edit 1: thanks for your answers and not letting me be asshole in her eyes. i’m gonna talk to her about reason why she goes by she/them in case to find out about her better. i understood that her happiness is much more important than that bc i really like her and she is very nice so i won’t be an asshole by trying to change her
first thing: i’m not a homophobe. i totally tolerate any kind of lgbt and that’s not a problem for me.
i am a cisgender straight male, that started dating a very nice and kind girl like a week ago. i really like her, and she likes me, but i don’t really feel comfortable about her sometimes using “they/them” as pronounces. there is kinda a reason.
you see, in english language they/them is using when you are taking about person whose gender you don’t know and it fits when you are describing non-binary. but we both are from ukraine, and we don’t have such thing in our language, because we use “they” only when we are talking about people in plural. that’s the reason why it sounds weird to me in our language.
so would i be an asshole if i talk to her about that without pressing on her?
INFO: does she use them for herself or for other people?
INFO: IS your new GF non-binary?
If so, then you need to get over that she prefers to reference herself this way.
Info: why is she using it? Is it because she identifies as non-binary? Do you have a problem with the possibility she might identify as non-binary or is this a grammar issue for you? When you say talk to her what are you asking her to change?
YTA or you would be
The language is gonna sound weird sometimes. But I can tell you one thing – if someone is taking the effort to genuinely ask people to change their name or pronouns, it means more to them than it does to you to NOT use it.
If it sounds weird in your language it probably sounds weird to them too. That just means every more that it means a lot to her to have the non binary side acknowledged. If they want gender neutral pronouns sometimes, try to let her have them. It will only sound awkward for a little while. You’ll get to used to it, and if you care about them, you’ll probably find you like how happy it makes her.
You would be an asshole if you put grammar pedantry before your girlfriend’s comfort.
YTA. If you’re not comfortable with how they identify, break up. This is about how your partner identifies and has nothing to do with you.
You’re both teens, and you’re a week in to the relationship ?
YWBTA it costs you nothing to let them chose whatever words they want
I suspect the real issue here is you feel she may outgrow a relationship with cishet situation, so its not just the word choice you dont want to happen
YTA. I’m a cishet male, and during business communications I go by ‘he/they’. It has nothing to do with my identity or any sort of insecurity, it’s just that I’m comfortable being called both.
YTA
If them potentially being non-binary is a dealbreaker for you, then simply break the deal. It’s been one week.
Yes, you would absolutely be an AH if you tell the person you’re dating that their preferred pronouns bother you. Because what do you want them to do with that information?
YTA, yes. Your girlfriend’s pronouns are for your girlfriend to decide, and you don’t have any say in it. If you feel uncomfortable with that, you need to deal with that yourself, or date someone else.
Pronouns, nor pronounce. And YTA if you ignore this simple request Any person should be able to decide for themselves how they wish to be addressed by others. At one time this sentence would have to be written or said this way: “Any person should be able to decide for herself or himself how he or she wishes to be addressed by others.” This can get very awkward. Or every pronoun automatically defaulted to male ones. The pronouns were used in situations when someone spoke about a person in general, whose actual gender was unknown, or in hypothetical cases, the gender didn’t really exist if there was no actual person involved at all. As someone has already pointed out, language changes. I think the plural pronouns “they, them, theirs, etc” slowly became more common for singular person usage just because it was less clunky, and yes, more inclusive. I remember a baby care book that referred to a baby exclusively with male pronouns. Later editions alternated both types of pronouns within the same short paragraph or chapter. If you can’t deal with this one small thing without making you want to declare publicly that you are not a homophobe , then perhaps you should speak to a professional counselor to determine why this bothers you so much. Many languages have masculine and feminine designations for all nouns. Languages don’t just suddenly change overnight, but all change according to the need to communicate clearly.