The wife and I were planning a short weekend trip to visit her parents at the end of this month for their anniversary. That would have meant flight tickets + a nice dinner on us. They were made aware that we’ll be visiting.
Our cat got sick all of a sudden few days ago and we were hit with a significant vet bill (~$800) which we were obviously not expecting. I was going to book the flights at around the same time but decided not to as I’m considering canceling our trip. Our financial situation is not terrible and we can afford to spend the money from our savings but I don’t think it’s a necessary expense. I’d prefer not to dip into our savings which we’ll eventually be putting towards a down payment for a house. Currently I’m the primary breadwinner and she works part time as she’s between jobs. This is enough for our normal monthly expenses plus some change but until she finds a full time position we’re not putting anything towards our savings.
Would I be the asshole for wanting to cancel this trip
NTA for *wanting* to cancel, but YWBTA if you unilaterally decide to cancel. It doesn’t matter who is the breadwinner; when you are married you discuss these things and reach a decision together.
If you’re making this decision on your own without consulting your wife YWBTA
And why would you book flights the month of? That just seems like bad planning specially cause prices shoot up the closer the date is. Doesn’t make sense to me if you’re so worried about saving money.
>And why would you book flights the month of? That just seems like bad planning specially cause prices shoot up the closer the date is. Doesn’t make sense to me if you’re so worried about saving money.
Because OP never wanted to go and was waiting for an excuse to not go.
YTA. This isn’t hard. The issue is its not really your trip, so you unilaterally saying no is AH. Just talk it over with your wife, don’t try to strong arm cause breadwinner and make the decision as a unit. It comes across AH cause you aren’t nearly as invested emotionally/mentally in to the trip, so sure from a straight numbers perspective you are correct, but this is not a straight number decision.
There is real value in your wife being there to celebrate her parents anniversary, trust she’s mature enough to balance these interests or atleast that y’all are mature enough to discuss this and come to an agreed decision.
NAH…*yet.*
It’s fine to be concerned about expenses, but it isn’t your place to make the decision.
Discuss the matter with your wife…which you should have done before coming here.
Why do you get to make that decision by yourself?
YTA. You can afford it but don’t want to. If you’d already bought the tickets first would you use savings for the cat? If it were YOUR parents anniversary, would you be saying “sorry, can’t come, I don’t want to dip into savings” – What’s the difference.
Moreover, your whole post reads as “wife isn’t equal partner so I get to say” which isn’t right, and “she’s working part time as she’s between jobs” – she has a job! It might not be full time, earning as much as you and may well not be the job she ultimately wants, but you’re grossly minimising her contribution- and it’s her parents anniversary, not a random visit just to see them which could be more readily postponed… until when? Does wife have to get a full time job before she’s allowed to visit her parents again? Not until you’ve got the down payment paid?
Lastly, and the final nail in the coffin that gets you the YTA judgment… “I’m considering cancelling the trip” – wife doesn’t even get to have a discussion on the topic.
Don’t ask *us*; ask your *wife*.
It’s *her* parents who you were planning on visiting for a special occasion.
It wasn’t a vacation—or *your* parents. I’m not suggesting you wouldn’t still be canceling in this situation if it *were*. Well, maybe I *am*. It just seems awfully, um, *convenient* that something comes up to justify cancelling a visit to your in-laws.
But if your wife is okay with canceling (or delaying) the trip, who am I to object?—unless, of course, you’re going to spend an equivalent amount of money on something that only *you* want.
NAH (for now…)
YTA
Cats get sick. That’s what Emergency Funds are for.
>Our financial situation is not terrible and we can afford to spend the money from our savings but I don’t think it’s a necessary expense
It’s an AH move to say “it’s not necessary” to visit parents.
Maybe you haven’t hit my age yet, but I’m at an age where a lot of my friends are losing their parents. Time with them is precious and you can’t get it back.
It sounds like you just don’t want to go anymore and using the cat’s illness as as excuse, which makes you an AH.
Info: what does your wife think about cancelling?
YWBTA if you make this decision without your wife on board. This trip is to see *her* parents. You might think it’s “unnecessary” but she may not, especially if she doesn’t get to see them very often in the first place because of how much expense and effort it is to do so, since it involves flying. Don’t deny her access to her family as some sort of punishment for working part time while between full-time jobs. She gets a say here, too.
Would she be okay going without you? That way she still gets to see her family and you could save on the cost of your travel. But do not unilaterally cancel.
I hope your kitty is doing well.
I think maybe you should consider the cat money as the extra expense rather than the trip. This seems like an important event. Could you figure out a way to save a bit (cooking a nice meal instead of taking them out), or send her and stay home?
First of all YTA for thinking this is your decision to make. You decided not to book tickets because you felt it wasn’t ok to spend the money. You also decided the importance (or lack of it) of the trip. All of this without speaking to your SO. Regardless of who works more, decisions about joint endeavors should be discussed together. You clearly do not respect or love your wife enough to consider her a true partner. What you are doing is abusive, holding your earning power over her and denying her anything you don’t wish to spend money on.
YTA
You’re acting as if you get to make this decision by yourself because you’re the only one working full time right now, and that’s rude.
Your wife is your partner, not your kid.
You decide things *together*.
If you’re concerned about your long term savings, which is reasonable, why not ask her to sit down and brainstorm this with you?
What can the two of you come up with as a compromise…
You guys send them a gift certificate that will more than fully cover the two of them at the restaurant you were going to take them to?
Your wife flies out by herself and offers to cook for them?
The two of you looked to find a less expensive restaurant that would still be a nice time?
At the end of the day, I can see not wanting to take constant hits to the savings while you’re unable to add to it.
But another completely reasonable compromise is that you follow through on your commitment that you made to your wife for this trip, but bring up the subject in advance that you’re concerned about savings dwindling due to *unexpected expenses* like the cat…
And ask her to agree that the two of you will not make any other costly plans until the budget is able to support renewed contributions to savings.