**** EDIT ****
I called my brother like yall said, (I don’t like being confrontational so that’s why I came here first. It’s not that he doesn’t want her there, the venue is 21 years or older to attend. I’m going to go and she’s going to spend the day with her grandpa****
My brother and cousin are getting married a week apart. I will have to travel out of town to go to either ones. I was originally planning on respectfully declining my cousins and going to my brothers, but tonight I was informed that my brother limited his guest list and while me and my fiancé are invited, my daughter (17f) is not invited. I am kind of shocked he’d leave out his neice but it’s whatever, I’m not going to argue with them or pressure them about it. My cousin included me, my fiancé and my daughter, so I am personally leaning towards attending hers and declining my brothers . AITA for choosing to attend my cousins wedding instead? I just feel guilty going on a weekend getaway that is supposed to be a family event and leaving her behind. It’s kind of grimy IMO. Also, I’m annoyed I found out from my mom and not from him when we just spoke on the phone last week.
Your reasoning is sound, but why can’t you/don’t you want to attend both?
I live on the other side of the country and can only afford to pay for lodging and flights for one
Have you told your brother what you’re thinking? Is your immediate family close? It seems really aggressive to miss your brother’s wedding, but it also feels really passive aggressive to be so upset over the lack of invite that you don’t attend your own brothers wedding, yet you haven’t even asked politely why she was excluded.
NTA- it’s incredibly rude of him to leave her out, and if your mom knows it’s already been discussed so I wouldn’t sweat it. Go to your cousin’s wedding so that the whole family can attend.
Is she specifically left out or is it an under 21 wedding?
Before deciding one way or another could you not ask why your daughter is not included? Is it like a childfree wedding? Though even that doesn’t make sense because she’s 17 and not a small kid. It seems absurd and I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to this wedding for this reason.
I’ll give you the standard answer: It’s an invitation, not a summons. It’s okay to decline.
NTA for choosing the alternative that includes your daughter.
Think of the enormous favor you’re doing your brother by easing his tight guest list.
NTA! Your daughter is nearly grown and should have been invited!
NTA, but I would definitely have a conversation with your brother to hear his side and explain your decision. Weddings are breeding grounds for miscommunication and vulnerable emotions, and it would be a huge bummer to start a rift when he should be starting a new life.
Maybe it’s not in your brother’s budget to include the younger generation. If you’re skipping your brother’s wedding to be spiteful, I think you need to have a talk with your brother. Weddings are always so tricky.
I would confirm with him and bride first before you rsvp.
Things change, miscommunication happen and always best to hear straight from the source.
Does your daughter want to attend? At 17 i probably would have been happy not to go, lol!
NTA. I would just shoot your brother a message to clarify if your daughter isn’t invited to his wedding. You can then simply let him know “Thanks for the clarification,” and if your daughter isn’t invited, RSVP no and send a wedding gift.
NTA, but you should talk with your brother first and make sure you understood the situation correctly. Then, if your daughter truly isn’t invited, calmly explain your decision.
Don’t make it about hurt feelings– just let him know that you’re prioritizing the event that your whole family is invited to.