Backstory: I have a highly anxious mother and at times I resent her for it although I try my hardest to be compassionate.
I live a street over and she wants me to call her when I get home from visiting her. I feel like it’s unhealthy and crosses boundaries.
I told her I will no longer call her once I return since I live a street over and it created anxiety for me. She called an hour later to make sure I returned home safely and I flipped saying it’s going to make me paranoid.
Am I being harsh? She won’t listen to what I say.
NTA. Don’t enable her.
NTA.
Read the whole thing, but the title alone would suffice.
And yes, her demand crosses boundaries and is unhealthy for all involved. You don’t cure anxiety by feeding it, or adding its weight onto someone else’s responsibility. She needs professional help.
I get both POV’s, can a text suffice for both of you?
This is what I do for my mom (we live in the same neighborhood). I just shoot her a quick “made it” text.
NTA. My mom did that. She would evrn time me, call me and let the phone ring. This was in the days before cell phones and answering machines. Oh, my neighbors loved hearing my phone ring for five minutes.
I finally had to sit her down and tell her that I was an adult. That her insisting on this meant I couldn’t go anywhere except straight home or she’d annoy the crap out of my neighbors. And if anything happened, the police would let her know. Plus, I would NOT be calling her any longer.
She stopped. You have to put your foot down.
NTA, but nor is she – it sounds like she’s got some serious anxiety disorder(s). Is she being treated?
I grew up when it was normal to park and watch your female friend or date walk to the door and enter as a safety precaution.
Perhaps instead of calling, a quick text “Home now.” or “Made it.” would suffice?
I honestly can understand both your stances, hence the compromise which would meet in the middle, perhaps?
>I grew up when it was normal to park and watch your female friend or date walk to the door and enter as a safety precaution
I still do this with my friends (men and women)
My youngest daughter lives 10 minutes from us, and I always ask her to text me when she gets home, I just want to make sure she got home safe.
Text. Don’t call. If she is ok with that you have solved the problem.
As crazy as the world is, I do ask my daughter to call me when she and her five kids get home. Not a demand, just want to know they arrived home safely.
You can’t be bothered to send a simple, “I’m home. Good night”? YTA
YTA
Every single one of my friends texts when we get home from being together and we are way older than you are.
I lost my mother 3 years ago and I’d give anything for one more annoying quirky conversation with her.
Count your blessings that someone cares that you’re safe.
Neither of you are assholes but you both desperately need therapy and healing.