Throwaway, because my friends know my main.
I(31F) don’t smoke, but most of my friends do, for as long as I’ve known them. However, I can’t stand the smell of smoke. I have never stopped anyone from smoking in my presence, and with my really close friends who know this about me and know that I don’t mean any ill-will, I usually step away till they finish smoking.
The only place I do control this is my home, because I’m afraid the smell will seep into the cloth and bedding of the sofa/bed/curtains (I’ve seen it happen during college accommodation). Sheets can be washed, sure, but the bedding and cotton is more difficult to clean. In case we (my husband and I) are hosting anyone, we encourage them to smoke in the bathroom, where the exhaust fan should take care of any lingering smell. (Unfortunately our current house does not have a balcony, otherwise that also used to be an option)
Onto the story: I hosted a very close friend of mine, Rita (fake name) for a couple of days last week. Rita stays with her parents in another state, mainly due to health reasons where she relies on them for support. One of the reasons she came to stay with us was to “get a break” from the family. While Rita does smoke, she does not smoke around her family, and it’s difficult to hide from them since she needs their physical support to get around and about, so I’m not really sure how much she ends up getting to smoke when she’s home.
However, when she was with us, she would smoke at least 3-4 per meal, and a minimum of 3-4 when we were casually chilling (it may be more but I lost count). It was mostly when we went out for our meals, but at home she would use the bathroom as expected (She always knew about my discomfort and rules about smoking, as she used to be my flatmate a few years ago).
On the 3rd day that she was here, she slipped (in a restaurant bathroom) and sprained her ankle. Naturally, she would be in a lot of pain every time she tried to walk. Additionally, our bathroom has a step she needs to climb, making it even more difficult for her. She asked me, given the circumstances, if it was okay that she smoke in the living room or the bedroom instead of the bathroom. I held firm and said no. Her face dropped and she didn’t talk to me properly for some time after that (she’s usually very polite, so it’s unusual for her to be rude). She just ended up smoking whenever she ended up using the bathroom normally after that.
In my mind, given that she doesn’t smoke this much normally, I would imagine she didn’t NEED to smoke every hour like she was doing. Plus, if I said yes, given the amount she was indeed smoking, our sofa/beds would end up smelling like smoke in no time. However, she was genuinely hurt and in pain, and our bathroom was not easy for her with that injury. There was some tension from her after my refusal, and even my brother who was there told me I should’ve let it go this one time. AITA?
NTA
You’d think that a person with such serious medical issues that they require her to live with family would be enough for her to NOT be a smoker. 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
That said, your house, your rules. If anyone takes issue with it, they can pound sand and find another place to smoke.
NTA
I wouldn’t even allow anyone to smoke in my bathroom, so you’re being far more generous than I would be!
Right? My towel, my toothbrush, stuff I use to clean my face, I wouldn’t allow anybody to get smoke on that. Disgusting.
NTA. I know many smokers. None of them would even ask if they could smoke in someone’s house, especially a none smoker. They would go smoke outside. Allowing your smoker friends to smoke in your bathroom is your compromise.
NTA. I wouldn’t even let anyone smoke in my bathroom. Towels and curtains would smell like smoke
As a smoker, she is being ridiculous. If you wanna smoke go outside like normal people do. I wouldn’t dream of asking to smoke inside someone’s home, unless they openly offered but even then I don’t even smoke inside my own home either. NTA!!
NTA. I wouldn’t even let anyone smoke in my bathroom, let alone anywhere else in my home. That’s absolutely vile. Most smokers have more sense and decency than that, she shouldn’t even have asked
NTA, you’re being too kind.
I wouldn’t even allow anyone to smoke in the bathroom, a tiny fan is NOT enough to keep it out. People are not allowed to smoke in our house under any circumstances, not an open window, not with a fan, not in the kitchen with the ventilation on. Not with the door open either. You want to smoke? Go outside and close the door, don’t come in until the smoke has dissipated so you don’t drag the smell in. It’s raining or snowing? Too fucking bad.
Yep, they can go outside or not smoke, it’s their choice. OP didn’t force her lame ass friend to smoke, the friend WANTED to smoke, so she can suck it up and go wherever she needs to in order to engage in her chosen activity. It’s no one’s fault but her own.
Outside and well away from the door
Thank you for letting me know how bad it can really get, I will reconsider letting anyone smoke anywhere at home now.
Yeah. This is the rule at anyone’s house I’ve ever been to. You are incredibly kind. Weed or cigarette smoke is all outside.
Vape is a little different. I’d allow that in the bathroom because the smell isn’t an issue and the walls in the bathroom need more cleaning than the rest of the house anyway. A lot of vaping can still lead to oils sticking to surfaces.
NTA and don’t let anyone smoke in your house ever. You’re worried about the wrong things smelling like smoke. Sheets and towels can be easily washed and replaced. The smell sinking into your walls and staining them is a real issue.
We moved into a smoker’s house and spent an entire month cleaning the house. We washed the walls until the water stopped turning yellow and then used a highly specialized Killz to paint the walls with three layers. It was hundreds of dollars in specialized base coat to just prep the house.
Why do you allow them to smoke in the house at all. Send them outside and away from the doors/windows.