More than 10 years ago my SIL’s MIL passed away. The family cleaned out her house, took what they wanted, then decided to toss the rest. Before it was tossed, my SIL said to see if there was anything I wanted. All I could find was an old cookbook, which was in plain sight on the kitchen table. Fast forward to this year when I posted a photo of my island with cookbooks all over it (I was looking for a certain recipe). My BIL saw the photo and his mother’s cookbook, then demanded it’s return. I refused. The whole family is in an uproar. Half are on my side, half on his. I’ve had to block quite a few from being able to contact me, as they were getting REALLY rude. AITAH for not returning it? If I hadn’t taken it, it was going to be thrown away.
Soft YTA, when you’re grieving it’s easy to overlook things. This is a cookbook from someone who is not related to you (as far as I can understand this is your spouse’s sister’s husband’s mom). If you’re invested in the recipes, make some copies and keep those. Give back the original.
I concur. You don’t need the actual book so be the bigger person. BIL might well be being the AH by causing such a stir but you don’t have to be one too.
“look and keep what you want” \*ten years later\* “noo not that”
NTA theyre being ridiculous. you could offer to maybe let them copy the book or give them recipes if they want but youre not obligated to give a ook away that they specifically dindt want and let you keep for 10 years.
You’re responding as if the person who said the first thing is the same person who said the second thing. Maybe it was overlooked. Maybe he wasn’t given the opportunity to get it and thought it was just lost to the situation. It does seem like the BIL is making this out to be a bigger thing than he should and really should have gone for calm negotiation instead of whatever this is, though.
YTA. You didn’t do anything wrong by taking the cookbook. That said, when cleaning out a lifetime of a dead loved one’s stuff, there are inevitably going to be things that are overlooked.
Now that you know it was a treasured possession of someone you’re not even related to, you would be a huge AH if you refused to give their mother’s cookbook back after they’ve asked. Are you really that attached to an unrelated dead woman’s recipes that copying the recipes and giving back the original isn’t worth salvaging your relationships with extended family/in-laws?
It’s been over 10 years. It couldn’t have been THAT treasured.
If he thought the book had been tossed by mistake 10 years ago he would’ve had no reason to be looking for it all this time
If you’ve never had to go through a loved ones entire house… I’m glad for you. It’s an enormous, emotional project and things like this can absolutely be overlooked.
OP should give the book back. If it’s evoking strong emotions for one of her kids….be the bigger person and give it back.
My nan had a little bracelet promised to me. It was presumed for about eight years to be binned with the rest of her stuff. Then my aunt found and started wearing it and I kicked up a fuss. She was fortunately reasonable and gave me it and I let her keep a charm from it.
That bracelet was absolutely treasured by me but also ‘lost’ because I wasn’t involved in the clearing process. Sounds like exactly what’s happened here.
Photocopy the cookbook and keep it for the recipes, and return the original to the family for its sentimental value.
INFO: If I’m reading this correctly, the cookbook belonged to your SIL’s MIL, meaning the original owner was not related to you at all?
– Are you on good terms with your SIL?
– Is this cookbook out of print, super rare or otherwise valuable?
I don’t think you’re the asshole because yeah, the book would have been tossed if you didn’t grab it. But I also know how difficult it is to sort through a loved one’s belongings while you’re grieving, and something like this could be easily missed in the moment.
Personally, if the cookbook can be easily replaced with a new copy and you like your SIL, I’d return the original as a gesture of goodwill. You can always take photos of the pages with recipes you like.
Take pictures of the recipes you use abd give it back. It’s not sentimental to you so why cause an argument over it?
Imo, your sil had no right to tell you take anything (Im guessing that your sil’s mil is not your mother). For all you know people have been looking for that cookbook. You should give it back, copy all the recipes you like for sure, but give it back. Would it want your mothers book returned if it was taken by someone else? Soft yta
YTA. Make a copy of the book and give the original one back to the BIL. It clearly has sentimental value if he spotted it right away. People don’t exactly have the clearest heads when going through grief, so they probably just forgot to take the book. I bet I missed a bunch of stuff from my grandparents when they passed because I was beside myself for months.
Yes yes, pat yourself on the back for saving the book in the first place, but now it’s time to give it back to the people that would’ve wanted to take it in the first place and who have a very strong emotional connection to it. Do you want this book so badly that you’d accept ruining your relationships with your in laws over it? Just because you’re technically right (with the “the book would be in the trash if not for me”), doesn’t mean that you’re not an AH about this.
It’s really not that hard to be the decent person here.