This incident occurred a few days before Christmas, but my friend still hasn’t spoken to me, so I’m trying to determine if I was truly in the wrong.
I invited my friends to go on a winter hike. The location is not far from our home and offers stunning views of the mountains. Five women were going, including two who brought their children: Jane, who is 12, and Alex, who is 13.
When we all arrived at the parking lot before the hike, Alex’s mother insisted that he bundle up. He was wearing shorts, crocs, and a hoodie, claiming he wasn’t cold. I believe he was trying to impress Jane. Initially, I didn’t care much about the situation until we were halfway into the hike. There was a designated sitting area where we planned to eat lunch. At that point, everyone could sense that Alex was freezing, and it was also snowing lightly.
His mother was frustrated with him, reminding him that she had told him to wear a coat. She took off her coat and wrapped it around him, but he shrugged it off, saying , “I’m not wearing a pink coat!”
Again, I didn’t really pay much attention to their argument. I’m not a parent, and it wasn’t my business. Then, the mother said, “OP, Alex wants to wear your coat because it’s black.”I had the most gender-neutral coat there I suppose. It also goes down to my ankles, and since Alex and I are roughly the same height, it would have covered him.
I said no. I waswearing warm clothing (thermals and a sweater), but if I removed it, I would have been cold. She was upset and said “He’s a child! Are you going to let a child sit here and freeze!”
I suggested that they walk back to their car and go home. There was a shortcut right where we were that would have taken them directly to the parking lot in just 10-15minutes.
The other people at the hike kept giving me disapproving glances and even said, “Oh, just let him wear it,” all the while not offering their coats.
Eventually, Alex and his mother left. The rest of the hike was filled with awkward silence. Later, in our group chat, Alex’s mother posted a lengthy rant about how rude I was and that I would never understand what it was like being a mother.
I thought that after a few weeks, she would have moved on, but she hasn’t.
Was I in the wrong?
NTA as both a teacher and a parent, it’s important to let children learn from natural consequences sometimes. Two people needed to learn a lesson that day, and they’re closely related.
“It’s incredibly irresponsible for a mother to not probably clothe her child for a winter hike, nor bring spare clothing despite knowing what he was wearing was inappropriate for a snowy hike.”
Put that in the groupchat, NTA.
I think she put me on ignore because she doesn’t reply to anything I say.
She doesn’t seem like the sharpest tool in the shed, so no loss for you there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If only there was some kind of bag that you could wear on your back. You could put stuff in it that you or your children might need.
It’s like she didn’t know how to think ahead for a child… 🤔 sounds like these are friends OP needs to distance themselves from
Some kind of pack, even…
Could call it a “backpack”
NTA
Frankly, his mother was negligent in taking him hiking dressed like that in the first place.
I would have told her that I wasn’t letting a child freeze; her inability to parent her child was doing that.
I’m a parent and you’re NTA. If the kid isn’t cold enough to wear a pink coat, he’s not actually cold. Also as a parent, I admit that there were several times my kid has tried to do something dumb like this, and I knew they would be unhappy, so I planned a “rescue” option (like bringing the coat along myself). Then you can help your child but also relentlessly tease them about their lack of foresight so that the same mistake is not repeated. That’s how kids learn. If you know your kid is going to be cold and sad, purposefully leaving their coat behind is just bad parenting and kind of mean. The kid in this situation is just going to be pissed off at his mother, he’s not going to learn that he should dress appropriately for the weather.
NTA
1. 13 is old enough to know to dress properly or suffer the consequences
2. If he had been truly freezing he’d have taken the pink coat
3. If was his and his mom’s responsibility to ensure he had proper clothing.
4. The very least the mom could have done is offer to switch coats with you.
And if he was freezing and still refusing the pink coat then that just shows how bad he has been parented by his mom.
Yea he wouldn’t even let her wrap it around his legs he kept pushing her away.
You already weren’t the asshole, but that’s the part that pushed you firmly into NTA territory. If you’d been the only option, maybe you would have been being a *mild* asshole, even if the whole situation was his/his mom’s fault. Because teenagers are all kinds of dumb and hormones and whatever cause them to all make terrible decisions.
But, the second he chose to double down on that decision, even knowing the consequences, because he didn’t want to wear a pink coat he lost my sympathy. That’s beyond teenage boy ridiculousness into “kid who doesn’t get told no” enough territory and it isn’t your responsibility to relieve his mom of the consequences of that decision.