My boyfriend is a really heavy snorer, he always has been. If he falls asleep first it takes me hours to fall asleep and it’s literally driving me insane. For the first year or so of our relationship I used to just suck it up and deal with it but it’s getting to the point now where it’s every single night, it’s really affecting my sleep and my life.
When it gets to that point in the night, I’ll politely ask “can you turn over?” cause if he’s facing away from me I can’t hear it as much. If that doesn’t work I’ll give him a light nudge or an elbow and I’ll wake him up to stop snoring because I can’t sleep. Sometimes he gets really angry at me for waking him up because “he has work in the morning” and tells me “if you wake me up again I’m going to sleep on the couch and I’m taking the quilt”.
I feel bad because I know he isn’t consciously doing it and he can’t help it but it literally makes me so mad when I’m getting no sleep and it’s affecting me the next day (I’m someone who really can’t function on low sleep). I have misophonia too so even the sound of breathing makes me really uncomfortable, so you can imagine how heavy snoring makes me feel.
FYI we live in a one bedroom apartment so we don’t have a spare bedroom, but I have done things to try and make it work. I’ve slept on the couch multiple times, I always put the TV on when I’m trying to sleep to try cancel out the noise but he tells me to turn it down, I’ve tried earplugs but then I don’t wake up to my alarms in the morning. Nose strips will not help him as he snores through his mouth. He snores no matter what position he’s in. I’ve told him he could go see a doctor about it but he doesn’t seem interested in doing that. I just don’t know what else to do. AITA?
NTA. I’m the snorer in my relationship, and I would want my loved one to give me a nudge so I could turn over (usually a change in position helps, anyway).
If you have halfway decent insurance, your boyfriend may be eligible for a sleep study and CPAP. The snoring may be legitimately affecting his health.
I would also suggest looking to upgrade your couch so you have alternative sleeping options. There’s no law that says couples have to sleep in the same bed. I’m a big advocate for separate blankets, separate beds, especially when one is a heavy snorer and the other is sensitive to sound.
My partner is the snorer. The CPAP helped immensely, so go that route for sure, BUT, if financially feasible, be sure he has a life insurance policy prior to a sleep study. My partner’s premiums more than doubled after the sleep apnea diagnosis.
NTA, is he is snoring to the point of keeping you awake for hours he NEEDS to go to the doctor. Snoring is very bad for your sleep and health, and his refusal to do anything about it is hurting both of you.