmly. Like turn it back to the album discussion at hand. And if that doesn’t work, maybe take the library staff member aside after and ask if they can help keep the group more positivity focused and less mean spirited.
Soft YWBTA.
A lot of people have these strong feelings about music, sports, literature, films, politicians, religion, and why not. Part of being an adult is to learn how to deal with people talking shit about things you love. You seem to be on the way as you went through your feelings and remain polite. Take this as a learning.
YWBTA if you do. I understand that you got really triggered, but you’ll need to learn to listen to peoples opinions which differ from yours sometimes, especially in this world where everyone is polarised. I am not asking you to go out of your way to fit in with them either, if they continue to trash talk this way, you need to make a decision if this is important enough to continue going to. But feeling this strongly for an artist who has no personal connection to you is something of a red flag as well. You will need to sit down and think about why you think Taylor swifts music is “ has become more than music to me, it’s become a part of who I am. It’s in my blood, my DNA, my soul, my personality, it’s everything to me“
Honestly, I hope you have more personally than some artists music.
You definitely would be the asshole.
You need to chill, babes.
It’s not that deep. Like, seriously, I have strong opinions on many things (arguably more important than Taylor Swift) and if people have opinions I don’t agree with, I move on with my life.
I am curious to your age, but seriously, I would highly suggest expanding your world.
“her music has become more than music to me, it’s become a part of who I am. It’s in my blood, my DNA, my soul, my personality, it’s everything to me”
“When the comments started happening, my face turned hot and I almost walked out with anger”
YTA and may need to take a step back, and not just from book club. A disagreement over a singer shouldn’t make you THAT angry and your intense feelings over Swift’s music is bordering on obsessive.
YWBTA
Your opportunity to re-direct the conversation was then and there – and maybe a more direct, “Anyway, let’s talk about the album in question or something more positive” would work better. Or even pipe up at the time with a “Actually, I really love her music and here’s why…” – though that leaves you open to potential arguments.
Also, do they do this to other things but you don’t care about those things so they don’t bother you?
I get that this is really important to you but, honestly, you’re a little over the top here. People are allowed to have differing opinions about music. Their not liking Taylor Swift ≠ them not liking you or personally attacking you. Your anger reaction at the time, and the sustained anger after, are not normal.
YTA – The book club is really close and you’re not so it would really weird of you to tell me what they can and can’t talk about.
If you say “It’s in my blood, my DNA, my soul, my personality…” about her and the group finds her to be problematic, then this is not the right group for you.
YTA. People are allowed to have their opinions about musicians, even your favorite. Trying to silence them from voicing their opinions in a setting meant for doing exactly that would be incredibly unacceptable.
Your reaction to someone else and their work being criticized was not healthy, and it’s because your feelings about that woman and her music are not healthy. Your personality needs to be centered around you, not Taylor Swift. You’ve chosen to make your life all about her instead of developing yourself, and that can’t last. You need to become your own person, and you might need assistance in doing that, but you need to work on it now rather than waiting.
YWBTA. You’re over the top obsessed with Taylor. I love her and am a fan of her music but it seems like you have a deep parasocial relationship with her and that’s not healthy. Someone you don’t know shouldn’t control your emotions as much as Taylor does. People’s opinion will always vary and you need to accept everyone will have separate opinions than you.