My friend is an alcoholic, she admits this. I also have got similar issues the difference is i’ve not been at it as long as they have. I quit? I’m ratty but fine. She has a seizure.
The problem is she’s falling apart and we work together, she’s shaking. Everyone knows we are close and yesterday someone who is technically my boss full on asked me out right. I told her I couldn’t say, she reminded me that we have a duty to those in our care.
They are a wreck calling me all day crying even when they’ve phoned in sick. They are in full blown spiral and i’m struggling to help and now i’m being grilled about it but i’m worried if I tell anyone they will tell.
Now i’m thinking I should? It’s not helping her not telling. It will obviously be serious if I do but hopefully support can be put in place? Is that just wishful thinking ?
That definitely sounds like a tough situation and I feel like the work situation makes it even harder but I’d stand your ground in saying maybe she’s going through some health issues. If she’s really trying to quit and is going through it, she should take some time off and be confident in that and not rely on you to communicate her being unwell. As much as you care, you’ve done your part in supporting her and you can continue to do this but don’t jeopardize your job by covering for her just say “she’s going through some health issues if you want to know more you can ask her” and she can share if she wants! Proud of you for quitting ❤️❤️
Well, how would you feel if someone reported to your bosses that you are an alcoholic? Probably not great.
It would be good to suggest to her that she seek some help. Sounds like you could use that same help.
However, I do think it’s an asshole move to tell the bosses what knowledge you have gained from a personal relationship.
YWBTAH—But! Please encourage her to get help, and maybe go with her so you can get help too.
NTA I work directly with vulnerable people and if I knew one of my coworkers was coming to work drunk/high that is a massive issue. You are in a tricky spot with this one but if the boss has noticed then they should deal with them directly.
Your friend needs help and if you are not comfortable (which is very fair and valid) then you may need to reach out to someone else in their life to help them. You need to look after yourself first no matter how hard that sounds.
Work clearly already know, I reckon. I also think your answer probably confirmed their suspicions. I would probably speak to your friend about the fact that your boss asked you about it and try and make a plan together to help her.
I think it’s best you don’t directly tell work. Most places are not going to put support in place etc. so don’t be TA. Talk to your friend.
NTA but that person doesn’t need to be your boss. Find an actual safe person – I’m not sure who to suggest without more information – to talk to about this.
But FIRST, have you talked to her about potentially getting some help with this? Does she want help?
Info: what do you do? If being off her game could harm someone, then tell her she has to tell them or you will
“A duty to those in our care” sounds like you work with vulnerable people…checked OP’s profile, and it looks like working with troubled kids. I get that your friend is really going through it and you don’t want her to lose her job, but it sounds like work already knows to some degree. I don’t think she’s keeping her job either way. And to be honest, you do have a duty to those who are in your care and making sure they’re protected. It doesn’t sound like she’s in any sort of state to be working, and definitely not to be taking care of anyone vulnerable. NTA
If she’s shaking at work and having seizures, this is past the “friend helping friend” stage. You’re not snitching, you’re keeping her safe. You’ve got a duty at work and she needs real support, not you trying to hold her life together alone. Tell the right person and let the pros step in. You’re not the bad guy here.
INFO: What industry do you work in?
Do you work in healthcare? Operating heavy machinery? Construction? Anything of that ilk, it needs to be told. Most (though I know not all) decent workplaces will work with her to help her get assistance and take time off to get the help she needs.
On the other hand, if you work in a call centre or in food service, something with lower stakes and generally less support from management, might be best to keep your lips zipped.
Either way, it sucks to risk her livelihood over something that is not her fault (addiction is a disease), but you do have a responsibility (ethically/morally, if not legally) to protect her, your coworkers, and the general public.
Yes you would, you are not responsible or obligated to tell people things they don’t need to know especially if it could jeopardise anything
NTA – Hmm maybe you don’t necessarily need to tell people who work around her because she might feel some type of way about that….but tell the professionals. People who can legit help her alot. It depends on whether people at work just want the gossip or they would actually truly try to help her alot. Use your own discretion on that, it seems keeping it in is also taking a toll on you.
If she works there, then your boss is wrong to say, “We have a duty to those in our care.” She’s not “in care” she’s an employee. If the boss means she may affect a client, then that’s on them to drug test, which they should dobased on their suspicions, not based on whether you confirm or not. The boss is also fully capable of judging whether she’s too incapacitated to do her job. You don’t need to say anything, it’s not your business. She’s going to implode, and hitting bottom may help her ultimately.
Go to Al-Anon, it will help.
NTA – She should not try to detox from Alcohol without medical advice. Alcohol detox is one of the most deadly and she has an epilepsy concern already. Many people do not know just how dangerous this can be without proper care and advice.