I (F22) live with my roommate Dee (F21), and we get along well. I also have a boyfriend (M30), and I spend about four nights a week sleeping at his place. Because of that, I’m not home very often, usually only for my classes, dance practice, or football practice.
Dee’s boyfriend technically has his own place, but he stays with us because they prefer to live together. He pays part of the electricity and water bills, but otherwise mostly stays in their room when I’m home.
I keep my meals very simple, usually ordered food or something quick from the microwave. If I use a dish, I wash it right away or keep it in my room until I do (never more than one or two items). Dee likes to cook more elaborate meals and uses a lot of pots and dishes, which often pile up in the sink.
There’s also a small bathroom trash can that I never use. Any waste I have goes in the toilet, but Dee and her boyfriend throw toilet paper in the trash. Bathroom trash grosses me out, so I avoid it and don’t change the bag, but I’ve never ever put anything in it.
We’re both busy (I’m in med school and she’s in dental school), but sometimes I feel like she expects me to help with the dishes even though none of them are mine. I know being a roommate is being a part of the team but her and her boyfriend’s dishes pile up super quickly. I’m also a bit of a germaphobe, so I don’t like touching dirty dishes even with gloves on because the dirty water splashes back at me. (When I wash mine I take a hot shower afterwards) .
On top of that, I injured my finger badly at football practice two weeks ago and can barely move it without pain, which makes helping even harder.
WIBTA if I didn’t regularly do the dishes or change the trash bag?
NTA why is her boyfriend not helping her and most importantly, not paying rent?!
He believes it’s a woman’s job to wash the dishes last time I asked her. But in her defense she does try to get him to help. As for the rent, I never really minded enough to ask for it and I’m just glad she gets to spend more time with her boyfriend this way.
Woman’s job? Seriously? And your roommate is okay with these kinds of opinions?
They’re Turkish and told me it’s part of their culture even if she doesn’t agree with them. Obviously I don’t agree at all and hate that narrative.
NTAH I don’t think it’s fair for you to do extra cleaning if you’re not the one causing the mess
I really hope you’re not flushing menstrual products down the toilet.
Of course not, I put any menstrual products in a small plastic bag and dispose of them outside in a large garbage can. I go in and out of the apartment around 15 times a day because I can’t stay still :))
NTA – Talk to your roommate. Tell her since you don’t eat there very much, you’d prefer it if you both just clean up your own messes. That gets you out of the kitchen duties. As far as emptying the bathroom trash, that’s a little trickier. Because it’s hard to prove you never put anything in the trash. You might just have to suck it up and deal with that one. Or get two trash cans, one for you, and one for her and her boyfriend. And each empty your own.
NTA
It sounds like you need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation with her.
I can understand her wanting you to do a proportion of shared chores (like vacuuming), but not cleaning dishes that you didn’t dirty.
Explain it to her as you’ve done here. She should be looking at her boyfriend for help. You should continue to pick up after yourself.
ESH – Y’all need to come up with a plan to tackle the chores with the current situation.
Your excuse ‘I’m always at the bf place’ or being busy does not fly. It’s still your place. Chores still have to be done.
I just don’t get why rent if you’re constantly away at another place. This right here is what’s getting you into this situation.
Of course I do other chores like mopping the floor or cleaning the bathroom, but those happen less than dirty dishes. As in I do those once a week, whereas there are 15+ dirty dishes in the sink every day.
Was this comment meant for a different post, because it’s a pretty bad mis-match.
NTA. She or her boyfriend needs to clean their own dishes. That’s a shared chore for partners, not roommates.
As long as you’re cleaning your own mess and doing your part in the real shared chores (garbage, vacuum, etc) you’re doing enough.
When I had roommates I would never wash their dishes. If they were in the way of me doing my own, I’d stack and move them elsewhere.