Hello, i don’t wanna seem desperate but I really need help. (English is not my first language so don’t mind my grammar) I’m a teacher helper in a special needs school, we work with kids with a lot of different type of disabilities from the ages of 2 all the way to 23. We are trained to handle a kid in crisis, as well as for the safety of the kids there’s cameras with a clear view of the whole classroom in the entire school. Now to what’s happening. I have a sweet but very explosive 5 year old in my class, a very smart kid for his age in my opinion. I love my job with a passion when it comes to working with kids, but to be in a special needs school it requires a LOT of patience. Kevin (fake name) is a really sweet kid, but it’s his way or no way. Whenever we ask him a question of any type when it comes to school work or even participating, he would avoid it by asking other questions. It’s not that bad right? No but there’s a lot more. We have other kids that are either verbal or nonverbal, usually we help a lot more the kids that needs a guide right beside them and most of them do things by themselves. Kevin knows his first and secondary colors, shapes, writing by himself, tie his shoes, tells you when he’s mad etc. I’m not a professional to state what he has, but most definitely has the intelligence to be in kindergarten or even 1st grade. Kevin likes everything being done his way like, not wanting to take a nap in nap time, tracing his name, wanting to play with other kids but wants the toys to himself, not wanting to get his dipper changed, constantly wants other kids to share their food with him after already having school and home lunch. I love Kevin and I’m always with him, but now his behavior is getting worse to the point behavior professionals and therapist can’t help. We have tried rewards with snacks but wants the whole bag to himself, toys but teases others for not getting the same treatment, tried reverse psychology, tried time out, nothing has been working. Kevin takes off his shoes and throws them to the other kids even though he’s not angry at them, hits the teachers, pinches, throw chairs, tries to break classroom decor, screams from the top of his lungs and all of that because he couldn’t have a crayon stand straight on the table. He throws fits for the smallest things and quickly goes for harming others. I have kids that have sensitive hearing when it comes to high pitched screams or even crying, sometimes we have to protect Kevin from the other kids before Kevin gets bit or even having a hand shoved in his mouth to shut him up. We were trained that after a hit we do a one arm wrap and after they calmed down for 2-3 minutes we let them go and give them space to calm down. With Kevin I’ve gotten up to a whole hour of holding down with the one arm wrap and eventually switch with another teacher after using force for so long. AITAH for seeking ways to help him outside of school?
He needs more support. A lot more. There needs to be a safety plan for this child, more involvement from therapists and care team and parents. If it is regularly going to restraint for an hour then there are major things that need to be addressed.
He is uncomfortable (sensory), he is scared, something else is dysregulating him. Simply restraining a special needs child is not a solution or okay. There needs to be a meeting with this child’s care team, parents and your supervisors NOW. He may need a one on one or even a break from this environment and move to a more intensive care environment for a while to keep everyone safe.
I understand but there’s a lot that we have tried for, therapist aren’t able to evaluate him since he refuses to the point he’s brought back to class. We have tried talking to the people in charge of behavior and even they have a hard time with him. I understand restraints might not be an good option but we are forced in doing so for the safety of teachers and students, if we don’t and he ends up hurting someone we could get suspended or even terminated for not following protocol. Unfortunately parents aren’t involved so we try to work with what we can, sensory toys aren’t in his interest but will get triggered if another student plays with it even if he doesn’t want it.
NTA. He needs more assistance than you can offer.
Nta. The arm wrap is a form of restraint and is likely causing him even more distress and trauma. Concentrate on prevention and de-escalation strategies and only use as a last resort. If he is Autistic being hugged or restrained can be especially distressing due to sensory issues.
There needs to be an assessment of what challenges could be behind the behaviour. He could be working with a occupational therapist to assess if he has needs around sensory issues or assessment if adhd is also possibly a issue. It sounds like he may have some difficulties with impulse control. His need for doing things the way he wants could also be a need for predictibility and structure amd diffultites in transitions you see in Autistic ppl. He also is likely behind his age group in emotion regulation and the added trauma of restraint can further delay it.
He could also be acting out due to boredom if he is not finding the work challenging enough. On the flip side he may have a learning disorder e.g. dyslexia, discalcula, or even vision hearing problems that make some areas of school work challenging and to avoid the shame of not understanding he is acting out. Or it can be a combo of any of the above.
Aba and compliance based rewards/punishment doesn’t work as it is not getting to the why of the behaviour. Some good resources you may find helpful are these https://thinkingautismguide.com/2017/04/if-not-aba-therapy-then-what.html
https://livesinthebalance.org/
I completely agree with all of it. Although i can’t really discuss what condition he has, I can say this kid is an absolute genius and would have anyone question why he’s there. In the beginning we could get him to actually express what he was feeling and why, if he didn’t wanna take a nap I would always play with him after putting the kids to sleep and he would actually wait quietly for me. Restraining is always the last resort to us for all the kids, if that isn’t working and it’s starts escalating than we call a behavior professional to help de-escalate but if that doesn’t work than we are forced to throw him on a Matt. We been avoiding completely in having to go that far even if it means getting hurt in the process of having him calm down again, we even started suspecting he likes being restrained since he would go as far as repeating the same action that forces us in restraining him again. Initially I thought he could be bored so we try different things for him, at first it may work but out of nowhere he would be screaming and throwing things without a second thought. I can see he’s struggling to understand and control his emotions, eventually when he’s calm he would walk up to us and apologize for hurting us, but after a couple of minutes there would be something else he’s upset for and the cycle repeats.
First of all, I’m surprised English is not your first language.
