My (25f) sister (29f) and dad have been using my car for the past 4 months. The only reason they got my car in the first place was because I had a stroke and was in the hospital for a month. I allowed them to keep it during my recovery because I was not able to use it, so why not let them rather than the car sit? Besides they were taking my (2) kids back and forth to daycare. (i have since recovered extremely well and have been cleared by doctors to drive)
A little background context:
My sister does not have her license and does not drive. Our dad lives with her and my nephew and he drives her around. As the title hinted, neither have a car of their own. My dad doesn’t really play a big part in this, he’s a neutral party. My sister has always relied on other people to take her places; work, the store, appointments, etc. Originally relying on our mom primarily up until \*finally\* got my car earlier this year.
Before they ended up with my car, my mom and I would share the task of playing chauffeur. My mom has a lot on her plate and she shouldn’t have to be driving around her almost 30 y.o. daughter that has no excuse for not having a license or car. Plus, my mom lives on the other side of town and my sister lives on my street so i decided to take on more of the ‘responsibility’ to help my mom out.
Now that I’ve rambled- I am finally going back to work this week so I will need my car. My sister would still need rides to work and to daycare (our kids go to the same daycare). After going through such a traumatic event, I’m really re-thinking helping her so much. I feel like at this point its almost "enabling" for lack of a better term idk. ‘She has my car/me to drive her around so she doesn’t need to worry about her license or a car.’
I don’t want to have to be dropped off at work unable to keep my own car because my sister has to go work. Then have to call and wait to be picked up in my own car after my shift. I don’t want to have to keep rearranging my day to drive my sister around.
I don’t mind helping family, but she has always taken advantage of the help she gets from me and/or our mom, no matter the kind of help. She acts like a spoiled brat a lot of the time but we were certainly not raised that way.
So, WIBTAH?
You would not be the AH to take back the car you own and need.
NTA. Take back the car. Sounds like it isn’t much trouble to take her child to and from daycare, you can agree to do that. Use your recovery as an excuse to stop being her chauffeur. “I tire easily, and work takes a lot of energy. I just don’t have the energy right now to drive you everywhere.” Uber exists for people like your sister.
NTA at some point a nearly 30yo woman with kids (where is the father in this?) needs to take care of herself. Plus as your kids (same question here) get older the logistics will skyrocket.
NTA
The car is yours, it was only ever a temporary loan while you recovered, simple as that.
Why wouldn’t you take it back? Do they expect you to be buying yourself a new car instead?
YWNBTA. It’s your car. “Enabling” is exactly the right term. Your sister needs to achieve more independence and learn to stand on her own two feet. I appreciate how you’re trying to help your mom, but this is not the way. Expect some static from sis, and quite possibly from your parents, but stand firm.
It’s time for her to grow up or use uber or lift.
NTA it’s your car, you get to decide who uses it. Your sister needs to start working towards independent transportation. It’s wild for a parent to not be able to drive in this day and age. At least she should be taking public transport and not just relying solely on others.
Tell her she needs to a DL and a car, or look into Uber, public transportation or seeing if she make an arrangement with a coworker
No matter the answer to my question, you are still NTA but, why doesn’t she have her license or drive? My partner has neither but that was due to issues as a teen and now due to health reasons being unsure about being safe to drive.
NTA
“I need to use my car for transportation again. After my stroke, I’ve realized I need to reduce stress for my health so while I’m happy to do x for you, I can no longer do XYZ so you’ll need to make other arrangements for that.”
NTA
Go get your car today. Your family had four months to figure out their transportation needs. You don’t owe it to your sister to give her rides.