My husband and I recently went out of town for about a week and arranged to have our friend watch our dogs (meaning sleep at our house) for the first half of the week, and my brother for the second half.
I found out after the fact that he brought over a girl he’s been on a few dates with. I would already be uncomfortable with a stranger in my home while I’m not there period (especially without asking me), but more so I got upset when I got home and found her earrings on my dresser, meaning they likely had sex in my bed AND she may have spent the night. He also likely did not change the sheets before my brother took over since I never told him the laundry room door code.
To make it all worse – one of my dogs is very reactive and apparently bit this girl, no idea how hard. My friend brought this up when I asked how the dogs behaved, and seemed like he wanted me to feel guilty about this.
I didn’t say anything at the time (last week), but it’s still on my mind. I’m wondering if I should just let this go since it’s over and unlikely to ever happen again, or if I would be out of line for telling him it was inappropriate. This friend is extremely sexually open and has minimal boundaries in general, so I’m also sure he would tell me I’m overreacting. He also would not let us pay him and I don’t want to seem ungrateful for him staying at all.
TIA!
NTA at all. Who even does that?
NTA – it’s reasonable to not want someone in your house without your knowledge or permission
NTA.
If he has minimal boundaries, I think you can keep it light hearted but direct – like, “dude, you know I support you, but having women in my bed is where I draw the line. Today it’s earrings, what is it next time?”
NTA
NTA. It’s bare minimum courtesy to ask the owner of the house before you bring guests if you’re sitting, *especially* if there’s a reactive animal involved. I would’ve said something right away, but since that’s past I definitely would if it comes up in conversation again that you won’t be asking him to house sit again since bringing a guest (let alone into your bed!) without permission was not appropriate.
NTA, but if you know your friend won’t care about your opinion on his sex life, maybe make it about the safety of your dog. He brought a stranger into your house, knowing you have a reactive dog, and allowed that person to get hurt. Never mind having sex with someone in your bed, this could have gone seriously wrong.
Nta I don’t care why they are there. No one else is allowed into my house just because you are. The sex part is just rude, but the other is also a safety concern. I don’t want someone i don’t know, hell that they barely know, casing out everything in my house & its layout. Way too many shitty people.
Personally the sex part in this case would piss me off and gross me out, but you won’t be able to convince the dude about that. Dudes are gross, not all but—letting anyone else in your home does make you more vulnerable.
Dude is buying me a new bed.
NTA. I’ve been house and pet sitting for over 10 years. I’ve always asked before having any visitors.
If it were me, I’d simply never ask them to house sit again. They are not capable of acting in your best interests, and their job is to act in your best interest.
NTA I wouldn’t even make it about the sex part, it’s completely unacceptable to invite someone over to a place you’re dog-sitting at without asking the owner first
NTA, but you should set boundaries next time if ever needed again.
I pet and house sit, and I always ask if my partner can come by for a bit. I emphasize that we’ll likely just be watching tv or eating, and that they are not spending the night. And, I only ask if it’s a special occasion like a holiday or a birthday. I can handle not seeing my partner for several days, generally.
NTA
If there had been a guest bed, he would have asked to have company, and washed the sheets I may be ruling differently. If they aren’t in your bed and are sanitary then their sex life is none of your business. However, it’s in your bed, he didn’t clean up and he didn’t ask to have company.
No, You WNBTA.
I cat and dog sit for friends and clients. I would never dream of having someone over without their permission.
Whether I’m doing it for free or being paid.
Tbh, I wouldnt call that person a fri3nd if they did it to me.