I (30F) have felt like the odd child out since my dad started dating my step mother. They have been together since I was about 10-ish. I have 2 younger step sisters, and an older sister. My older sister did not live my dad and stepmom, but I would have to go back and forth between my moms and my dads until I hit college. I’m not going to lie, growing up in that household was extremely toxic and at time very unsafe. The police definitely should have been called a few times. So growing up in this environment, I learned to stay quiet and stay out of trouble. I would be called the “good child” a lot when in reality it was just a survival tactic. From this survival tactic, I was scared to ever speak my mind or ever really be myself. I would get called out and yelled at if I did anything “out of the norm” or what they wanted me to be. To this dad I still tell my dad that I do not feel comfortable to be 100% myself around them. This also stunted me from coming out as pansexual until after I graduated college. My mother didn’t care, but it took my dad and step mom some time. Which is wild because they both have sisters who are lesbians. Even until about 10 months ago when I told my step mom I started dating my current gf and she said “no OP it’s supposed to be a boy.” She chalks that up to being drunk that night but in my opinion, drunk words are just sober thoughts. So let’s get to the title of the story. Since I was young I can remember at least 4 times on birthday cards where my dad or stepmom mom had misspelled my first name. My first name isn’t super unique, you probably know or have met a few women with my name. However it is one of those names where there are many ways to spell it. Think like a Kaylee, Jocelyn, or Arianna. I’ve never met someone in person with the same spelling as me, but I do they exist. My older sister’s name is the same way. my step sisters also have unique names where there are many ways to spell them, but I can’t even remember a time that their names were misspelled. This last Christmas I got a Christmas card where my name was misspelled again. I would usually call it out and be like “wow you misspelled it again” a they would do a half assed apology and brush it off like it was nothing. My step mom has a very particular penmanship, so I can tell she wrote it. But they have both done it enough I can’t just blame it all on her. I usually throw the cards away because it was cause pain to see it, but I decided to keep it. And after looking at it over and over again, I thought that maybe I should start doing the same thing to them. If they cannot give me the respect to correctly spell their own child’s name correctly, then why should I? I mean seriously, it’s not like the accidentally called out the wrong kids name or I changed my name legally. They both have had 20-30 years to get it right. It’s also not like they can go onto my social medias to double check.
So WIBTAH to start misspelling their names?
Nta. Some people need a dose of their own medicine
Honestly that would be pointless and childish. They won’t care. You’re a 30 year old thinking about childish retaliation. Misspelling their names doesn’t make to for all the trauma they have caused you. Talk to a professional and decide how much if any contact you should have with them going forward.
While you’re not wrong, it is pointless and childish, being a little petty won’t hurt her. And they may not notice or care, but I don’t think that is the point. Sometimes you need to get that energy out, and frankly, misspelling a name on a card seems like the most harmless way to do it.
even easier, just stop sending them cards NTA
NTA
As a person whose own mother misspelled my name on her previous wedding invite I can relate. They suck and you should find what little joy you can. If it means giving them a dose of their own medicine go for it. But don’t expect anything to change. People like the ones you described will never be self aware or fair. They’re always going to suck.
I would actually go a step further and buy them the wrong cards too.. but I’m a petty person. 🤷♀️
How about not doing tit for tat. I understand how you feel, I have a very unique first name. People misspell it all the time.
But there’s a more subtle way to approach this. Next time you get handed a card or gift with the wrong spelling, just refuse the gift.
It’s that simple. Get some therapy. Your dad & stepmother sound like losers
Are they dyslexic?
As a public defender, I once represented a crack addict with a bunch of kids, some or all of whom were adults. I asked her for their names and info to have a point of contact outside the jail. She told me a name I didn’t understand, so I asked her how to spell it. She stuttered a bit and then said “I don’t even know.” 😳
NTA
My husband’s name has a few common nicknames, but he goes by an uncommon one. Not his actual name but imagine his name was Phillip and he went by either Phillip or Pip, but never ever by Phil. Slightly complicating things, he had a different nickname given to him in college, where I met him. It’s not related to his real name at all, we’ll say ‘Brian.’ So I call him Brian and his family calls him Pip, and sometimes Phillip.
My parents would not stop calling him Phil. I’d talk on the phone and they’d ask how is Phil. “You mean Brian? Or Pip? Or Phillip?” And they’d just wave it off. Then they told my whole extended family his name is Phil. He’s pretty easy going so he just kind of shrugged it off.
Finally one year at Christmas I put slightly wrong names on all the presents. When my mom asked me why I said I thought that’s what we’re doing now. “What do you mean?” “Well, you can’t stop calling Bryan Phil, so…” “That’s his name!” She said to me, his wife. He finally spoke up and said what I’d been saying for years. “No. No one calls me that. It’s either Pip, Phillip, or Brian, but never Phil.”
Hearing it from him I guess made it true. My parents don’t get it wrong anymore. My whole extended family does, though.
I doubt that misspelling their names will change anything, but I get the motivation to do it. Perhaps you could get your Dad and his wife a framed picture of you with your name on it and tell them it’s a reminder, since they seem to have so much trouble. Do that every year for Christmas until they start getting it right.
NTA I believe in enforcing a single standard, because then everyone has to live by the same standard whether it’s good or bad. This motivates the other side to make it a good one. The opposite is true if they never suffer what they inflict. This isn’t about revenge or being childish. It’s about having a self-righting system in place.
This way you can tell them that you won’t be upset about this issue anymore either way, but there is only a single standard from now on, and they decide the standard, so you don’t want to hear any whining from them about you misspelling their names if they continue to misspell yours. And there is no “but it’s different” — because it isn’t.
NTA
But I’d buy them rather happy 70th birthday cards for their 50th birthday… as they seem to be too old to be able to remember your name correctly.
Honestly I think rather than be petty about names you should just limit or end your contact with them
When they question why you can say “well you can’t even spell my name correctly so clearly I’m not an important part of your life.”
You are not required to maintain relationships with people just because you are related (or related by marriage)