This child sounds like my granddaughter at that age. She never received a proper diagnosis even though she was in counseling for years. Her screaming fits lasted for hours and, unfortunately, she only got worse. She screamed so loud and long her nose bloodied, then stopped up so she actually had tears of blood!! Believe me when I say that when a child is making everyone miserable it doesn’t touch how miserable they are. My granddaughter eventually turned to drugs and we lost her to drugs when she was only 24. Her 24 years were a struggle with a mental illness that counselors couldn’t manage. I hope “Kevin” gets the help that will turn his life around. Of course you are NTA.
Thank you for sharing your story and I’m sorry for your loss as well as everything you have gone through, is not as easy working with a special needs even with the proper care and it can still be emotionally and mentally draining.
nta, and I don’t think you’re overstepping at all. His behavior is interfering with your ability to help other students, which is your literal job. This child clearly needs help from someone with more specialized training. This is all because of the education crisis in this country (I am assuming US, based on the age range you gave and you saying kindergarten and first grade), people are refusing to hire the proper number of people, the people with the proper qualifications, or both. Then kids like Kevin end up suffering, and compassionate people like you end up putting in way more time and effort than you actually get paid to do. It’s awful and unfair to everybody involved. I don’t believe in god but I can’t think of a better way to describe the teaching profession as God’s work. You are truly making a difference in every student’s life every day, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Clearly something needs to change. Restraint holds are an in-case-of-emergency measure to prevent someone being physically harmed. Which, granted, is usually more common in modsevere populations, especially the 5 year olds, but having to do it every day is a bright red flag that something isn’t working (To be clear, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be doing it. If someone’s physical safety is at risk, it’s absolutely the right thing to do. I’m saying that if people’s safety is being threatened this often, changes need to be made). Situations like this are stressful for the entire classroom, as well as physically taxing to the teachers. And he’s not going to be 5 forever. It sounds to me like he’s not getting something that he needs, but he probably isn’t even aware of what he needs, so he can’t communicate it to you. And of course it could be anything: more physical activity, less physical activity, different clothes, glasses, less noise, more sleep… there’s just so many things. I assume he was probably evaluated by a psychologist/behaviorist in order to go to this school, but was his last assessment at 2 or 3 years old? Is he seeing a psychologist or some other type of specialist on a regular basis outside of school? I think he could benefit from another assessment and/or specialist intervention. Just, dear god please not ABA therapy. It would probably make his behavior worse and that would be the best case scenario.
Does your school do IEPs in the spring? And if so, can they move his up? If you’re not able to sit in yourself, I would recommend writing a letter about his behavior and how he’s very bright but you feel he doesn’t have access to all of the tools to help him thrive. It sounds like Kevin could really benefit from a 1 on 1 who could remove him from the classroom when he was being disruptive and take him somewhere else to calm down, and I’m guessing you don’t have enough staff to do that and still maintain ratios. Ideally they would add that to his IEP and then they’d have to bring someone in… who knows how that would go in practice, though. I don’t know, I’m sure different states/districts do things differently. And I’m sure it can be harder to get people to listen to you when you’re “just” a para and not the teacher, even though you spend just as much time with the kids, if not more, and probably know the student better. But you’re absolutely correct that this kid needs more help than he is getting, and intervention outside of school would probably be the best solution at this time.
Thank you so much and yes you’re totally correct. He requires a lot of one on one with him but we are also always short staff, i always try to give him as much attention as I can but my other students also fight for my attention as well. There’s a lot I could do for him or even take him for walk to calm down, but than I would have up to 6 kids that would want to also follow along. Some of the therapist we have either refuses in having to deal with his behavior, or doesn’t need to take him since he has scored higher than needed expectations to work with a therapist. That kid has stolen and broken my heart many times, I get off from work completely drained mentally and physically. The main teacher and me are the youngest but as well as the only people that can deal with him when it gets physical, we tried seeking help to our own boss and they basically tell us to do whatever he wants even if he doesn’t know why he’s crying in the first place. I can’t say much of what conditions he has but he has passed all expectations to be put in a regular school, but he has 0 respect for any type of authority. He loves to be with me but he also doesn’t listen to me at times, he completely refuses to go home to the point someone has to carry him to his ride home. So far I been requesting in having a meeting with his parent or guardian as well as having behavior present, but I can’t involve myself in those type of situations since it’s not my job as well as my boss needs a reason to approve a meeting. I’m not willing to give up just yet In working with him, but I also dislike coming home with a new bruise or scratches every day.
i just clicked on your username and oh my god, you’re a baby. This is an incredibly stressful situation to be in, and a lot of responsibility to take on. Please make sure to take care of yourself first and don’t blame yourself for any of this. You’re doing the best you can with the resources you have. Even a super experienced para would struggle in this situation. Working with kids, especially kids with behavioral issues or disabilities, can be extremely rewarding but also extremely heartbreaking. It sounds to me like you’re really doing everything you could possibly do in this situation, and it’s out of your control to do any more. And you’re far from the only person experiencing this. People who work with kids, whether OTs, teachers, paraeducators, SLPs, school psychologists, you name it I have heard someone in that profession talk about a kid who needs help they just aren’t able to provide. this has only been compounded by the teacher shortage. It’s really just tragic and heartbreaking to see how much this affects the kids. it’s this sick mental game that politicians play, where they show educators what it looks like when kids don’t get support, and the educators, being human beings and hating to watch children suffer, end up working way beyond their paid hours out of guilt and compassion. it enrages me so much. I’m so sorry that you’re stuck in this situation, and I wish the people with authority in the situation would take it more seriously. I hope someone eventually listens and you’re able to make some changes to make things easier on everybody, but I want to assure you that it sounds like you are really doing the best you can in the situation. I desperately wish I had some magic technique I could share with you that would change everything, but unfortunately I don’t. I will say though, I really believe that “kevin” will remember you for a long time and the way you showed care and compassion to him. Sending you my best wishes ♡