hiii
I (22f) have been at my current job for just about 6 months. one of my coworkers in my department is pregnant and leaving for maternity leave soon. an email went out to the entire building inviting us to her baby shower. the baby shower is during work hours and you must rsvp and pay $15 to attend (to subsidize the cost of the catering). the catering is from a meat-heavy restaurant and im a vegetarian so i wont eat regardless.
my thing is that, while I work with this coworker every day, so there’s a lot of personal interaction, I’m not a huge fan of her personality-wise. I don’t have much common ground with her at all and she’s just grating to me personally. that isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with her, I just don’t think we mesh well at all. I feel as though, because the invite was sent to the entire company, there’s an rsvp to track who attends, and she’s in my department, that I’m being forced to attend, especially bc it’s during the work day (I can’t, for example, say that I have plans). choosing not to attend will be noticeable, as she is the type who has gotten upset in the past when higher-ups haven’t attended events. since this event is centered around HER, I know she’ll be even more butthurt if people don’t attend. I’ve also, unfortunately, made a reputation for myself as someone that is very willing to participate. for every potluck our department has had, I’ve participated. I sometimes bring homemade baked goods for my coworkers. I buy birthday cards for everyone to sign. I don’t know how to go about this.
workplace baby showers are… not common. I’ve only ever seen these invite mass emails twice in the six months I’ve been here, and they’ve both been for retirement parties that follow the same structure (during work hours, pay to rsvp and get a meal, sit down and celebrate). I also know that I’ll most likely be asked to chip in money for baby gifts from our department, and it just rubs me the wrong way altogether to plan this big event during the work day and then charge people to attend. it almost feels like peer pressure? it’s during my work hours so there’s no excuse to not show up or opportunity to say that I have prior commitments.
what do I do? just bite the cost and attend to save face? coincidentally plan a dentist appointment that day? I also can’t use the excuse of ‘I’m too busy’ bc all of us do the same work in my department and nothing is an emergency haha. I just don’t know. it also is hard because I’ve not been here that long, I’m the youngest person in my department by a couple years, and it’s just an uncomfortable situation. wibta if I skip? I don’t know if I am unreasonable for feeling the way I do.
side note: I work for the government, so parties during work hours seems a little less okay than a private company but idkkkk.
Really? To you an rsvp plus payment is peer pressure to go? I would look at that as “oh you really don’t want me there, aight”
NAH.
> I know she’ll be even more butthurt if people don’t attend.
And? She’s allowed to be sad folks don’t attend stuff. We don’t have to force everyone into these emotionless boxes.
Did you forget about your dental appointment? 😉
NTA
That’s odd – in work hours and pay to attend. A dental appointment or similar coinciding with the party sounds good. That way you haven’t ‘snubbed’ her or others organising this and won’t have a potential difficult atmosphere in the office with those who like the coworker or coworker herself after her maternity leave.
Just RSVP no. If anyone asks, say you’ve got dietary restrictions and can’t eat the food, so you figured you’d skip to free up a spot. Boom. No drama
Dietary restrictions and not in your budget right now. The cost will be some sort of gift on top of the catering contribution.
Also I’ve never attended a work party that expected me to chip in for catering. Nope nope nope.
NTA, this is really bizarre. I have been to a number of workplace baby showers over the years, and NEVER have I been asked to contribute $$ to attend. I usually bring a modest gift pulled directly from the registry. Lots of people don’t attend them – because they are during the workday and sometimes people have work conflicts.
NAH either way – and these things used to make me very uncomfortable as well.
That said – there is at least a small subset of your coworkers who live for this stuff. They care about it. They will keep score… So I look at it as the cost of doing business – it’s annoying, and I don’t enjoy it, but it’s better to check the box and keep the harmony.
If you do skip, I’d have a solid conflict ready so that it’s not just “yeah I’m not sure why OP didn’t show up.”
All of this is so silly, but unfortunately office politics are a factor.
NTA. Rsvp No and simply say you can’t eat anything on the menu. You could always bring a small gift if you wanted.
The dental appointment sounds like it would be more fun.
NTA.
NTA
Workplace baby showers and wedding showers should be banned. If you’re not close enough to these people to be invited to the real celebration they have with their actual friends and family, you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend one that takes place during work hours.
Book a “dentist appointment” and take yourself out for ice cream (or whatever you enjoy, just make sure it isn’t something noticeable like a haircut for when you return).
When they ask you to chip in for a gift, politely say “No, thank you”.
Honestly, if you plan on staying at this job for some time I’d bite the bullet and just go.
It’s $15, you can duck out after a bit (you’ve got a project that needs finishing, etc).
And I say this as someone who DESPISES work-socialization events.
NTA! I think it’s totally fair not to attend. Paying to attend a baby shower AND during work hours seems odd. And the dietary restrictions can be enough of an excuse, anyway.
I’d say don’t attend, but have some more excuses prepared in case.
Purely from an office politics perspective I’d attend. If you just can’t bring yourself to do it then schedule that “dentist appointment” and give your coworker a small gift and say sorry I won’t be able to attend.
This whole scenario is so tacky and honestly it seems like a HR minefield for so many reasons
YWBTA – please don’t listen to the people in this thread telling you that you are NTA because you are in the right. People on this website love to die on the smallest hills.
Of course you’re in the right. This coworker sounds miserable, it’s complete BS that you have to pay to attend (especially since you can’t eat the menu), it’s weird that there’s a work baby shower, and it’s unfair that you feel pressured to attend. I’d also hate to attend this. If you didn’t attend, you’d be in the right.
However, AITA is not a measure of correctness, it’s a measure of *politeness*.
If you’d like to do well at work, you should just bite the bullet and attend. Like you said, you have a reputation for participating. Positive team players who go above and beyond and are well-liked get promotions. Perceived grumps who don’t attend these things “because they’re BS” don’t. It’s not fair or right, but it’s how to get ahead.