So I work in a mainly office setting, and we have a lot of meetings, video conferences and online training which is primarily in video format.
I’ve always needed something to do with my hands, thanks to ADHD and if I dont then I cannot focus on things that isnt reading properly (which is ironic bc i also have dyselxia).
I’ve also been crocheting and knitting since I was little and its something I do a lot while at home watching tv and movies bc it helps me focus.
In Uni i used to crochet and knit in lectures because it helped and no one seemed to have a problem with it – the lecturers actually encouraged it when I asked and said as long as it helped me focus i could do whatever I wanted.
So I decided I was going to take it into work with me to see of that would help me focus more in meetings and not get distracted during them (theyre very long meeting, going up to 4 hours sometimes, and usually I mentally clock out within the first half hour).
It worked, I was able to focus a lot better and be more involved in the meetings because I wasn’t drifting away.
But recently a colleague came up to me and told me to stop. He said that it was rude and disrespectful towards everyone in the meeting and our service users whom the meetings are generally about. I tried to explain that it actually helped me in staying on track and remembering more of the information about our service users but he held his stance firmly.
And its not like im not participating at all, I dont need to look down at my knitting or crochet because ive been doing it so long and I bring in pieces that are simple and mindless to do. I also will put it down to write / type up notes and if im talking.
anyway, my colleague said he was going to bring this to higherups if i continued, even though i had already cleared it with my manager before i started doing so, and its gotten me a bit worried so i need your opinions.
(I just want to preface that the meetings I take part in aren’t massive company meetings, usually there are about 6 -15 of us and its generally group discussions. also where i work is quite relaxed and generally a casual setting (like, we wear smart casual as well) so its not super formal )
So should I stop? is what im doing disrespectful?
Edits / more info :
To clear up about the service users – they are NOT in the meeting with us, its only us as professionals in these meetings. We are discussing them and what we are going to do / our plans, but they are not present for them. We work with their mental health and im a part of a Therapy team so I am well aware that it would be unprofessional to do so in the presence of service users.
Additionally, the people within these meetings are generally people I see every day, so theyre not all strangers.
ALSO, I keep the crafting on my lap and the projects are relatively small and in one colour (like socks, hats, squares etc… not big projects like blankets and sweaters), I have a notebook or laptop on the table, so im not taking up a bunch of space on the table and it is generally quite hidden.
When in the in person meetings I crochet so there is no needles clacking as crochet only uses 1 hook, the knitting is done when im online as knitting is a bit more of a hassle than crochet it
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Thank you all for the recommendations on other fidgets I could use as well, I’ll give some of them a try
If it were a video meeting I’d be with you. However in person is a different ball game. I also have ADHD and find meetings difficult to stay on track with if I’m not doing something with my hands. Now I WFH and my hands can’t be seen in the meeting so crochet or a fidget toy works for me. Usually the latter as I often need to share my screen as well.
I would have a talk with your manager and team about four hour long meetings and their efficacy. Even a neurotypical person is probably struggling to stay focused in that time. Discuss if it’s possible for meetings to be shorter, or adding in breaks and space to get away before coming back. There are literally studies about this you could use to back your points.
But OP’s manager already knows and cleared it. Maybe the meetings could be shorter, but personally, as someone who also has ADHD, I still need something to do with my hands in a one hour meeting, not just four hour meetings. This seems like a reasonable accommodation to me.
NTA. I don’t know how this guy functions in society if something quiet and repetitive is breaking his brain this hard. I mean, be sure that you’re using needles that don’t clack if you’re knitting (bamboo can be good for this). But honestly this is functionally no different than anything else you could do with your hands in a meeting.
Brains are diverse and we all use a variety of mechanisms to help us pay attention.
Ok, everyone giving you a Y needs to sit down. You literally cleared this with your manager, it wasn’t a surprise to them and as long as you’re focused and participating that’s all that should matter. NTA
For real. Anyone’s opinion but the boss’s is completely irrelevant.
Also adding that there are articles showing that the average adult attention span can be increased by keeping your hands busy. So there is evidence backing up OP’s experience that this makes them a more effective and engaged team member.
Research also shows meetings are boring AF and could be condensed to about half the time or much of it could be sent via email.
(Yes I’m the researcher and the research is based on my experience.)
I have ADHD and what’s called intrusive sleep – if I’m in a boring meeting and not physically doing something, I will fall asleep.
It may look like falling asleep to everyone around me, but for me it’s more like passing out. I’m not sleepy and can’t just fight it off – it’s like a switch in my brain is suddenly flipped to “off”.
I am currently fighting with my manager over what’s considered “reasonable” for this purpose. I WISH I was allowed to knit (well it’d be embroider in my case) because doodling or writing down what’s said doesn’t work me, fidget toys don’t work for me, and the only other thing I know works is getting up and moving around, which is even more disrespectful.
Neurotypical people do not understand what it’s like to have a brain like this. Most of them can’t fathom that we can do two things at once without being distracted. And workplaces are just not set up for neurodiverse people. We don’t choose to be like this, and we are trying so hard to fit into a NT society, but we can’t always do that. And your coworker feeling a bit put out by your management strategy does not override your right to just be able to *do your work*. Yeah, it looks weird to NT people, but it’s not hurting anyone, and it’s helping you work, so their opinion means jack shit.
…sorry this turned into a rant, I have a lot of feelings about this.
As a knitter, I am with you.
As a worker, I’d be very wary of doing this for fear of losing respect.
Same. It’s unfair because I think this is a reasonable accommodation. It’s something I think shouldn’t be a problem. I would be fine with a coworker doing this. Unfortunately, plenty of people have no respect for any kind of neurodivergence. Discrimination is real. This is the sort of thing that can have you off the promotion list or on the layoff list really easily. Even if she has a diagnosis and a written accommodation, it can still hurt her. Not everyone is vocal about it, so trying to prove it if it came to that could be quite difficult. They won’t say, “We’re firing you because of your need for a centering activity.” Your career can just be stuck. Or the next time they’re doing a layoff, you get laid off with a bunch of folks ostensibly for financial reasons. Even if you could sue, that takes time and you’re still out of a job.
NTA. I actually had to read your story a few times to make sure no one in my office was being rude because we also have someone who knits/crochets during very similar (thankfully shorter) meetings. It’s not a big deal. After 2 meetings I don’t even notice she’s doing it anymore. Maybe a “cool, new project!” But then again, watching someone else crochet is only so interesting for so long. You got permission from your manager, that should be the end. In accommodation land, we like to tell people like your coworker to mind their own business and if they would like to crochet during meetings to they either need to speak up and ask or go get a disability that necessitates they do so!
NTA because it was cleared with your manager but you may want to take the extra step to get documented accommodations in place with HR. You also may want to report your colleagues interaction with you to your manager and HR
NTA.
Non-neuros will never get it.
It’s like when I have to make hard eye contact. I can do it, but I can’t hear/process what you’re saying if I have to hold that eye contact. It takes up all of my mental capacity.
For many, fiddling with something in your hands IS a distraction and a clear message that you’re not engaging in the conversation or meeting.
As a ADHD brained adult, I know exactly how counter intuitive it is, but if I can fidget or busy this other portion of my mind, then I can REALLY focus on the meeting. Hell, I’ll come out less tired too!
NTA: But your manager needs to clarify this with the people in the meeting. Otherwise why should you be able to do this and that same opportunity not be given to others attending the meetings.
If I were sitting beside you during a meeting, you might be able to focus better, but to me it would be a distraction so I wouldn’t be able to focus as well.