Our son (5) Ken was born on St Patrick’s day. When I was near my due date with our daughter (2) Amy, I hoped it’d be 11/11 so both my kids had a “lucky” “holiday” birthday, but she wasn’t.
Second child thing is 100% a thing. I haven’t felt as controlling of things for her as I did when Ken was born with making everything just right (there was a lot of anxiety when he was born, could also pertain to being a covid baby).
Ken has had a party every year since his 1st bday with all our friends and family. Amy had a small party in our home with some close family and even fewer friends invited due to size. We wanted to have a big party and planned to maybe hold one later for her, but weren’t able to. She did get a big party at her second bday, but I still feel guilty for that first one.
2 years ago I was babysitting my niece (5) and she was saying she needed to make a leprechaun trap for school. We helped her build one and built one ourselves. This is the third year a leprechaun has been to our home causing mischief for a week before the 17th. Here is where the real issue begins.
I thought that the leprechaun was a new thing that parents were doing for their kids like the elf in the shelf. In no way did I think it was going to be strictly a leprechaun visiting Ken because of his birthday. That is what it has turned into. Ken gets so excited about “Rascal” each year (third year doing it), but apparently neither my brother nor sister did it this year for their kids (did it last two) because leprechauns are only coming for kids born on st Patrick’s day. Idk how the heck that happened. But I at least thought the leprechaun was here visiting Amy as well. My mom made a comment when I picked both kids up last night that she was told differently. I didn’t get to talk to my husband last night about it, but we woke up early to decorate this morning.
This is the third year that Ken had woken up to balloons and streamers everywhere for his birthday. I asked DH if we were leaving some coins behind for Amy. He said no since the leprechaun is only here for Ken. I asked if that meant we were going to find something special to do for Amy’s birthday then. He said no. He said that by the time she’s old enough to realize there was a leprechaun for Ken’s birthday, we will have stopped because Ken will be old enough to know they aren’t real.
I don’t believe that’s true. We started the leprechaun when Ken turned 3, only 8 months older than Amy is now. Even if we do it two more times, it’s enough for her to know. Also, when she’s an adult, I don’t want her to look back and wonder why we basically did a weeklong celebration of her brothers birthday where he’d wake up to streamers and balloons everywhere, and she didn’t. Coupled with the first birthday and second child syndrome, is it wrong to worry about her feeling differently? My husband thinks I’m ridiculous for wanting to figure something out for her birthday. We fought about it, and he thinks I’m an AH for trying to make things more difficult.
YTA. Treat your second born daughter the same way you treat your son. I fucking guarntee she will notice.
You are treating her differently. She doesn’t have second child syndrome, she has crappy parents and a crappy family who treat her like a second class citizen.
Even if there’s no leprechaun, why can’t the balloons and streamers be a thing? You can have a whole party for her without the leprechaun.
Your husband favors your son and you’re seemingly unable to do something equally as special for your daughter. I don’t get why you don’t just do something special for her. You’re not your husband’s child who needs his permission before you do something special for your daughter, are you? If not, then just plan something. If you don’t start taking initiative and making her feel equal now then she’ll grow up to think she’s not good enough and resent you both. She’ll start noticing the disparities between her and her golden child brother even before she starts kindergarten. Your son will grow up an entitled ah if you keep this unbalanced dynamic up. Do something or you won’t only be the AH but a bad mom. Your husband is already a bad father.
You and this notion of “lucky birthdays” created this problem and you can stop it. Stop with the leprechaun thing. Let your kid wake up to streamers just because it’s their birthday and do the same for your second kid.
You’re going to eventually piss off your eldest kid as well if you keep associating his birthday with St. Patrick’s day. It sucks having a birthday near a holiday, and I say this as someone with a birthday close to Christmas. The holiday inevitably overshadows your birthday.
The best thing you can do for both your kids is to just make their birthdays about them specifically. If you do that you’ll be acting fairly with both of them.
YTA
The fact that Kens birthday is st Patrick’s day has nothing to do with the fact that “he wakes up to a house full of balloons and streamers” and “his birthday is celebrated for a full week”. You can put up balloons and streamers for Amy, you can have a party for Amy. Her birthday is special because it’s her day, it doesn’t need an external celebration to add to it.
Exactly! Give your daughter the same celebration and birthday week, OP! She is going to notice, and remember. Your son’s birthday just happens to be on st Patrick’s day, that doesn’t make him more special or the chosen one. You have two children, who both deserve the same effort and celebration .
Right? If a leprechaun exclusively visits the son due to his birthday, maybe a fairy or elf or something can visit the daughter. It’s not that hard to be a little creative and equal.
YTA
are you really asking if you’re the a$$hole because your son is obviously favored and you won’t change that because your husband said no?
YTA, and so is your husband.
Your husband is the AH because he favours your son.
And YTA because you’re allowing the favouritism towards your son to go unchallenged at the expense of your daughter.
You don’t need your husband’s permission to plan something special for your daughter. So why aren’t you starting to make plans on a tradition and something special for your daughter on her birthday?
Laziness? Or you also share the same level of favourtism towards your son, and you aren’t willing to acknowledge it?
As the younger sibling who wasn’t treated as favourable by my mom as my older brother was, let me just tell you that your daughter WILL notice the preferential treatment that is given to her older brother!
I noticed from a young age how less effort was put into my birthdays in comparison to my brothers. I noticed how my mom loved and cared for my older brother, whilst I was often an afterthought and excluded.
Btw, I eventually found out that my own mom wasn’t there for my first birthday party. She was ‘too busy’.
So just because you assume that you’re safe from your daughter ever finding out the lack of effort put into her birthdays in her early years, well you are wrong. There is always the chance that she will find out, just like how I found out.
ESH (except the kids)
So Amy doesn’t have a leprechaun, what about a fairy or a unicorn that visits and leaves balloons and streamers? It’s gross as hell that your husband wants to do all this for your son but do *nothing* for your daughter. You need to take a long hard look at how sexist your husband is and how sexist his family is and decide if that’s how you think your daughter should be raised, always a second class citizen, not even worthy of *consideration* for doing something equivalent for her birthday. Just a flat no. Take a long hard look and I think you’ll see that this isn’t isolated to birthdays, does your husband spend as much time with your daughter as your son? Does he give your daughter the same kind of opportunities as he gives (or gave at the same age) your son? Does he take your son on special outings or trips and not your daughter? Does he get special treats for son and not daughter? I’m betting there’s a disparity there. It’s not about your son being a covid baby, it’s about your son being a *son* and not a daughter.
What white nonsense is this?
I don’t understand why you just don’t do the same thing for her birthday, even though it’ll be a little different? You don’t need a leprechaun to put up streamers and balloons to celebrate your child?
YTA and so is your husband. You both seem to prefer your son over your daughter and that’s damaging to her. Either stop making a huge deal out of his birthday or include her birthday in the same way.
ESH, just stop celebrating St Patrick’s day (You’re clearly not Irish, nobody in Ireland pretends there is a leprechaun visiting on St Patrick’s day) and give both of your kids normal parties of approximately equal size and value.