hi! I have these friends, E, and E’s girlfriend, A.
2 weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend.
E has been a big support to me throughout this. We’ve consider each other family. He is also close with my brother and parents and stayed at our house when his parents kicked him out.
I am also friends with his girlfriend, A. We’ve been friends for 2 years and I asked her to spend the night when I broke up with my boyfriend because it was a rough time for me. I had gotten drunk that night, and was just not in a great place mentally. She texted me that she was on her way (she sent this in a groupchat with both herself and E), and I responded with a voice message basically saying I was excited to see her and stuff. I then ended up sending a second voice message basically saying I love the two of them and I’m grateful I have their support because its been a rough time for me and stuff, blah blah blah.
E texts me privately and asks if i’m drunk. I say yes, because I was. He then texts me, "I dont care if youre drinking or even if A decides to drink. If soemthing bad happens to her because of alcohol, Im blaming you and I will never forgive you."
I don’t keep alc at my house because of addiction issues that run in my family. I was out drinking with some other people earlier and ubered home. I respond saying I don’t keep any alc in my house and I will make sure A is safe and stuff. I say that its’ jsut been kind of rough for me and I’m sorry if my drinking made either of them uncomfortable at all.
He responds; "just because you dont keep alc in your house doesnt make you a fucking saint. a breakup is hardly a rough time and if it makes you turn back to addicitions, then you have a weak mind. You have everything in life set up for you, you don’t even know what a rough time is. I have been through 10x worse than you, grow up."
I respond to this telling him to go fuck himself.
A arrives at my house, we watch a movie and go to sleep and all is fine. She leaves the next morning, and i text E that she left and I made sure she had breakfast before she left as well. I send him a small apology too, basically saying "hey, i’m sorry if I was being kind of short with you last night. I understand my tone may have come off rude, but also you were kind of out of line to be speaking to me the way you did, espeically since you know I’ve been having a rough year mental health wise" (i’ve had severe depression+anxiety my whole life, and was almost hospitalized for my MH this year).
He never responded. Idk what to do because I care about him, but idk if I’m overeacting or not. aita?
This all really depends on what your “addiction issues” were.
Personally strugglign with drinking for some time but not being physically addicted? NTA
Having a history of going blackout drunk and hurting people around you? YTA
The question really is whether he was justified with his caution about your drinking
i dont have a history of being out of control/blacking out/doing evil things when drunk. i mostly just kind of use alcohol to disassociate from life when it gets hard, which i know isnt great, and its something im actively working through in therapy. but ive never like hurt anyone due to my drinking or been very irresponsible with it, even tho im aware i have a bit of a problem with why i use substances
If you do not have a history of lashing out against friends, dangerous behavior or anything like that, definitely NTA. Then it seems more like that friend has some opinions about you that he did not share.
Your second sentence is self-contradictory. Care to rephrase?.
Sounds like op is saying they haven’t done anything harmful while intoxicated ,but knows they are drinking for the wrong reason . Which makes sense.
What I am saying is that my judgement depdends on how OP conducted himself when he was drunk. If he had a drinking issue that was mostly about them drinking alone when they are sad, i don’t think it is fair to talk to them the way their friend did. If they have a history of getting blackout drunk and doing things like driving, lashing out against friends or other dangerous behavior, his reaction is justified.
NTA. Anyone who sees a friend struggling to cope with a difficult event and says “i have been through worse” is not a good friend.
His initial concern was not the worst thing ever, although I would find it weird to have a friend imply that I would put someone in danger because I had had a few drinks. You reassured him, and then he responded like a complete tool.
Unless you have a specific history of getting wasted and hurting people, he is being completely nasty.
NTA: He was out of line. Just because he feels he has had a more difficult life than you doesn’t mean he knows what’s going on in your head. Everyone has different problems and just because he has struggles too doesn’t make your’s any less difficult for you.
The part about having a “weak mind” sounds like some “alpha male”/Andrew Tate-esc bullshit too. Just because you got broken up with, went out to drink/have a good time because you’re sad, and you got drunk doesn’t mean you have a “weak mind”. Lots of people do this, societally its also kind of the go to thing to do in this situation (whether that’s a good thing about our society or not is another thing all together and doesn’t really matter in this case).
Lastly, the part about keeping A safe makes me think there might be something around the alcohol here or previous addiction (which is your right to share or not). However, even if you are an addict and E was concerned about that doesn’t mean he gets to speak to you this way. 1. Its not going to stop you from turning to alcohol (it might even push you into it). 2. A is an adult (hopefully, the context of you post), so she can take care of herself and make her own choices around her own safety. 3. Even if E did have safety concerns there’s a lot better ways to go about all of that rather than accusing, essentially threatening you, and downplay your personal struggles.
Again, overall, NTA. E was out of line and at the very least owes you an apology.
Yeah, the tone around protecting A was weird. Dude gives me controlling vibes
He sounds like an asshole. I wouldn’t worry about it.
If you needed people around you why not the people you got drunk with? Just saying when you send a drunk message and people drop everything to come over it’s not a good sign. A was provably worried about you.
He sounds like the A H but the mention of addiction and keeping his GF safe make me think there’s a lot more background to this that you’re not telling us.
> you don’t even know what a rough time is. I have been through 10x worse than you, grow up.
NTA because of this alone. Anyone who plays this card is automatically an asshole.