So my (39m) mother’s birthday is Saturday and today for Thanksgiving she decided not only to not show up but call the rest of the family and insist everyone come to her place. Tradition is that I host every year. It is and has always been my favorite holiday. She says because my daughter has the sniffles (by no means sick and we even took her to see a doctor to make sure) no one should be “allowed” to attend. So I cooked my usual 16 dishes (everything scratch down to the bread) and no one showed. When I called and asked she compared my daughter to Typhoid Mary (source of past fights) and went into a diatribe about how I’m forcing the divide in the family making them pick between their mother and I. Add in a little guilt from the years I cut off communication entirely about 7 of the last 21 years and you’d have the wonderful evening.
So I have a ton of food which will go to waste. Because of where I live, donating isn’t an option. I feel like shit because I’ve been abandoned by family, and my kids are wondering why their grandparents didn’t want to see them.
Minor backstory on relationship, I’ve been working on forgiving my parents for my childhood. Not because they deserve to be forgiven for the level of violence experienced but I deserve to not bear the weight of the negative emotions. They’d never admit any type of fault for anything.
So is turnabout fair play? Do I return the gift and skip or attend her special day and pretend like nothing happened? (Fully expect her to pretend to be the savior of the family for rushing to save the day).
Oh hell no, NTA. I mean, your daughter will “still” probably be “contagious,” so you would be doing your mom a favor if you skip!
Good luck getting through your past trauma, and sorry for all of your hard work with the meal today.
Second this. Are there neighbors you can give some frozen leftovers to? “Oh, why didn’t you come? Daughter is still Typhoid Mary, didn’t you hear?”
Freeze what you can of the leftovers and go and have fun with your daughter. You already know what you need to do and it’s okay. You can do it. You’re choosing yourself and your family.