I (16M) hate being in photos, I’m not the photogenic type, I think my face looks weird which is why I don’t like being in them. Sure I do take photos, but I don’t take photos where people or I am the main focus. My parents, on the other hand, LOVE taking photos. Any day out? Photo. Mirror selfie before they go out? Photo. In the car? Photo.
It distracts them from enjoying any day out, and they keep asking me to appear in their photos, they know I don’t like being in photos, but they don’t respect this and instead disregard it, frequently sneaking photos of me while I’m not looking, and when I do appear in them, I always look away from the camera so my face doesn’t appear. And also, they post it without my consent as well.
Yet, every time this happens, I get called selfish for not wanting to be in the photos, when I think they’re the selfish ones for being entitled to a photo of anything they please. Am I in the wrong?
NTA. consent is important, even in situations like this. you’re old enough to be afforded some autonomy.
that said, they’re your family – it’s not about whether or not you’re photogenic, they want to have mementos of their time with you. especially as you get closer to the age where you’re going to leave home soon, their time with you is precious and they want to remember it. give them some grace, but learn to set boundaries, you know?
As someone who also hates my pics I understand your wanting to stay out of them. The thing is though that it means alot to other people and it gets old to constantly fight that battle. I’ve learned to go ahead and be in one or two pics, smile and do what everyone else does but have no interest in seeing the picture. If they show it I look in the general direction and say “nice” and move on. Honestly that helps.
The truth is that we see ourselves as looking much worse than others do so it really is our own perception. Going along with the pic to keep the peace but not looking at it later helps me not make it into more of a thing.
NAH. I understand where you’re coming from. I went through years of not wanting to be photographed because I felt uncomfortable about how I looked. One of my best friends was the same way. But she passed away very suddenly in a terrible accident a few years ago, and I was heartbroken when I realized that despite years of being extremely close, we literally didn’t have a single picture together. I really regretted all those years of avoiding the camera and committed myself to getting more comfortable with photos, and it took a little bit of work but I eventually got there. Your family isn’t doing this to annoy you or out of narcissism; they want those photos because life is transient and much too short, and memories are all we have. It’s worth the momentary discomfort to just suck it up and smile, because you will regret not having those photos 20 years from now.
NAH. I absolutely hate the way I look and go out of my way to avoid photos (I haven’t taken a selfie for almost 2 years). With that being said, you get to a point where you realise that you have no photos with your family/parents and is actually quite a sad thought. Especially if god forbid something happens and you don’t have anything to look back on or anything tangible to remember them by (or vice versa).
Your parents are preserving memories, and while it might seem overkill, maybe you can compromise and agree on one photo with them every few outings. I really really think your future self would appreciate it. You don’t have to post them anywhere.
you’re not in the wrong at all. i totally get you, at your age i hated getting my pictures taken too, especially knowing that they’d get sent to family all over the world & i was so bothered about being judged physically.
i have to admit that now that i’m about 5yrs older, i do regret avoiding pictures as a teen, as i don’t have many family pictures including myself to look at from those years. i’m sure you’ll be more comfortable with yourself as you grow, in a few yrs you’ll look back & realise it didn’t matter what you looked like, you’ll just wanna see yourself with your family. so keep that in mind, but otherwise- you’re okay, it’s more common thank you think
My mom refused to be in pictures for like a decade because she hated the way she looked. She died very suddenly and it’s absolutely gut wrenching that we have no recent photos. Literally no photos of us as adults with her. I get thinking you’re ugly but, 9 times out of 10, in a decade you’ll be like “damn I was so young and handsome and didn’t appreciate it.” Or at least won’t care at all how you look in them. You also will always look better smiling than scowling because you’re annoyed about it (speaking from my decade of scowling face tween and teen family photos). And you never know what can happen. Life is precious and fragile. You don’t have to be in all of them, of course, but you should allow some. NAH.
And everyone already knows what we all look like..the photo doesn’t change anything except capturing memories.
NAH, but You’re acting like a child. When you grew up you’ll be happy to have photos to remind you of your life.
I don’t think anyone is an AH, but just realize, everyone sees you all of the time and these insecurities are pretty much just what you think. They know what you look like and want pictures to remember the occasion with you in it. Most people are self conscious of what they look like. I think you’ll regret not taking these pictures later.
I wouldn’t call you selfish but it’s clear having photos of you is important to those who love you. As long as they aren’t sharing them weird places against your will I’d say humor them. I’d also guess that you look better in photos than you think.
My brother was like this as a teen. All the pictures we have of him are awful because he purposely would ruin them. Smile occasionally and let them take the pictures.
NAH. I was the same, and now that I’m a parent, I realize why my parents wanted those photos. I also had braces, bad acne, and a terrible haircut. But I recommend a compromise. Agree that you will take five photos per occasion if they agree that you have the right to delete up to four. They’ll be way more thoughtful about which pictures to take, try to make them the best, and if there’s any where you look particularly bad, you can get rid of them quickly.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say ESH. My mother was the same way. She would duck and hide in every photo. It hurts me that I barely have any photos of her now that she has passed. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our family. But I also acknowledge that your family can be more respectful and limit photos of you to maybe 1 a day or 1 a week.
Unless you’re horribly obese and lose weight later, this is the best you’re ever gonna look. You’re only getting older and heavier and rougher from here. Get with the photo taking program. Otherwise you will be old with no pics of yourself from your best-looking years.
When you’re old you won’t give 2 shits about how you look and you will feel sad for not having any pics of you young