For context: I can cook. Just not the way my husband prefers. I cook for practicality. He cooks because food is art. We joke that I can’t cook, but in reality I can.
We just had our first baby a few months ago and my husband got called back into office after years of working from home. Two massive adjustments. My husband told me that I’ll have to start cooking dinners and I told him with time, as I had been struggling with my newborn.
Fast forward to now. I have a couple easy recipes that are quick, easy and tasty. They give us enough leftovers to last for days. The problem I have is that every single thing I make, my husband feels the need to critique. “I would do it this way”, “next time do this” – most of the time, they are preferences to his taste. They wouldn’t inherently make the dish better.
As someone who’s trying to learn how to balance everything and get more comfortable in the kitchen, it’s infuriating. I understand I’m not perfect, but waiting for the “it’s good, BUT” every time makes me not want to bother anymore.
So… WIBTA? Or am I overreacting?
ETA: I’ve brought up before how these comments are hurtful and discouraging when I’m just trying my best. Normally it stops for a bit, but eventually happens again. I don’t think this is malicious. I just think my husband is forgetful.
NTA
He who complains volunteers.
However before resorting to this, tell him how this makes you feel. He may think he is being helpful since cooking is a passion for him.
He who complains volunteers. Now I’ll be using that!
NTA. But your husband is. The only thing to say when someone has cooked a meal for you is thank you. If he is the great cook, he can take over the responsibility.
YWNBTA—you created an entire small human, and now you’re busy caring for that small human, and dealing with more time as the only adult at home.
If he can’t manage to eat the meals he’s offered without critiquing them, he’s welcome to make his own meals—it’s as simple as that.
NTA. Does he like black eyed peas?
NTA mostly, but go for simple communication first. Say “I’m trying my best juggling a newborn and those comments hurt my feelings”. If he doesn’t apologize profusely and stop with the comments, then yes refusing to cook makes sense. I’m sure he could find some slow cooker recipes to make in the morning before work, or cook a nice meal with leftovers on Sundays, or cook something easy when he gets home too and have dinner a bit later. There isn’t a reason this has to be solely yours either way
Oh no, no, no.
Youre a new mom and adjusting to major life changes. NTA.
But, I think the two of you need to sit down and have a heart to heart. He probably misses being at home, cooking meals, which he obviously loved. He’s probably feeling burnt out by his commute and resentful. All understandable, but he has no right to take it out on you.
Tell him that his comments hurt your feelings and add additional stress to an already stressful time.
Talk it out, see if that helps.
Sounds like your husband needs to learn how to make a few quick and easy meals he prefers and do that after work. He also can meal prep on one of his days off. If he doesn’t like either of those options then he can get a second job to pay for the home chef. Nta
NTA, but your husband sure is. Mine is a professional chef, so his palate and opinions on food are objectively better than mine. I can cook simple dishes, but I’m sure they could be better. The only thing my husband says when I cook is “thank you”, unless I specifically ask for feedback.
NTA. My husband tried that with laundry when we first got married. When I found him refolding everything, I congratulated him on his new laundry job, which he has held for nearly 50 years now.
NTA.
I’m a SAHW/M, and I absolutely love to cook. I’ve been told I’m a great cook, and I could happily spend all day in the kitchen experimenting with new recipes and making everything from scratch. However, I have a genetic disease and also live with chronic pain. And there are unfortunately some days I simply can’t stand, let alone spend hours preparing a meal.
My husband freely admits he doesn’t enjoy cooking, and he’s not that great at it (he’s not bad, at all. Just not super confident when it comes to seasoning things properly, or trying things outside of his comfort zone). But on my bad flare up days, despite working long hours at his railroad job, he will throw together a tried and true recipe for the kids and I, so we don’t waste a ridiculous amount of money ordering out.
I thank him profusely every time. Because
A. Even though I know I could prepare it better, I don’t care. He’s picking up my slack and doing me a huge favor.
B. I’m not a spoiled brat. And if someone is kind enough to do something to help me out when I’m having a bad pain day, the last thing I’m going to do is start criticizing.
If your husband feels the need to make an obnoxious comment about the food you prepared, while caring for an infant no less, then it sounds to me like he just signed himself up as the one who cooks dinner every night.
“My husband got called back into office after years of working from home.”
The location of his workplace changed. How does this give him an excuse to stop cooking, especially after you just pushed out a small human being? By going to the office, he’s actually getting a break from home responsibilities; therefore he needs to step up and do more around the house, not less.
“If you *would* do it that way, then *you should* cook it that way. Because this is the way that I do it.”
End of discussion.
INFO
“I just think my husband is forgetful.”
Does he get frequently reprimanded at work for failing to follow instructions, being rude to colleagues, for being forgetful, etc? Does he struggle to make and maintain friendships because of excessive rudeness, critique, forgetting plans, and such?
If yes to those, then sure maybe it’s a general thing he struggles with (that he should work on). But if not, then he does remember and he just does it anyways even though you said it is hurtful to you…