I (female, mid-career professional) was on a daytime international flight for work, seated in the first row of business class. The man next to me and I started talking after takeoff. We work in similar industries, and our conversation was a normal, professional chat–nothing personal or intense, just two people talking at a reasonable daytime volume while the cabin was fully lit and active.
About 20 minutes in, a man from the second row stood up, walked over, passed by the man sitting in the isle seat to address me directly. He asked me to keep my voice down. The man sitting next to me asked if his voice was too loud and the man said no.
I was caught off guard. It wasn’t a night flight, we weren’t shouting, and my seatmate was speaking at the same volume as I was.
I apologize in the moment and said I would do my best to lower my voice, and ultimately both myself and my seat mate did. It felt strange that I would be singled out.
Now I’m wondering whether I was actually being inconsiderate by talking at what I thought was a normal volume for a daytime flight, or if the other passanger overreachted by directing the comment only at me instead of addressing both of us or handling it a different way.
AITA for talking on a daytime flight after another passenger asked me to keep my voice down?
NAH. Is impossible that perhaps you were louder than you think?
NAH – it’s possible you were louder than you imagined, or they just were having a bad day.
INFO: Have you ever been told by others that you have a loud voice? You might not realize it. I’m like this — loud voice, and sometimes I don’t realize until it’s pointed out.
It’s unlikely that you’re the AH, but maybe the annoyed passenger wasn’t singling you out for no reason.
It could also be the difference in pitch. Women’s voices tend to be higher. For me a child and an adult can be talking at the same volume and the children’s voices are like nails on a chalkboard to me. Could just be the individual.
You are NTA
You did not need to apologize. This is a flight during the day – he should have had headphones and kept his buttons seated. In the future I would just suggest pausing before automatically saying sorry its just something women are trained to do and you dont need to for existing in public space (which you paid to be in!). Its business class i am sure he could have got free headphones from the flight staff he was just being a dick
This is exactly what I was thinking. The main singled her out because she was a woman and we are trained to automatically apologize. Next time OP? Look them straight in the eye and say “no”. You were on a daytime flight with lights on. You are not too much or too loud or too anything because you are a woman.
Or op was just loud. She has said in another comment people in the past have commented that she has a loud voice.
Your sole reason for thinking she is right is her gender
NTA. Look, maybe your voice *is* louder than usual and it’s like nails on a chalkboard, but the reason I say you’re NTA (instead of NAH) is that you were having a normal conversation in a public place in the daytime. You weren’t yelling or screaming, and your conversation partner upholds that you were speaking in a normal tone. Yet this guy felt free to rudely confront you for…talking in public.
Part of being in public–and especially traveling–is putting up with annoying and noisy places, like airplanes. He could have put on headphones or earbuds (this is precisely why I carry them whenever i’m traveling) instead of rudely confronting you.
NAH
It’s likely you were louder than you realize, especially since you admitted in another comment that you have been told in the past that you have a loud voice.
NAH — it sounds like everyone handled the situation politely as you described it. No one overly upset, hostile or defensive. Assuming the passenger that asked to keep volume down was not rude or threatening about it, and I assume you didn’t see it as an opportunity to fight. Politely requesting such things shouldn’t always need to be interpreted so hostile.
I’ve had numerous situations on flights where two people were talking when entering, and for whatever reason kept talking well after takeoff, into the flight. This didn’t in itself seem bad, but once an airplane is going people think they need to speak louder to be heard over the sound of the plane. If one or both are older and perhaps poor hearing, they speak louder. Loud enough that headphones won’t even block it out.
If no one else on a plane is talking, or in whatever the situation is, often that becomes the expected norm. I don’t think it matters daytime, generally a subdued tone is expected in confined seating like a plane.
Nah. U were probably louder than you think you were if they heard you from somewhat further away and went out of their way to address it. Some people have a voice that carries more….. anytime he thinks he whispers, everyone hears…
I’ve certainly had the experience of being bothered by chatty passengers sitting in the next row. People often speak more loudly to be heard over the engine noise, so it’s quite possible that this was bothering your neighbor.
Yes, we all would benefit from headphones and/or greater space when on a flight. But I agree that a constant chatter would become annoying pretty fast if I was trying to rest, watch a movie or get some work done.
the issue here would be more about how you responded. I don’t think he was being unreasonable to ask you to quiet down.
Who knows if you are. But if someone is pissed enough to complain to you directly about your speech level then I’d look into it.
How’s your hearing? I know I speak too loud when I leave my hearing aids out.
Maybe it’s the pitch. Maybe he was having a bad day.
I know I’ve hav to sit through annoying passengers talking on stop without a breath for 3 hours.
Damn that was a long flight.
NAH since he asked and you obliged. I don’t think a plane needs to be library quiet, but if the people around you can hear what you are talking about, I think you’re speaking too loud on a plane, train or bus. I’d MUCH rather sit next to a baby crying.
I’ve been on a few flights where people had conversations so loud I could hear them through my noise canceling earphones. I didn’t need to know how this person’s parents met and all the different places she’s traveled to in Europe, and how she would have gotten the first apartment she looked at but they changed management and didn’t allow 3 cats anymore and now she has this other apartment that has a great view, but the pool is not as nice and she couldn’t fit all of her furniture into the bedroom so she had to get rid of this big bookcase and she should have just kept it in storage because she’s moving again now and she wished she had it. All in uptalk for 5 out of 8 hours on an international flight.