Update: Jfc they broke up an hour ago. He was in fact very fucking jealous. They didn’t even depart yet. I didn’t even have the opportunity to srew up, they did it all on their own.
She’s my childhood friend, and I’m going to meet her boyfriend for the first time this week. She’s had so many great things to say about him and I’m hoping he really is just a stand up kind of guy. Successful smart, kind, charitable, he seems like an amazing catch and I don’t want to mess anything up by accidentally giving him the wrong signals.
She and I are so close you’d be forgiven for thinking we’re either a couple or fraternal twins. We’re constantly in synch when we’re together, finishing each other’s sentences on impulse, don’t need to ask something to know what the other needs. We aren’t an item and neither of us want to be.
While there isn’t any risk of mixed messages between her and I, I can’t say I’m confident about the boyfriend. Based on her descriptions of him, his only real character flaw is that he’s easily jealous of guys, and also might have a low self-esteem.
From my experience with my other female friends, the jealous guys get suspicious of the male friends. In the past they’ve read too deep into *my* behavior when I’m really just a friend. I find out later there was a fight about me, and then either she cuts me off or dumps the boyfriend. Rinse and repeat with 4 separate friends. I’ve never been the jealous type, so that train of thought is foreign to me.
Anyone got advice on not making him think that I’m romantically interested or have the intentions of messing with their relationship? Please feel free to ask any clarifying questions that might help with any advice.
Edit: spelling
Edit 2: the hallmark thing was just to illustrate the situation for this post. I’m her childhood male best friend from her hometown and our friendship looks like it was written for a shitty holiday movie.
Edit 3: I appreciate the advice given so far. Here’s some additional context from my replies in the comments
– We’ve never fooled around or dated and never tried to.
– She specifically requested that I meet him, and she’s very excited to introduce us. I’m eager to hopefully make another friend, but this wasn’t my idea.
– For those suggesting I talk about my girlfriend. I was previously engaged but she passed away recently. This isn’t something I can bring up without souring the occasion, but I appreciate the advice.
Tell them that story about that time you kissed a dude and you liked It.
What if he says “same, wanna try on me?”
A man gotta do what a man gotta do
Don’t have sex with her when they are together. That may make him mad.
Or him, that may make her mad
You can’t
Tip 1: Don’t introduce yourself as the Hallmark movie stereotype guy.
As in most of those movies, the woman leaves her current boyfriend or fiance to be with that guy.
In fact, if it comes up in conversation: Say those movies suck for EXACTLY that reason.
To be fair, that one guy she leaves her fiance for knows how to make the best cookies and agrees to make cookies for her bakery. Her fiancé never stood a chance.
Grok, is this real
Hmm if you have a girl you’re interested in, talk about her to them so they know clearly you’re not interested in his girlfriend.
Don’t hug her too long. Don’t touch her after the initial greeting hug.
Ask him questions so he knows you are interested in getting to know him.
Don’t spend a lot of time reminiscing about old times.
Bring up your love interests that are not her.
try to actually become his friend too.
Make sure you do an activity that requires you to take your shirt off in front of both of them. Something like chopping wood.
**Do’s**
Be friendly! If he talks about what he does for a living, ask questions about it, even if the question is just “what are some things you really like about your job?” If he talks about like a sport, ask who his favorites are. If he talks about a hobby, even if it’s a hobby you don’t know anything about, even if it’s a hobby you have a negative view of, ask him questions about what he likes about it or what he would share with a newcomer to the hobby.
It’s also OK to talk about yourself, but be careful. First, talk about the things you’d ask him about: your job, your hobbies, the things that you like to do. And talk about them in the same way you’d ask him about them: what makes you happy, what do you find satisfying, what would you share with someone who didn’t know anything about the subject(s). You’re not trying to flex that your job pays a ton of money or that your hobby is sooooo expensive. You’re just sharing things you’re interested in or excited about or happy about.
Encourage the new guy to share stories, or to talk about his own childhood stuff, or about the stuff he’s happy to talk about now. Basically, you want to be happy, friendly, and try to be interested in whatever he’s ready and willing to share. And if it turns out you’re both Warhammer 40K guys, or really into rebuilding 2-stroke engines, or some other thing, lean into it for a bit, even if it makes your lady friend feel a little left out.
**Don’ts**
Don’t offer anything specific without being asked. Yes, they’re in town for a day or a week or however long, but don’t offer to take them out anyplace unless they ask first. Don’t even suggest places to go unless they ask for ideas. Absolutely don’t offer to take them anyplace or do anything with them unless they ask first.
Don’t touch her. A hug when you first see each other is fine, but after that, don’t touch her. Don’t touch her hand or her arm or her hair or her face. Don’t rest your hand on hers. If she has schmutz on her face from eating, tell her and hold up a napkin for her to take.
At some point, the conversation may become “her and you talking about old times, while the boyfriend is left out”. That’s going to happen and you can’t stop it, but once it happens, you can redirect it: “Enough about our old times, hey [ new guy ], you ever do anything like [ the thing you were just talking about ] ?”