This happened a year ago, but this event still bothers me and makes me feel like I was in the wrong. I was 17f and had joined a mental health group for minors after hearing about it through a teacher. I hoped to gain more support and maybe friends. Things were fine at first, even though most kids already had their own little groups. Eventually a new staff member joined-let’s call him Mr. Blue. He seemed okay until one day he had us do a “free dancing” activity with our eyes closed. The problem however was that we were in a small room with a fairly large group, and as one of the smaller sized kids I didn’t feel safe so I watched from the sidelines. After the activity, I told the other staff members why I didn’t think it was a good activity. Mr. Blue dismissed me and said “you’re just too into yourself”. Frustrated, I replied, “maybe you need to get out of yourself if you can’t see what you’re doing wrong.” He got upset and told me that wasn’t appropriate for me to say to him. Later, he wanted to talk to privately, but I declined-I didn’t want to talk to him any further. After that day, I stopped sharing my opinions in the group. The staff noticed because I used to participate a lot, but I just told them I didn’t want to share my opinions. I was also attending less since I was in my senior year. Eventually summer came, and the staff wanted to have a serious meeting. I couldn’t go physically so they let me join by zoom, before the meeting started they informed us that we would talk one at a time and will not be talking over each other. Things started normally, but then one girl said she thought “certain people shouldn’t be coming to the group.” When asked who, she named me and another peer. I was shocked-I barely talked to anyone and hadn’t caused issues except the incident with Mr. Blue. She said I was “nasty and punishing them for what happened with Mr. Blue”, but I would still talk to everyone when they spoke to me. Then two other girls joined in, and even some of the staff members. They spoke badly of me and I could only listen. I wanted to follow the rules so I typed in the zoom chat to be able to speak, but no one answered. So I decided to what was best for my mental being and hang up. I had a spiraling afterward, but fortunately I had resources and my therapist who told me what happened was very unprofessional and to report the event. I did, I don’t know what happened afterwards since I blocked everyone apart of the group. Although my therapist and family told me that the staff members were in the wrong, I still think about what my old peers said about me. Was I truly in the wrong?
NTA – You should open up and share what you want when you’re ready to do so.
Was this an actual therapeutic group or some kind of informal thing run by whoever felt like it?
It was a legit organization, they had two separate groups: one for adults and one for minors. They even offered therapy
Sometimes when you join a therapy group, you get challenged to do things outside your comfort zone as part.of the therapy. But no matter what, you shouldn’t have been talked to that way and they would have tried to find a way to make you comfortable. NTA of course
I agree, I do wish I would’ve spoken to him but I didn’t want to risk being unheard again
Op of you in Toronto and Mr blue name starts with aa D and last name S please DM me !!! This is not an isolated incident
NTA. You have every right to share as little or as much as you are comfortable with at any given moment. They were wrong in how they handled the incident and wrong to allow others to gang up on you that way.
I hope you are doing better now. Best of luck moving forward and healing. Hugs if you want them!
Aww thanks, sometimes I just feel bad for standing up to myself. So thank you truly for your opinion
NTA. I’m a therapist. This was handled very unprofessionally. Participants in any therapy setting, including groups, need to be heard and respected by the facilitators. Its also the facilitators job to foster an enriching environment by addressing and curbing hostility. Other peers shouldnt have gotten away with saying those things about you, it’s absurd that the facilitator even asked who that girl meant when she said certain people shouldnt be coming. The facilitator should have redirected the conversation and had that discussion with her later in private. And I’m sorry, are you saying that the STAFF were saying negative things about you as well? Absolutely unacceptable. Sharing negative opinions about clients at all – but ESPECIALLY in front of said clients – is grounds to have licenses revoked and be removed from those job settings. Its against the code of ethics to cause harm to clients and it should have been pretty obvious to them you were being harmed by their actions.
If you’re feeling negatively about yourself, its a lot easier to believe the nasty things people say that align with your beliefs, than it is to believe all of the positive things people say that clash with your beleifs. We’re happy to assure you that you’re NTA and I hope you’re able to work on untangling the negative beliefs that still cause you to doubt if those peers of yours were right, because they absolutely weren’t.
NTA. Also a therapist agreeing with your therapist that the group and facilitator were not remotely appropriate in multiple ways. It’s understandable that you got upset. Good for you for speaking up!
NTA The group itself is very unprofessional and shld be reported.
Nta