I have a mid sized family. All of us as kids are grown and we started doing a secret Santa between siblings so we could cut down on spending money. (We all have jobs and can buy what we want.) For this secret Santa we have a limit of $75.
We use an app called Elfster to randomly assign giver and recipient. On the app you can add a list of items you would like. My brother’s list of amounts to $75 exactly. I kind of already have gifts for him in mind and do not plan on getting him anything on the list he sent out.
Would I be the asshole if I didn’t get him anything on his list?
Doesn’t sound like he’s broken the rules of the Secret Santa. And if I’ve read this right, you’ve not already bought what you had in mind.
So I think I’m gonna have to say you might be in the wrong here. If he’s asked for stuff, and it’s within budget? Just go with that. Least stressful option going forward.
What’s the point of taking lists if you’re only going to ignore them?
Unless you’ve discussed it and everyone has agreed that going off-list is acceptable, *stick to the list.*
YTA.
The list is to help give **ideas** of what to give.
If the expectation is to get what’s on the list and nothing else then you might as well just have everyone give each other $75 in cash.
YWBTA. Get him what he wants; the point of giving the gift is to make him happy. Save the other things for his birthday.
You would have to be very confident that whatever you had in mind is a better gift that he would like more than the list he made .
You agreed to do the secret santa thing. Maybe you should request to opt out next year if it’s turning out to be more of a hinderance for you than an aid. Leaning YWBTA
Put your attitude on a shelf, OP, and stick to the list.
Your brother appears to be staying in the rules you’ve all set; even if I would include a less expensive item or three on my list to ensure varying budgets could be accommodated, it doesn’t seem your family group has identified that as a need (‘we have jobs and can buy what we want…”)
Or, you can choose not to participate at all in the future, because you’re chuffed that someone chose all their listed gifts at the top end of the dollar value. And you’ll look like an ass, because you all know you all can afford it.
YWBTA
Ask him. Just ask if he wants list only or if he’s chill with you having your own idea. Then do whichever he chooses. You’re family, talk.
YWBTA – You are completely defeating the point of elfster. Why even use it if you’re just going to ignore what he wants and just get him what you think he wants?
I feel like this is a low-key ad for that app, wrapped in a Christmas conflict.
YTA
Yeah, this smells like an ad.
YTA.
The whole point of Secret Santa + wishlists is making sure people get something they want. If you ignore his list, he might end up disappointed.If your idea is something he’ll genuinely like, cool. If it’s random, then yeah, that’s kinda asshole-ish.
YTA. It sounds like you’re trying to cheap out and not spend the full $75. (“My brother’s list of amounts to $75 exactly”). If you weren’t comfortable spending that amount you should have said something before names were drawn.
YTA, kinda. If your family exchanges lists why did you buy things that weren’t on the list? If your brother doesn’t like his gifts are you going to be angry at him? Because he literally told you what he wanted and you ignored him. It’s almost like you have the attitude that you know better than he does. If you were asked what you want for Christmas and you said a blue t-shirt, but then you received red pants wouldn’t you be a little disappointed?