My cousin (27F) invited me to her wedding and I accepted back then, the invite came roughly a year before the celebration, we don’t live in the same country so I told her that most likely I would attend unless something unexpected happened that would make it impossible to travel.
I was offered to be a grooms-men (I don’t know if that’s the correct word in English, it’s a catholic wedding tradition) and my mom told me that I was expected to walk in the church with another woman from a different family that I never had contact before.
The issue is, I (30M) have a partner (28M) because of the distance and travel costs, we decided that I would go alone (we’re also saving money for our house but that’s a different story), I bough this issue with my partner and he was offended by it, I agree that it’s inconsiderate, specially since they know that I’m not single, so I told my cousin that would be nice if I would just be a regular guest.
My mom said that “it’s not a big deal” and “she just wants to give you a spotlight on the wedding”, while my partner says that “they’re just using you as decoration”, I don’t want to cause a fuss at the family but I did not decide yet, if I avoid going because of this, AITA?
YTA, all you have to do is walk for 2 minutes with this person. People do that regardless of their relationship status. You might want to address some apparent jealousy issues in your relationship.
YTA you said you would be in the wedding party stick to to your promise. Walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid is not disrespectful. Does your boyfriend think she’s going jump you during the ceremony during the walk or maybe at the altar?
Uhhhh it’s definitely normal for groomsmen and bridesmaids to walk down the aisle together at the beginning of the ceremony. Does it bother you because it isn’t your partner you’re walking with? In my experience the people from the bridal party get paired up and walk together. You might be the asshole but I need more information
YTA. It appears you and your partner agree that it’s fine for you to go alone. So the issue is that you’re going to spend less than two minutes walking down an aisle with someone you don’t know? Have I got that right? If that’s the issue — not going alone, not the expense — then you’re definitely a very substantial AH.
Are you simply being asked to walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s maids? If so, that’s just a very normal thing in every wedding I’ve attended, and it is odd (to me) that you and your partner seem offended by it. Your partner isn’t wrong, in the sense that the wedding party are, in a small sense, “props”. They are symbolic witnesses to the wedding.
If this style is wedding is alien to you I’m sure it seems strange but there’s nothing in your post that strikes me as problematic. Very soft YTA.
YTA. It is extremely common for couples to have groomsmen and bridesmaid paired randomly (or based on something like height) to walk in and out of the ceremony together. No one will assume that you are a couple with the bridesmaid you’re assigned. You’re not being used as decoration, you’ve been asked to do the honor of standing up for your cousin and their partner as they make the biggest promises of their lives. Depending on when the wedding is, they have almost certainly already paid for your plate, so deciding not to attend at this point could cost them hundreds of dollars.
However, depending on when they asked you to be a groomsmen, you might not be TA if you say you’d prefer to attend as a guest. (When) Did you say yes to the groomsmen role? If a long time ago, then yes, YTA for dropping out. If very recently or you never actually accepted, then I don’t think YTA, but I do think this is a bad reason to say no.
YTA it’s not disrespecting anyone. They cared enough about you to want you to stand up for them and you and your bf are making it into something weird.
YTA. I would understand if you had no clue what it meant, had social anxiety of some sort and got no clarification but as a family member (who invited you a year in advance for her wedding party) asks you to walk as part of her wedding with another guest for what might be a maximum of 5 mins, there is no reason for this to be a problem.
The comment “they are using you as decoration” is unnecessary and makes it sound like OP’s cousin is taking advantage of you, when that’s not what’s happening. You’re participating in duties that’s involved with being family and deciding not to go just because of this reason makes you a AH.
YTA. It is just walking down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids (usually there are a few more other pairs of people doing this so it is not singling you out) just before the bride comes down the aisle. They MAY ask you to have ONE dance with that bridesmaid (along with all the other groomsmen and bridesmaids) toward the end of the bride and groom’s first dance. There is nothing “romantic” or “sexual” about the role.
YTA. It’s complete ridiculous to think that this is inappropriate because you’re not single. All you’re gonna do is lock arms with the person and walk 20 feet. It’s not a romantic thing at all. Good grief.
Chances are the bridesmaid OP would be matched up with isn’t single either. Nobody attending the wedding is going to think the bridesmaids/ groomsmen walking down the isle together are couples.
YTA. I was maid of honour at my sister’s catholic wedding. I walked out linking arms with a married man. Had a nice chat with his wife later on. It’s not a date. There’ss nothing to be offended by.
The bride chooses people to stand with her on her wedding day to support her (typically all women but some people include men). The groom chooses people to stand with him on his wedding day to support him (typically all men but again, some choose women too).
You walk out of the church in pairs to symbolise both sides coming together to support the marriage.
Often the bridal party will pair up again to join the bride and groom on the dancefloor for the first dance. This is still not a date and not something to be upset about or offended by.
Having said all that, if you are really really uncomfortable with the role, you can decline it, but not attending a wedding at all, when you have already RSVPd yes and the couple think of you as important enough to be in the bridal party is an AH move.
Edit: typos
walking down an aisle with someone else is literally just how weddings work, your partner is making this way too deep. NTA
YTA. It’s the role of a groomsman to walk down the aisle and that has zero to do with your relationship or partner. Your cousin wants you to stand up for them and gave you a role in their wedding. If your partner can’t afford to go to the wedding with you that’s not the brides problem. Nobody is disrespecting anyone here.