Was out with my girlfriend today visiting family for the weekend and she brought up one of her mates party we’d been invited to last month and was asking if I was still planning to come with her. I told her yes and she proceeds to tell me you probably wouldn’t want to. I prod as to why and she states someone is going who she had slept with in the past however all communications with them has been stopped since.
I didn’t really think anything of it, the past is the past and what matters to me is what you do now. I say to her that it’s fine it doesn’t bother me and I’ll still come with her. I then ask out of curiosity who the person is just so I’m aware when we’re there. However this is what really alarmed me, she turns around and says I’m not telling you, it’s not something you need to know. I argued with her explaining that it’s out of respect for me to know the person she slept with as I’m going to be there with them.
Despite this she still refuses and proceeds to say oh whilst you’re at it do you want have a timeline of everyone I’ve slept with including their names. I obviously say no as that isn’t what I was asking for in the slightest.
A groupchat had been made for everyone invited to this party so I ask my gf who it was in the groupchat. She then tells me that person isn’t on the groupchat for whatever reason. At this point I feel like she is lying through her teeth to be blunt and has something to hide.
After that I stopped pursuing it as my mum had made us dinner because we were visiting the weekend and went to go eat where she proceeds to tell me she is poorly and doesn’t want to eat. She wasn’t poorly at all and I felt very angry and disrespected that my mum had made the time to make us dinner and she wanted to lie about it, and after all that my mum would not stop checking up to make sure she was okay. I didn’t want to make my gf feel out of place in my home so I went with what she said. I come back upstairs and she’s crying and calling me a psycho.
Fast forward a few hours, she tells me her friend doesn’t want me at this party anymore because I’m going to cause drama and it’s her day not mine. Which I turn around and say I never had a problem with the guy she’s slept with being there, I only had a problem with her hiding who it is from me.
Surely if a guy that you’ve been with before is there you’d want me there to show off your bf and not immediately try and get me to not come? The thing is even if she’s not done anything inherently wrong, why are you lying to me and hiding something from me? I’ve never asked who the people she’s slept with before are, but I thought as I would be meeting this person it’s appropriate? Something tells me they are in fact still talking whether it’s platonic or not and she’s been caught out in a lie and trying to gaslight her way out of it.
I know it sounds like a pretty bone question, but would any of you feel as if you should break up as well?
tldr; gf hiding the identity of someone she’s slept with despite us going to a party where they will be at together. Proceeds to gaslight me into saying I’m crazy and I’m now uninvited.
Edit: Thank you everyone for all the replies already I appreciate your honesty and support. For those calling me insecure and what not, we’re both in the military which in itself requires a lot of trust especially after spending time away from each other and the majority of her mates also being lads. Never been a problem for me and never had any issues before until this point. Did also see one comment about me denying her food which gave me a laugh but sure😂
But anyway, I’ve never pried into her past before and she has spoken about her past partners without me asking. It’s never bothered me however I do believe it’s basic respect to know who this person is that she has slept with as she brought it up and to avoid any awkwardness, I don’t think a simple question is that much of a ask. If she had told me right then and there I wouldn’t have even thought twice about it.
For those of you talking about this friend of hers supporting her, some context on the kind of person she is might be useful. She also has a bf but had been deployed to Cyprus for a few months. Decided to break up with her bf, slept with the whole island from what my gf told me, then came back and got back with her bf. And the bf is still completely unaware of the truth supposedly.
To also clear up about the groupchat. I hadn’t put a message in the groupchat itself. I just asked my gf personally who the person was as I assumed he’d be in there due to it being made of people invited to this party, to which she answers that he’s not in there for some reason.
Whether or not she has done anything wrong in terms of her intentions or if she’s still communicating with this bloke is beyond me, withdrawing such a simple question after telling me someone’s there she has slept with has put me way off and not something I want in a relationship. Anyway sorry for the massive spiel again I’m going to sleep on it but I’m pretty sure I already know what I’m going to do. Cheers guys
I
Think the same
Thing you are thinking.
You’re suddenly not welcome by her friend because you simply wanted to know the person shat she had some type of intimate relationship with.
So now you don’t go and what? She gets to spend time with this ex and simply come back to her life with you?
If you’re no longer welcome, I would end it personally.
You’re right, you sound very grounded. Not weird or jealous. Just wanting to know when you meet then who they are. Whit h she brought up, not you.
Makes me wonder if someone has threatened to tell something if you are there.
She shouldn’t have told her friend that you and she were discussing it. That sort of stuff should stay between you two.
Tell her it’s her decision whether to take you to the party and/or tell you stuff, but that you’re going to pass on going if she’s going to bring you into a room with a dude she has history with without warning you fully.
Then if she goes anyway, I would break up.
I’m with you on this one.
I’d feel awkward at the party not knowing who it was, especially if everyone around me knew.
And I’d feel bad putting my bf in that that awkward position.
So the only way the friend would know and uninvited you is if your girlfriend told the friend about what happened between you both. That wouldn’t be something I wanted spread outside of my girlfriend.
She didn’t lie to you about it, but it does seem they are throwing up roadblocks for you not to attend the party, which would bother me. It would be awkward if you went and everyone else knew at the party they slept together and you didn’t know.
You are young and basically just starting a relationship, but I’m not sure how much more time I would put into this. Depends on how other aspects of your relationship are going.
“but would any of you feel as if you should break up as well?” – Yes.
I would definitely end it over this, this sounds very immature and she’s clearly playing games here. You don’t want that, trust me.
It sounds very sketchy that she not only had to tell you that it was someone she slept with, but also emphasize two things, namely: She telling you that it would be better to not go. AND her saying they stopped talking. That sounds like a big waving red flag.
It’s only been five months, cut it off and move on.
Just dump her. She’s not worth the drama and she’s not ready for a committed relationship.
If she wasn’t going to tell you who it is, why did she even bother to mention it at all? She’s weird for that. She’s either lying about something, or she just loves drama. Either way, you’re only 5 months in. Consider if either of those things are something you want to continue dealing with.
This probably wont be the first weird and extremely uncomfortable situation she puts you through if you continue. Especially after saying you are no longer welcome it shows she values the thoughts and feelings of her friends more than you. Doesn’t make her a bad person but may not be what you want deal with for the rest of your life. Do with that what you will good luck dude!
Even if shes not talking to this ex fuck buddy or whatever, the way she went about this is fucked and I wouldn’t trust her to hold a door open, forget trusting her with your heart.
If shes fine treating you like this at only 5 months I’d say this isn’t worth the cost.
Yeah break up g. Whatchu mean, “you probably wouldn’t want to”? Why would I care about that shit unless yall acting differently than you’re putting on? Also, she then proceeds to tell the host (I’m also assuming lied about what was said/what your intent was) to get you uninvited? Sounds like she didn’t want you to come in the first place 🤷🏾♂️that’s grounds to drop her like a brick. If you don’t you gon find out the hard way and you’d be the only one to blame now that it’s in front of you
It’s a maturity thing. If your GF had any she’d know this isn’t a big deal and would’ve just given you a heads up and say who, just so you’d not be blindsided if the info came out by any other means.
What she’s actually done is deliberately create drama. She dropped in the info, escalated it into a fight, and then is dragging others into it.
I’ll be honest, 5 months in, yeah, I’d just break up. This was such a nothing situation but you can see that she thrives on drama. I just wouldn’t want a relationship like that.
“You probably would want to go”
My man she does not want you to go.
End it and move on.
If she’s not planning to cheat she’s childish as fuck.