The title is a bit of a placeholder; I didn’t know what to title this.
I (19M) bought a set of pots and pans from Amazon with money I got from Christmas gifts. We don’t regularly buy kitchen stuff in my house; most of our stuff is a couple of years old. I didn’t tell my mom I had bought all this stuff until a day before it arrived.
Since I bought them, I had thought of ways I could tell her I didn’t want her to use them.(This wasn’t exclusive to her; I had also told my older sister that I didn’t want her to use them, which she was fine with. And I told my twin sister that she could use them as long as she told me first. I did this because she helped me pay for shipping.)
She has always been a confrontational person. She yells at people a lot, specially to me and my sisters, so I was very hesitant on telling her I didn’t want her to use any of the stuff I had bought.
When the pots got here, my mom seemed to get… excited? She threw away some of our old pots and pans while I wasn’t home and washed the ones I had bought. When I got back home, she was discussing stuff she wanted to do related to cooking and stuff like that. And I still didn’t know how to tell her.
So I talked to my older sister, and she started the conversation, she told her that I had bought the pots thinking they would be only for me. So then my mother called me, and said that she didn’t taught me like this, that when she buy something, it’s for all of us. (Not entirely true, she bought a whole bunch of baking stuff last month and doesn’t let us use those either.) She then called me selfish, and told me that I wouldn’t keep them where we keep the rest of the kitchen stuff, so now everything I bought is in a box in my room.
I am now in my room, she yells at me when she walks by, she tells me that I won’t use the pots anyway because she doesn’t want me to use her stove anymore.
I do think I did wrong in not telling her I didn’t want her to use my stuff before it came. But I didn’t tell her to throw away any of the other stuff. I don’t see how that’s my fault. I don’t think any of this is that serious. I think she said all of that in the heat of the moment, but I also know that she is very stubborn and might hold up to her words.
So, AITA?
For what reason would you want to keep cooking material for your sole use in a shared home, in which I assume you share meals?
Not lately. I cook for myself and my sister, sometimes in bulk so we have meals we can take to college throughout the week.
Pots and pans can be destroyed through improper use.
Stuff like enameled iron (Le Creuset), cast iron, stainless steel- all require different care than everyday nonstick pans.
The fact that you don’t know this either means you are very young or very ignorant.
I cook meals for the other members of my household almost daily. They are not allowed to use my Le Creuset without permission. I’m less particular about my All Clad, but I still judge whether people are worthy of it.
Why are you so territorial over kitchen appliances bro
Listen. I get why. I would have thought the same way too. You’re working on investing in your life to eventually move out. But you still live at home. And you use a lot of communal things. So I appreciate where you are coming from.
But it turns more into NTA territory since your mom is throwing her stuff out to start planning to use yours. And the fact is she kind of sounds abusive with all the yelling makes it so much worse. I hope you can get out soon.
If you were living a more normal life, I’d be more N A H. I personally wouldn’t expect to use my kids cookware, especially stuff bought with gift money. But I know there are reasons why a parent may want to share communal when the kid still lives at home.
Good luck to you and your sibling.
YTA. You live in your mother’s home, you use her appliances to cook, you probably plan on leaving the pots in the kitchen. You don’t give a valid reason why you don’t want your Mom or big sister using the pots and pans.
So what if your Mom bought baking tools she doesn’t want you to use, it’s her house and her kitchen. This makes it sound like your demand was in retaliation. It also sounds like you wanted to start drama.
This seems like a very odd purchase in a shared living scenario. Why did you feel the need to own your own pots and pans?
Why the weird need for control over cooking utensils? Seems you’ve learned this from your mom who has strange controlling issues over baking supplies *unless* she is planning to bake things and needs those specific ingredients.
ESH.
If you aren’t going to share the things you bought to use in the kitchen your mother pays for, with the electricity she pays for, with the food I’m betting she pays for, you shouldn’t expect to use her things either. So unless you pay rent, utilities and buy your own groceries, YTA. Most kids learn to share in kindergarten. Why didn’t you?
ESH. You all sound like toddlers snarling *mine! Mine! Mine!* while snatching toys out of the chest and putting them out of each other’s reach.
At least as OP describes it. I’m guessing his mom didn’t want baking items that may require special care to be handled by the less mature individuals in the house.
Why do you need your own pots and pans?
YTA. Understand wanting things for yourself but that’s not something like pots and pans especially when you’re still living at home. Things for yourself would be things like clothes shoes maybe hair products. You can’t bring things into a shared kitchen and expect no one else to use them.
YTA. If it was one or 2 pots/pans I’d understand, I have a cast iron that only I use. But a whole new cooking set is a lot. Especially one that’s just for you in your parents house
Sorry but gotta go with YTA. How are you possibly offended that your mom won’t let you keep them in the kitchen? Is your kitchen really big enough for two full sets of cookware?
Is there a history of mom or sisters damaging or stealing your stuff? If not, this really makes no sense.