I (27F) met a guy from an app (33M), we shall call him, Ace, who lives in a different country, but somewhat still near to mine. Met him when I was single, but realized that I did not like him that way and decided to just be friends, which he also agreed upon. He had plans to come to my country as a pit stop before flying off to another and we even vaguely said we should meet for a short dinner and what not because coincidentally it will be on my birthday week. I was okay with it, and also partly didn’t think we would pull through with it.
Fast forward just a few months later, I am now in an exclusive LDR relationship with someone else which Ace knew about.
Regarding the trip, Ace texted and had planned to bring a lot of things for me, but I didn’t feel comfortable making him carry those on the flight so I told him that he doesn’t have to.
And then he proceeded to talk about plans of giving me a good dinner since it’s my birthday and he even wanted to bring alcohol from his place to mine. I said that I was fine if it’s just a short cafe run, but he kept insisting. He spoke about how he will be spending more than 100+ just on dinner alone and want to make sure that I will have the best time. I got a little bit uncomfortable with how big he wanted this to be because;
\#1 we never met before
\#2 we don’t really chat everyday, only like once a week and it’s usually him starting the convo and me being polite
but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because I do like free food… I told Ace I will have to let my partner (27M) know first because I don’t want to jeopardize his trust.
I informed my partner about him and showed him our texts, and he politely told me that he feels that the intentions were not innocent, therefore it will be a bad idea for me to meet up with Ace. Apparently from the text messages, I had failed to realize that Ace wanted me to hide it from him and just meet so no questions would be asked, and also not to mention that alcohol would be involved. So finally, I told him that we shouldn’t meet.
And all he replied was with "K" and I apologized, but he got really angsty and cold with me. I don’t know if I was the one being an asshole because I am in the spectrum, I usually fail to see things as how it is. Also, english isn’t my first language and I refuse to use AI to fix my grammar so, apologies.
NTA. And him getting mad that you aren’t meeting confirms that his intentions were not pure.
NTA. Anyone who wants you to hide a meet up from your partner is not being honest. You don’t owe him anything- I wonder if he presumes you’d “owe” him sex after making so much effort for this meal. I wouldn’t trust his intentions.
Ugh.. I think you’re right. He did show me the hotel he will be staying in and it was too fancy.. too big for just him alone. I may have encountered a “nice guy”. But oh wells, I’ve blocked him, so life is peaceful again
NTA but why don’t you try to meet someone local? For all you know Ace is a 60 year old axe murderer.
Hahah! I usually vet someone thoroughly to confirm they are who they are, but of course, I could never gauge someone’s inner intentions either way.
As for locals(I’m in Asia), I am not attracted to guys here and it’s really hard for me to build a connection due to knowledge differences. I’m sort of western-washed because I grew up with many foreign online friends.
Nta. I think for safety reasons, this is a good thing.
NTA, block and delete. And don’t let someone I assume half way around the world tell you what to do either .